I think I'm on my way...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
I think I'm on my way...
I don’t drink anything other than wine; 3-4 glasses a night. If I there is no wine in the house, I won’t touch the other alcohol. I hate beer, wine coolers and hard liquor. So therefore, in my mind, I’m not an alcoholic. I still don’t know if I am or not but I do know that I hated going a night without having my wine. Is it just a bad habit; a habit that can be broken? I went 1 month without wine to test myself. I did it. I couldn’t wait to celebrate my success with a bottle of wine.
Here’s where I am today. I got tired of waking up through the night hating myself with each tossing and turning moment I had. I hated how I felt. I hate having insomnia. I woke up and my face was puffy and my eyes looked scary and sad. I took a long hard look in the mirror and told myself to study the look and to study how pitiful I looked and to remember the look. That night, I felt better so I had just 2 glasses of wine. I went shopping and was found myself to be very jumpy. Was it the tiny hangover and lack of sleep that made me jump at every little thing? The 18 lb weight gain was hard to get off. I was too tired and found more excuses not to go to the gym. The guilt with my 2 teenage boys (15 & 16) watching me drink every night….wow…what kind of an example have I become? In my mind it was OK because I was never drunk. But now looking at it, I’m teaching them that it’s ok to come home from work and have a drink the moment you walk through the door, then another one at dinner, then one or two more after dinner while watching TV. Well it’s not ok. Kids learn by our actions – in every situation. Something we need to own.
I am going back to church, I started weight watchers Dec 26 and have lost 10 lbs, (I drank while on weight watcher – I wonder where I really would be if I didn’t), I am back at the gym weight training, I quit caffeine, I threw the entire wine out and have decided to quit wine completely. Today is day 9. It was very painful to say the least but, today, for the first time in a long time I feel like a million bucks. I still have a slight hazy feeling but nothing like I have encountered. I slept through the entire night. I want more of these feelings. This morning I thought to myself, people or things that anger you control you. Wine makes me angry because I can’t have just a glass when I go out for dinner. I’m not going to let it control me….anymore!
Here’s my new routine:
As soon as I get home work, I put my workout outfit on, make dinner, clean up with the kids, go to the gym, come home but I dare not take my work out clothes off just yet (PJ’s on - association with wine). Go and make lunches, put on PJ’s, grab a yogurt, add flaxseed oil, watch 30 minutes of TV while enjoying my yogurt then hit the sack at 9:30pm. Pray and thank God for giving me the strength and the tools to overcome my habit that day. Wake up feeling like a million bucks. Boy…just typing this now puts the biggest smile on my face. I just hope and pray to God that it continues.
This site is the best thing. Thank you for designing it. Thank you for allowing me “speak” so openly. BIG HUG to each and everyone of you!!
Here’s where I am today. I got tired of waking up through the night hating myself with each tossing and turning moment I had. I hated how I felt. I hate having insomnia. I woke up and my face was puffy and my eyes looked scary and sad. I took a long hard look in the mirror and told myself to study the look and to study how pitiful I looked and to remember the look. That night, I felt better so I had just 2 glasses of wine. I went shopping and was found myself to be very jumpy. Was it the tiny hangover and lack of sleep that made me jump at every little thing? The 18 lb weight gain was hard to get off. I was too tired and found more excuses not to go to the gym. The guilt with my 2 teenage boys (15 & 16) watching me drink every night….wow…what kind of an example have I become? In my mind it was OK because I was never drunk. But now looking at it, I’m teaching them that it’s ok to come home from work and have a drink the moment you walk through the door, then another one at dinner, then one or two more after dinner while watching TV. Well it’s not ok. Kids learn by our actions – in every situation. Something we need to own.
