temtations
NAIOU
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Last house on the block.
Posts: 359
Choices we make.
Originally Posted by aeo1313 
How's it going? I ended up cancelling my dr appointment bc I didn't trust myself not to try and get an rx for more vicodin.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by aeo1313
How's it going? I ended up cancelling my dr appointment bc I didn't trust myself not to try and get an rx for more vicodin.
As for me, I did not make it yesterday, that's the bad news. The good news is I only took one pill and did not bring any home with me. Maybe I'm being naive, but I still consider it a good day. today I will not take any, not even one.
I did go to another NA meeting yesterday. I cried the whole way there. Stayed for 45 minutes, then somebody started talking about their children and my tears started pouring out and I had to leave. Will go again today.
yesterday was by far the worst day I've had. It got to the point that i simply could not function when the crying and irrational crazy thoughts got so extreme. today will surely be better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: London
Posts: 43
Hi Gal - that all seems really positive! Well done! Especially with the NA meetings. Hope it goes ok today. Ok so 1 pill isn't ideal, but with no more and you didn't bring any more home from your job plus NA meetings, I have every confidence in you that you will get through this. Keep strong Gal, you will get there 
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
I'd say your day went pretty well considering you could have taken much more- you had them on hand. We can do this!! I was thinking of you all day yesterday and that gave me strength. Today will be better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 93
One pill isn't so bad as long as you are (in your head) still moving in the right direction. I'm still tapering and in another 4 days, I'll be down to just 1 pill (split into 4 segments) for the last two days of the taper. Anyway. I'm dealing with some WDs as I'm stepping down. I have my arsenal of supplements, teas, (light) food, power aid, and OTC remedies. I'll be asking for a couple things from PM doc at my appt. tomorrow as well: clonidine (b/c I have high-ish BP anyway) and a long acting benzo. I've never had a problem with benzos so if I have to taper that too, I'll deal with that later.
Thursday, Feb. 9 is my revised jump date, so I'll be with you in spirit soon, although frankly, the WDs are already setting in at 20 mg of oxycodone a day so I have an inkling of what to expect. I made the mistake yesterday of not tapering enough doses per day because I wanted a 10 mg dose at night. By 7 p.m., I was fully shaking and completely lost mentally. I just went and sat by the fireplace (and I'm thankful I live with my in-laws who have a fireplace). Today, the doses were split evenly, and administered every 3.75 hours.
All this is to say, I know it sucks. I'm dealing with it too, and will be dealing with it for a while. You can do this! So can I!
Thursday, Feb. 9 is my revised jump date, so I'll be with you in spirit soon, although frankly, the WDs are already setting in at 20 mg of oxycodone a day so I have an inkling of what to expect. I made the mistake yesterday of not tapering enough doses per day because I wanted a 10 mg dose at night. By 7 p.m., I was fully shaking and completely lost mentally. I just went and sat by the fireplace (and I'm thankful I live with my in-laws who have a fireplace). Today, the doses were split evenly, and administered every 3.75 hours.
All this is to say, I know it sucks. I'm dealing with it too, and will be dealing with it for a while. You can do this! So can I!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by augustwest
if you use you're just going to have to go through this crap all over again. the only way out is through it by not using. it gets better.
Talking to doc about it tomorrow and I know, although he might not say it, he really wants me off if at all possible.
It gets better!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
My son had a minor medical issue (he's fine) I've been dealing with, so I haven't posted in couple days. I am doing really good. Tomorrow will be one week and I've only had 4 pills, awesome! I was at work 3 days this week (my source is there) and I took 1 the first day, 1 the second day, and 2 the third day. I know that is not ideal, but I still view it as a victory since my normal routine is at least 4 at work and then take enough home for the rest of the week. I didn't take ANY home. So I will definitely be pill-free for the next 4 days because I will have no access.
In the meantime, I've got some work to do on my "mind"...When I used on Monday, i justified it because my mental state had deteriorated to such an extreme that I was getting scared of what might become of it. But on Tuesday and Wednesday, no such justification exists, I did it for no apparent reason, "just because". So I just hope that next week when I face the same dilemma I will have more will power.
In the meantime, I've got some work to do on my "mind"...When I used on Monday, i justified it because my mental state had deteriorated to such an extreme that I was getting scared of what might become of it. But on Tuesday and Wednesday, no such justification exists, I did it for no apparent reason, "just because". So I just hope that next week when I face the same dilemma I will have more will power.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by GalFriday
I did it for no apparent reason, "just because".
Have you getting any face-to-face support? You were considering NA, weren't you? You don't have to do this alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Just because you are addicted. Reasons, no reasons. We use. You are just prolonging the withdrawals. But I'm glad you are feeling well, still positive.
Have you getting any face-to-face support? You were considering NA, weren't you? You don't have to do this alone.
Have you getting any face-to-face support? You were considering NA, weren't you? You don't have to do this alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: San Antonio, Ibiza
Posts: 4
Hi Gal, booze was my 'thing' and a trick that helped me during the moments I craved was to be still for a few secs, take a few deep breathes, and actually allow yourself to feel the craving ( sounds odd I know) and say to yourself ' can I want this .... ( whatever it is) as much as I do'. Then say to yourself ' can I NOT want this ... as much as I do' and allow that feeling. Repeat this several times. This brings the opposite polarities together and takes the 'battle' out of the situation - bringing you back to 'neutral' the place where you don't think about or crave it. Live from moment to moment and do not put pressure on yourself by thinking forward a day at a time - that's way too long. Hope this helps a little. You CAN do this. NEVER give up.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
have you picked up any Na literature? they have numerous free pamphlets and the basic text costs like 8 bucks. worth checking out.
also, taking a close look at how you are obtaining these pills would be a good idea. its great that its only been four, but where do your methods fit in with your values? I had to take a hard look at all the mental activity and actions that preceded my using as much as the using itself. it painted the real picture of where my addiction took me.
I'm very happy that you are doing better. until I was 100% substance free for a bunch of 24 hours that nagging sense of doom lingered. total abstinence is what opened the door to my new life that I love today.
good luck!
also, taking a close look at how you are obtaining these pills would be a good idea. its great that its only been four, but where do your methods fit in with your values? I had to take a hard look at all the mental activity and actions that preceded my using as much as the using itself. it painted the real picture of where my addiction took me.
I'm very happy that you are doing better. until I was 100% substance free for a bunch of 24 hours that nagging sense of doom lingered. total abstinence is what opened the door to my new life that I love today.
good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North FLA
Posts: 115
Glad you're still with us GF. Happy for your progress. Also glad to hear your son is well.
It sounds though, like at some point you'll need some help. I hope that you get what you need and are successful.
Keep posting and be strong.
It sounds though, like at some point you'll need some help. I hope that you get what you need and are successful.
Keep posting and be strong.
Last edited by ownmybehavior; 02-02-2012 at 06:09 AM. Reason: punctuation.
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