Songtx

Been on here half a year or so. I've been able to cut down quite a bit, but am still drinking a few beers every night (like 1 or 2) and occassionally too many. The problem is that my husband and I drink together, it's what we do. But ot's starting to get ugly. We used to have fun drinking, now we get into nasty fights. Last night we went out to see a friend's band. We drank about 5 beers each (too many nowadays. We used to drink 9 or 10 easily. Can someone explain why we get so tipsy after only a few now?) Things were going ok until he made a rude comment to me about my dancing,and that flew me off the handle. Why do we just get angry now? We left in the middle of their show and fought most of the remainder of the night. It needs to stop.

unentschieden

I can remember during drunken fights thinking, "how did we get here?". Screaming nasty words to the person you love.

In sober moments it can be difficult to truly listen to your partner, hear what they are saying, and respond without letting emotion cloud your judgment.

When drunk the cloud is already over you, obscuring clear thoughts making it a near certainty you will give way to the emotional urge to hurt back.

Have you talked to your husband about your desire to quit altogether?

Songtx

Thanks. Yes. I have cried to him abiut wanting to quit. It just seems that he is in such denial. He can see me hungover and unable and unwilling to get out of bed, and he acts like nothing is wrong. He's in such denial about his own drinking problem. He really believes because he is so productive, he cannot be an alcoholic. He actually said last night that he can't be an alcoholic because they drink in the morning!! He was serious. We are in a band and our bandmate clearly does not want to be drinking at practice, as he does not bring beer over anymore, and my husband cannot even read that social cue. We embarrasingly drink too much during practice and can't even play well, cutting practice early. Especially my husband just starts acting and looking stupid.

langkah

One of the members of my AA group is a rock star of some note, sober about 7 years now. Funny, but when wet she was the one harassing the other band members about not drinking at all at practice and before performances. The after hours boozing that went on negatively impacted their success and knocked them out of the big time. No telling what they might have done without it.

Hopefully you can stay stopped and perform even better than you are doing now.

fuzzy1

The tolerance for alcohol decreased for me significantly over my drinking years. My body just couldn't take it anymore in the end.

instant

It,s getting old and tired. Alcohol is not a life enhancing drug.

Dee74

Welcome back songtx

Having a partner who's a drinking buddy makes quitting for you harder, but not impossible - you'll find success stories from those situations here

You have to decide what you want tho, I think.

As I've told you before I used to be a muso too -I drank my career away - this was **scarily** familiar to me:

I hope you decide to take some action songtx, whatever that might be, because it won't get better....

D

sugarbear1

Alcohol is the solution. Alcohol is starting to stop working. It's the progression. When it completely stops and life is miserable with or without it, maybe you'll find a new solution.

katrinka

Being a musician and having that talent is so wonderful! Alcohol interfered with my singing voice, I sing in my tiny church choir and I'm not that good, it's much improved since I quit drinking, that heavy congested feeling has gone away. Maybe that could be your motivation, not to drink away this talent you have. It will be hard to quit when your husband won't but you can do it! Good luck to you, keep posting.

Terminally Unique

Your tolerance will start to drop after a while, as the alcohol damages the organs, and naturally as you age as well.

Once your tolerance for alcohol starts to drop, it just tends to warp the mind. I was a seething ball of rage by the end, which I mistook for 'normal' at the time. That was my experience, anyway, but I've seen it in others as well. You are quite correct that it is better to get off the downward elevator now.

CaiHong

Hi SongTX,

It sounds like the booze has lost its magic which is a good thing. You want to stop drinking, you see clearly the negative effects drinking is having on your life and relationship, good for you. Your husband is not there yet, be an example to him.
You can't make people quit if they don't want to.

Of course it would be easier if he quit as well but it sounds like this is not going to happen yet.

Don't use your husband as an excuse to keep drinking. (does that sound harsh)

Do this for yourself.

CaiHong

Songtx

Thanks so much for all the feedback. I am starting today to kick the alcohol. I made it a month last time.

Impurrfect

(((Sogntx))) - though alcohol was not my "thing" (crack was), my bf was also a crack addict. I hit bottom..wanted recovery. He didn't see it...wanted things to go on as they had been.

Before crack, I had abused alcohol and opiates (quit both without a problem). I'm not saying this is what YOU should do, but I had to leave him..he had no intention of quitting.

I had to put my recovery first and foremost..had to realize my very life depended upon it. I know of a lot of musicians who have "problems with substances", but then I was a waitress and also dealt with people who had "issues". One of my coworkers had been a crack addict, got clean, then relapsed.

I had to detach. I had to focus on ME, despite the fact that he was like one of my kids, I adored his now wife and kids. He got clean..had nothing to to with me, but he did thank me for stepping back and giving him space.

There are all kinds of jobs that include drinking/drugs. I have to hold my recovery first and foremost..without it, I don't HAVE a life. Selfish? Maybe so, but this is MY life...not theirs.

FWIW, I'm also a codie and I have a tendency to get wrapped up in the issues of those I love. Also in recovery for that. I can't do a darned thing about someone else, but I CAN do what is best for me.


Hugs and prayers,

Amy

NewBeginning010

Sorry to hear about your troubles, I have been through similar.

In regards to things getting worse (effects of alcohol_ this article helped me to understand it better: http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...22-1/25-34.pdf

All of the best in your recovery