The Serenity of Acceptance
SoberOutlook
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
The Serenity of Acceptance
It took me several decades to surrender to God about my alcoholism, and to accept the program of AA. 5 months ago tomorrow, I made that critical decision, and my surrender has changed my life. No longer do I have to wonder "am I or am I not an alcoholic". That decision had been stripped of me long ago, yet I continued to contemplate the question in vain.
I am not an AA crusader. I, like many I know, resisted the tenets of AA, and I still question many of them. I did not surrender to AA; rather, I surrendered to my disease, and decided I need outside help. In my area, AA has proven to be the best method for me. So, don't mistake my post as advocating any one method over another; it is not.
But, yesterday, as I was sitting at my desk, I noticed a wallet-sized trifold AA publication that caught my eye, and sent my mind to thinking. It outlined the serenity prayer, the 3rd step prayer, the 7th step prayer, and an excerpt from the big book. If you've attended an AA meeting, you are probably aware of the first stanza of the Serenity prayer. But there's more:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did, this sinful world as it is; not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life; and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. -Reinhold Niebuhr
I don't recall having read the entire prayer before. It is a prayer of surrender, and one that calls to mind a feeling of utter defeat. That didn't settle with me at first. I mean, do we really have to completely surrender that we are hopeless alcoholics to get better?
Upon reflection, I remembered that, for me, I first found myself in detox 28 yrs ago, having abused alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, LSD, and most anything else that didn't require a needle, of which I was afraid. I stayed sober completely for a year and a half. Then, I started smoking pot, then drinking, and so on. My coke and stimulant use thereafter was fleeting, and I never used LSD again, but did use mushrooms on a couple of occasions. I then used for the next 26 years, knowing I had a problem, but wondering if I was an alcoholic. Although I would "quit" for a month or two every year or two, and attend AA on some of those occasions, I never gave myself a fighting chance, because I never truly accepted myself as an addict, and, therefore, didn't surrender to the problem.
Not every addict has an acute issue. Many of us get lucky and don't get arrested or hurt or kill someone because of their addiction. For three decades, I rode the fence, and never sobered up enough to make an honest assessment. As I said earlier, those around me had reached their assessment long ago.
What finally got to me was that I was losing myself; my drive, my interests, my self-respect and esteem, my happiness and satisfaction in every area of my life, not to mention my financial security, friendships, and family relationships. When I realized all that, I knew it was time to come off the fence.
5 months ago, I made a decision to decide. I acknowledged the obvious: I'm an addict, most characterised by my alcoholism. For three decades, I have squandered the precious gifts of God and of life for my own selfish indulgences, and became arrogant and obnoxious in the process. What an ass I had become. And, it took me almost 3 decades to realize it. I don't want to paint too dismal a picture; my life had a lot of good parts, too, over the decades, and a lot of fun, but the experiences were almost always overshadowed by my addictions.
By accepting myself as an addict, I rid myself of the angst of constantly questioning and wondering whether I was or not an addict. Looking back, it should have been obvious from the start. Had it been, I would be a different person now. But, we all have to start somewhere, somehow, and this is my start. I accept that.
AA's Big Book says it best:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situations as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober, unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
I'm glad to see so many people searching for their answers here on SR. It's been a God-send to me, and many others.
I hope and pray your journey to and through sobriety will be open and honest, and that you don't consternate about whether you are or are not an alcoholic or addict for as long as I did.
Peace to All,
I am not an AA crusader. I, like many I know, resisted the tenets of AA, and I still question many of them. I did not surrender to AA; rather, I surrendered to my disease, and decided I need outside help. In my area, AA has proven to be the best method for me. So, don't mistake my post as advocating any one method over another; it is not.
But, yesterday, as I was sitting at my desk, I noticed a wallet-sized trifold AA publication that caught my eye, and sent my mind to thinking. It outlined the serenity prayer, the 3rd step prayer, the 7th step prayer, and an excerpt from the big book. If you've attended an AA meeting, you are probably aware of the first stanza of the Serenity prayer. But there's more:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace;
Taking as He did, this sinful world as it is; not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life; and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. -Reinhold Niebuhr
I don't recall having read the entire prayer before. It is a prayer of surrender, and one that calls to mind a feeling of utter defeat. That didn't settle with me at first. I mean, do we really have to completely surrender that we are hopeless alcoholics to get better?
Upon reflection, I remembered that, for me, I first found myself in detox 28 yrs ago, having abused alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, LSD, and most anything else that didn't require a needle, of which I was afraid. I stayed sober completely for a year and a half. Then, I started smoking pot, then drinking, and so on. My coke and stimulant use thereafter was fleeting, and I never used LSD again, but did use mushrooms on a couple of occasions. I then used for the next 26 years, knowing I had a problem, but wondering if I was an alcoholic. Although I would "quit" for a month or two every year or two, and attend AA on some of those occasions, I never gave myself a fighting chance, because I never truly accepted myself as an addict, and, therefore, didn't surrender to the problem.
Not every addict has an acute issue. Many of us get lucky and don't get arrested or hurt or kill someone because of their addiction. For three decades, I rode the fence, and never sobered up enough to make an honest assessment. As I said earlier, those around me had reached their assessment long ago.
What finally got to me was that I was losing myself; my drive, my interests, my self-respect and esteem, my happiness and satisfaction in every area of my life, not to mention my financial security, friendships, and family relationships. When I realized all that, I knew it was time to come off the fence.
5 months ago, I made a decision to decide. I acknowledged the obvious: I'm an addict, most characterised by my alcoholism. For three decades, I have squandered the precious gifts of God and of life for my own selfish indulgences, and became arrogant and obnoxious in the process. What an ass I had become. And, it took me almost 3 decades to realize it. I don't want to paint too dismal a picture; my life had a lot of good parts, too, over the decades, and a lot of fun, but the experiences were almost always overshadowed by my addictions.
By accepting myself as an addict, I rid myself of the angst of constantly questioning and wondering whether I was or not an addict. Looking back, it should have been obvious from the start. Had it been, I would be a different person now. But, we all have to start somewhere, somehow, and this is my start. I accept that.
AA's Big Book says it best:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situations as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober, unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
I'm glad to see so many people searching for their answers here on SR. It's been a God-send to me, and many others.
I hope and pray your journey to and through sobriety will be open and honest, and that you don't consternate about whether you are or are not an alcoholic or addict for as long as I did.
Peace to All,
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I used and abused everything under the sun also. But, it always starting with drinking. I use AA also , and love it.
But I too dont want to say what program works for anyone. I dont care if you stand on your head for years , just not to drink. But you need to find peace inside . And you have!!!!!!!
Awesome post Lofty,
I was shocked to see that after 5 months of the program you never read or heard the whole serenity prayer. Glad you have, its beautiful.
Good love, Inda
But I too dont want to say what program works for anyone. I dont care if you stand on your head for years , just not to drink. But you need to find peace inside . And you have!!!!!!!
Awesome post Lofty,
I was shocked to see that after 5 months of the program you never read or heard the whole serenity prayer. Glad you have, its beautiful.
Good love, Inda
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Miami, Fl
Posts: 18
WOW this is a great post! I refused AA/NA for years thinking I was too good for them. I finally surrendered to my disease and decided to give them both a chance. For the past month the rooms have been an integral part of my recovery. I still have my reservations regarding some of stuff the literature says but I plan on keeping an open mind and keep going to them on a daily basis. In fact, I am leaving soon to go to a meeting . Thank you for such a great post!
. Thank you for such a great post!
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