I am going back to church, I started weight watchers Dec 26 and have lost 10 lbs, (I drank while on weight watcher – I wonder where I really would be if I didn’t), I am back at the gym weight training, I quit caffeine, I threw the entire wine out and have decided to quit wine completely. Today is day 9. It was very painful to say the least but, today, for the first time in a long time I feel like a million bucks. I still have a slight hazy feeling but nothing like I have encountered. I slept through the entire night. I want more of these feelings. This morning I thought to myself, people or things that anger you control you. Wine makes me angry because I can’t have just a glass when I go out for dinner. I’m not going to let it control me….anymore!
Here’s my new routine:
As soon as I get home work, I put my workout outfit on, make dinner, clean up with the kids, go to the gym, come home but I dare not take my work out clothes off just yet (PJ’s on - association with wine). Go and make lunches, put on PJ’s, grab a yogurt, add flaxseed oil, watch 30 minutes of TV while enjoying my yogurt then hit the sack at 9:30pm. Pray and thank God for giving me the strength and the tools to overcome my habit that day. Wake up feeling like a million bucks. Boy…just typing this now puts the biggest smile on my face. I just hope and pray to God that it continues.
This site is the best thing. Thank you for designing it. Thank you for allowing me “speak” so openly. BIG HUG to each and everyone of you!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Wellness, Congratulations! I do know how you feel, because I was there in September 2010. Well, that was when I started and felt really great within a month. Sadly I am here today because I have relapsed.
But your post called to me because I am pretty much the same sort of drinker when I drink. I used to have beer or other drinks on occasion, but it was that glass of wine as I started cooking dinner, then with dinner, then as I watched my show or did something in the evening.
When I quit the first time, I had to do it on a dime, just stopped one day due to a serious health scare. I have liver disease from the wine and weight and diabetes, all diagnosed that September. I mourned the loss of the wine, once i felt better. Wished i could have just one glass again, etc... Amazingly, not knowing how much I really drank, my liver doc okayed the odd glass of wine "out to dinner on a weekend."
Well, that mushroomed pretty quickly into the old habits.
So, here I am now, by choice. Tired of the same feelings you describe. Tired of feeling crappy, not sleeping well, and what I am teaching my kids, ages 8 and 12.
So, good luck, and I hope I will be on day 9 soon as well. Today is day one, again, for me.
rochele
But your post called to me because I am pretty much the same sort of drinker when I drink. I used to have beer or other drinks on occasion, but it was that glass of wine as I started cooking dinner, then with dinner, then as I watched my show or did something in the evening.
When I quit the first time, I had to do it on a dime, just stopped one day due to a serious health scare. I have liver disease from the wine and weight and diabetes, all diagnosed that September. I mourned the loss of the wine, once i felt better. Wished i could have just one glass again, etc... Amazingly, not knowing how much I really drank, my liver doc okayed the odd glass of wine "out to dinner on a weekend."
Well, that mushroomed pretty quickly into the old habits.
So, here I am now, by choice. Tired of the same feelings you describe. Tired of feeling crappy, not sleeping well, and what I am teaching my kids, ages 8 and 12.
So, good luck, and I hope I will be on day 9 soon as well. Today is day one, again, for me.
rochele
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
OMGosh Rochele,
YES...cooking was always accompanied with a few glasses of wine. That's why I loved to cook. I dread Saturday afternoons. That when I made my biggest meal ever.
Good luck with your day one! I had a day one....nine days ago. Thank you for inspiring me with your situation. I had a liver scare. Not by the doctors but by a friend who told me about this Dr. Ging in Dallas. I went on his web site and looked at Health Programs and went to liver and kidney. It scared the crap out of me. That's what also inspired me to make some changes before things got worse. I just hope I can continue to be as strong as I am today. Big hug to you Rochele.
YES...cooking was always accompanied with a few glasses of wine. That's why I loved to cook. I dread Saturday afternoons. That when I made my biggest meal ever.
Good luck with your day one! I had a day one....nine days ago. Thank you for inspiring me with your situation. I had a liver scare. Not by the doctors but by a friend who told me about this Dr. Ging in Dallas. I went on his web site and looked at Health Programs and went to liver and kidney. It scared the crap out of me. That's what also inspired me to make some changes before things got worse. I just hope I can continue to be as strong as I am today. Big hug to you Rochele.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
That's great! I found that getting outside for exercise, right after supper, really helped me in many ways.
