So over Alcohol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
So over Alcohol
Nothing good comes of it EVER. I'm still sad that since last May I've screwed up a couple of days. Sometimes I hate AA for tracking time. I feel like so much pressure is put on me. I've been so stressed out over it. I want to let this feeling go but it pops up all the time.
Just today I'm at my desking thinking. I wish I had a year, just a year and I'd feel so much better.
I'm also battling staying in the present and worrying about what may happen in terms of my health in the future. Ugh! I have to get out of my own head.
I was at a speaker meeting this week but felt worse after it. Every time I listen to someone speak I question how bad my drinking was. I know I can't do it but these stories are always so horrible. Believe me I'm no picture of perfect but I feel my jaw haning open and feel like an idiot at these meetings. I look around me and no one else is doing this. Maybe I'm just immature. LOL
I needed to vent today. I think I coast for a while and I go to my meetings, do "the next right thing," and all the AA speak but then for whatever reason I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I probably sound dramatic but it's reality.
Being alcoholic is okay some days and hits me like a ton of bricks the next. I don't even know if I'm making any sense.
One other thing. Many times when I state how I feel in a meeting I get the AA speak and I feel as though my feelings are not being heard. For example, the I'm concerned about my health issue - I was told "don't project." What? I have a disease and I want to express my fears about it.
I'll have to look for empathy somewhere else.
Just today I'm at my desking thinking. I wish I had a year, just a year and I'd feel so much better.
I'm also battling staying in the present and worrying about what may happen in terms of my health in the future. Ugh! I have to get out of my own head.
I was at a speaker meeting this week but felt worse after it. Every time I listen to someone speak I question how bad my drinking was. I know I can't do it but these stories are always so horrible. Believe me I'm no picture of perfect but I feel my jaw haning open and feel like an idiot at these meetings. I look around me and no one else is doing this. Maybe I'm just immature. LOL
I needed to vent today. I think I coast for a while and I go to my meetings, do "the next right thing," and all the AA speak but then for whatever reason I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I probably sound dramatic but it's reality.
Being alcoholic is okay some days and hits me like a ton of bricks the next. I don't even know if I'm making any sense.
One other thing. Many times when I state how I feel in a meeting I get the AA speak and I feel as though my feelings are not being heard. For example, the I'm concerned about my health issue - I was told "don't project." What? I have a disease and I want to express my fears about it.
I'll have to look for empathy somewhere else.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Have you read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle?
It's a great book for showing you how to find peace. He tells you how stay in the moment, how to let go of the past, and how to embrace the future, whatever it will be.
It's a great book for showing you how to find peace. He tells you how stay in the moment, how to let go of the past, and how to embrace the future, whatever it will be.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi 1undone,
It will get better, your thoughts will settle down.
I am over 7 months sober and I can't belive how better I am getting especially in the last month.
I am looking forward to my one year sober as well. There will be bad days. Yes I sometimes felt people weren't listening to me or I couldn't express my feelings. This is why this forum is so invaluable to my sobriety I have a chance to take the time to express myself and there is always someone who understands what I am on about.
Keep going, keep strong and keep posting whatever you feel and want to say.
CaiHong
It will get better, your thoughts will settle down.
I am over 7 months sober and I can't belive how better I am getting especially in the last month.
I am looking forward to my one year sober as well. There will be bad days. Yes I sometimes felt people weren't listening to me or I couldn't express my feelings. This is why this forum is so invaluable to my sobriety I have a chance to take the time to express myself and there is always someone who understands what I am on about.
Keep going, keep strong and keep posting whatever you feel and want to say.
CaiHong
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