crisco

Today, I had series of panic attacks and other things. I had thoughts of suicide which I believe that I did not intend to act upon, but just thoughts of desperation. I wanted to drink over this incident.

My job is really stressing me out to the point where I am entertaining thoughts of drinking again/ I overhead a conversation where the boss stated that he was not going to fire me, but I still got stressed because I was eavesdropping and felt guilty about it. Instead of minding my own business, eavesdropping causes more stress than if I just ignored the bosses talking about me.

I wanted to go home yesterday and I went OCD in the car about killing myself and hating myself. I think that drinking is over time.

My work has been bent over backwards for me. Yet, I do not feel gratitude. All I just do fear, panic, and worry about my problems.

And of course, drinking is a temporary solution. It will not solve the problem, and it will make it worse. Yet, I just do not have either the guts to leave the job,.

Suicide will not solve anything and yet, I know that I have no solutions to my problems. I am driving myself and my parents crazy with these OCD panic attacks

I believe that I am not using the tools of the program or I have real hard time believe that a higher power can restore me to sanity. I have hard time to pray and believing that God would restore me to sanity.

I am not happy with life. I resent myself and I have millions forms of fear.
Oh well, I guess that I will make six months being sober, but not with the true peace and growth that I deserve.

sugarbear1

Breathe.

Are you working any steps with a sponsor?
Steps 4-7 saved my life. By working the steps, I came to believe (step 2) my higher power was restoring my sanity and have been able to go to step 3 as often as I need to...

Prayers sent to you. I pray my Higher Power helps you to relax & think more efficiently & clearly...

Jump into your toolbox!

jocata

Crisco hang in there!

Have you talked to a doc about your panic attacks? I'm sure you know that drinking will only make that much worse after you sober up.

I've noticed that it does get tough for many people around the 3, 6, 9 monthe period.

Keep pushing your way through it and work your program. It will pass.

Keep posting and let people know how you are feeling.

I promise you are not alone.

God bless.

SSIL75

Crisco are you seeing anybody about your anxiety? A qualified therapist should be able to help. Why not start with your doctor.

Bikeguy

Alcohol will just compound any problems or anxiety you are having, please see a doctor or therapist, they can and will help you. Wishing you peace and serenity.

Dee74

I hope you'll see a Dr and/or therapist too Crisco.
take care of yourself

D

sissy07

Crisco,

I concur with Bikeguy. I understood every word you said....as others on this site may.....but I think it is time that you sort this out with a professional. I give you credit for posting what you did, but getting help right now may be a shortcut for you. Whatver you do, DON'T DRINK. If you feel badly now, just imagine how you would feel if you "turned on yourself". Take care.

crisco

I did drink and things did not turn to out to be miserable as I thought they did. I do not feel miserable right now. I feel that I am wonderful place of acceptance and sucks that I drank, but I could not reach the place of acceptance without the booze.

Drinking does not work for the majority of us. It works me for when I need a moments of clarity but I only drink when I absolutely have to in order to have sanity. I have no need to drink for years and years because what needed happened to today and happened. It changed the path of my life for the next several years and luckily, I do not need to drink over it. I needed to drink for today and for today only.

Alcohol is only temporarily solution that only lasts for a few moments. Please note that it might be necessary some cases to gain sanity back to a moment, but should not be resumed as a method to remain sanity. Contrary to mythology in AA, drinking does provides us with moments of clarity, but those moments only temporary and return to sobriety should done ASAP.

Not all alcoholics can drink like this and so this should not tried as a solution to have sanity. In my cases, short periods of drinkings help me to deal with issues of insanity, but I lose my sobriety often to this problem. I regain my sobriety every time, but not all alcoholics can do this.

The reality is that any alcoholic can lose everything after the first drink. And that means everything. Don't follow my advice. My advice works for me and me only.

sugarbear1

As long as your solution works (alcohol), you will drink. Wheen it stops working, other solutions are available. You aren't unique, just another alcoholic seeking a solution.
Best wishes,