And, I'm glad that you recognize you are better off without the alcohol.
And, I'm glad that you recognize you are better off without the alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Wellness - I continue to be amazed at how similar we all are...an excerpt of just one of my posts:
Here is how I knew:
(Consumption = 3/4 glasses of wine per weeknight, much more on weekend)
1. I was waking up every morning feeling groggy and spent...
2. Short term memory was fading fast
3. If I didn't get my wine by five PM....watch out for moody me
4. Consistently saw the glass half empty even when any given situation may have been totally full (ran the nyc marathon in November and did great....was not happy and picked a fight with wife while I was sober that night)
5. My resentment hit an all time high. Everybody was out to get me, everybody was getting away with murder, and only I was the righteous one
6. Everyday tasks started to under perform. Avid bike rider, started getting scared on downhills and with traffic.
Now that we can attest to our symbiotic bond, I must also agree that I believe we amongst the lucky ones who wake up every morning feeling like our lives are in balance without the liquor. We were never that bad, but something was off. All seems so right, right now!
Here is how I knew:
(Consumption = 3/4 glasses of wine per weeknight, much more on weekend)
1. I was waking up every morning feeling groggy and spent...
2. Short term memory was fading fast
3. If I didn't get my wine by five PM....watch out for moody me
4. Consistently saw the glass half empty even when any given situation may have been totally full (ran the nyc marathon in November and did great....was not happy and picked a fight with wife while I was sober that night)
5. My resentment hit an all time high. Everybody was out to get me, everybody was getting away with murder, and only I was the righteous one
6. Everyday tasks started to under perform. Avid bike rider, started getting scared on downhills and with traffic.
Now that we can attest to our symbiotic bond, I must also agree that I believe we amongst the lucky ones who wake up every morning feeling like our lives are in balance without the liquor. We were never that bad, but something was off. All seems so right, right now!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
MentalLopp, THANK YOU!! I can claim ownership to every example you provided. After being on this site, it has taught me that I'm not alone. A feeling I have had for a very long time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 732
Wine drinker here. too! I was having all the same problems, bad sleep, memory loss, short tempered, and also ashamed at the poor influence I must have been on my kids. I'm 38 days sober and feeling great now. Well actually I'm home sick but you know what I mean!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
Katrinka...I was constantly bickering at my kids and husband ESPECIALLY when I asked my husband if he could go out and pickup some wine for me and he told me I didn't need it.
I told my husband I don't drink anymore but he thinks it's because I am on this new health kick. He's currently offshore and is returning home tomorrow. When I told him I wasn't drinking until I reached my fitness goal, the first thing he typed to me was how very proud he was of me and that he was becoming very worried about my drinking. He said he loved me so much and worried about the kids. He also said that he was willing to throw every stitch of alcohol out of the house. See...it's easy for him because he's not a drinker.....he's an ex-pro ball player. That's why I kept getting mad at him when he would throw digs that I was drinking too much because in my mind, he would think anyone who had more than one drink had a problem.
I told him we still need to have the alcohol in the house for when company dropped by. He said they can bring their own. I think he's right. I still don't feel comfortable telling him that I don't ever want to drink again yet, I'm feeling the best I have in a long time and today have no desire to EVER drink again. I'm confused....
CONGRATULATIONS on your 38 days!!! You are an inspiration!!!! Keep up the great work so you can be of further help to us
I told my husband I don't drink anymore but he thinks it's because I am on this new health kick. He's currently offshore and is returning home tomorrow. When I told him I wasn't drinking until I reached my fitness goal, the first thing he typed to me was how very proud he was of me and that he was becoming very worried about my drinking. He said he loved me so much and worried about the kids. He also said that he was willing to throw every stitch of alcohol out of the house. See...it's easy for him because he's not a drinker.....he's an ex-pro ball player. That's why I kept getting mad at him when he would throw digs that I was drinking too much because in my mind, he would think anyone who had more than one drink had a problem.
