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Am I just switching my DOC?

Old 01-31-2012, 07:17 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by macknacat View Post
I do both AA and NA.
When I got here I was total garbage head . Thought I 'might' have a problem w/ booze so switched to pot for a couple weeks... heh, I stayed away from the bottle for 14 days - lets party!!!
Ok.
That was 16+ years ago. I came to understand that all those mind altering substances were just about me being afraid to know me. If I could have been a "recreational " user maybe I would not have lost the folks n stuff I lost. But I am not. Sooner or later I'm on a run or a run in or just plain running.

I have lost some privileges along the way- I can no longer be mean to my kid , my SO or myself. Can no longer act as if i'm center of the universe. No longer walk around high.... If I am not moving towards my recovery, I firmly believe I am moving towards a relapse.

And frankly- I am on a Big Life Roll. Seems like I get a lot done nowadays- finished writing my novel, building my 3rd boat [31' catamaran woo hoo!], sponsoring a few guys. workin steps , fishin with my boy, finished installing the last solar panels in Nov.... when I was using - these were all just mirages ,talk and lots o smoke. Now I participate fully in my life....

Its the only way i know how to live anymore
That is living! Congrats!
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Old 01-31-2012, 07:59 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I also feel that anything we use to light up that overloaded superhighway we call a pleasure center of our brain really can't be any good. If we are activating that part of our brain on a daily basis, we are not really getting away from the basic personality changes we need to become truly emotionally sober. As I"ve heard it said, if you jump into a propeller, does it really matter which blade hits you?
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Old 01-31-2012, 08:44 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I have I understand your plight firsthand. I was the same as you...needed to give up the booze, but held onto my friend MJ for "medicinal" purposes. All it was for me was a way to get out of my brain, just like I did with alcohol. Weed kept me away from the bottle for four years, but now I see I was not truly sober. Quitting weed after my last relapse with alcohol proved to be much harder than quitting alcohol itself. Even now, writing this, I'm thinking about picking up some for myself. I won't, but the thought is there. That spells out only one word... addiction. I know it's not possible to get physically addicted to marijuana... but the mental aspect, absolutely!
Now that I am TRULY sober, I can actually see the mess my head is in, and really get my hands dirty working on my problems, instead of constantly masking them in a haze brought on by one chemical or another.
As I said, it kept me from the bottle for four years, but it also kept me bottled up for four years. It's not worth it.
I hope this helps.
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Old 01-31-2012, 09:54 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Here's a little story that has given me some insight into this question.

I am still friends with an ex-boyfriend of mine who is a drug addict and alcoholic. He got into NA and AA and was doing awesome, or so I thought. During this time, I was getting drunk on a nightly basis, and was so near black out one night that I had to call him to come over and put me to bed.

Shortly thereafter, I was surprised to find out he was still smoking weed. "I'll always smoke weed," he told me.

Now he's smoking AND drinking again. He has a girlfriend who's currently in rehab and says he'll quit drinking when she comes home.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but somehow I doubt it.

And that's my point...I always wonder if the tremendous progress he seemed to be making at first in the program was held back because he didn't give everything up, entirely. He won't admit it, but I bet that when he was doing so well, he didn't see his life ending up like this again.
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Old 01-31-2012, 10:13 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Am I just switching my DOC?
Probably, yes. It's your sobriety though.



If you have to ask the question ..... may be you already have the answer.

To thine own self be true.
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