I told him we still need to have the alcohol in the house for when company dropped by. He said they can bring their own. I think he's right. I still don't feel comfortable telling him that I don't ever want to drink again yet, I'm feeling the best I have in a long time and today have no desire to EVER drink again. I'm confused....
CONGRATULATIONS on your 38 days!!! You are an inspiration!!!! Keep up the great work so you can be of further help to us
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Wellness - you are a very lucky person on two fronts - 1) a hugely supportive and awesome husband, and 2) knowing that regardless of "if" you are, the right thing to do is not to drink until you get through this.
In my case, after reading much on this site, I can now proudly and unequivocally say that I am an alcoholic, and will do everything I possibly can to never drink again. My wife, threw me a big "private" coming out party that night.....kind of like, "it took you long enough to acknowledge it, but I love you for it"
In my case, after reading much on this site, I can now proudly and unequivocally say that I am an alcoholic, and will do everything I possibly can to never drink again. My wife, threw me a big "private" coming out party that night.....kind of like, "it took you long enough to acknowledge it, but I love you for it"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Chambersburg PA
Posts: 55
Thank you Wellness for sharing. You sound like me and when I was hitting the wine bottle; or box. I would drink other things as well, I'd get tired on one thing and switch to another. Eventually I came to realize I was not even enjoying the buzz I was seeking. I felt warm with the first drink but I could not stop there and really did not enjoy it from that point on I was just drinking because I am an alicholic and felt the need to. The next thing I knew I had polished off a whole 1/2 gallon of the poison of my choice for the day.BOY! I don't want to go back there again! Hearing you strugle has helped me this evening, again thank you for sharing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
While driving home from work, I had the feeling to go and grab a bottle of wine. I had to really focus on how I was feeling. I feel semi clear headed, my clothes are fitting me the way they should. I've worked so hard to get this far -- I drove by Spec instead of going in. That was hard because I kept telling myself I don't really have a problem and it's only wine and....and...and....(my excuses kept going on strong)
I followed my " new routine" as soon as I came home. I found my patience wearing thin. I was fine during the day, but as soon as I walked through the door I felt angry. I don't know if it's because I'm use to having that first glass of wine or if it's because I'm in the detoxing stage. I worked extra hard at the gym and near the end of my work out, I started feeling terrible for being so snappy at my kids. I came home and wanted to apologies but instead, I treated them the way they should be treated -- fair and with love. I went to bed and thanked the Lord for giving me the strength to not have a drink and to PLEASE never leave my side.
I followed my " new routine" as soon as I came home. I found my patience wearing thin. I was fine during the day, but as soon as I walked through the door I felt angry. I don't know if it's because I'm use to having that first glass of wine or if it's because I'm in the detoxing stage. I worked extra hard at the gym and near the end of my work out, I started feeling terrible for being so snappy at my kids. I came home and wanted to apologies but instead, I treated them the way they should be treated -- fair and with love. I went to bed and thanked the Lord for giving me the strength to not have a drink and to PLEASE never leave my side.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 27
Hi twogranddaughters - Very good question. I went to an AA meeting 2 years ago. I went for 1 week. I had one lady, whom I become semi-close with, attack me at the end of one of our sessions. During the meeting I spoke with honesty and told the group who I have supporting me at home. One happened to be my chiropractor who is a very close family friend. Attack may be a strong word however, that is how I felt. It was also done around some other people which embarrassed me to no end. She later called me to apologize, I accepted her apology however, I never went back.
I would rather deal with this the way I am. I do have the "The Big Book" that I think I will start reading again. I am so glad that I stumbled across this site. I don't feel so alone anymore and more-so, not judged either. Thank you everyone!!
I would rather deal with this the way I am. I do have the "The Big Book" that I think I will start reading again. I am so glad that I stumbled across this site. I don't feel so alone anymore and more-so, not judged either. Thank you everyone!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
