Hello All, I'm new, just joined a few hours ago
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 19
Hello All, I'm new, just joined a few hours ago
I've been struggling with "Binge" drinking on and off my entire life. I am 49 years old, I have stopped drinking many times for long periods, but somehow I always end up overdoing it.
New Years Eve was nice, my husband and I had a quite night at home, some champagne, etc. It felt great to wake up without a hangover, I thought, gee, this feels good!
He made us mimosas on New Years Day in the morning, a nice treat, then I took a little nap, THEN we decided to go out.
Here's MY problem.
When I start to drink, at a certain point, I start accelerating my alcohol intake, if I'm drinking beer, I have to start drinking shots, if I'm drinking mixed drinks, like Manhattans or Martinis I don't stop until I'm fully intoxicated.
When I pass the point of no return, I do black out frequently when I drink, I tend to get angry and start picking at people. Anything negative inside my head, whether from yesterday or fifteen years ago, starts to come out with a fresh anger, sometimes even rage.
I have to stop doing this.
So we went out, I was drinking beer with him, everything was fine. Saw some old friends, started with the shots. He wanted to be home by 8 to watch a football game, I was "just warming up" and stayed to catch a ride home with some friends...thought I'd be okay.
Well, not quite sure what happened really, I have bits and pieces of a confrontation with the bartender (who I don't really care for), and probably offended some friends as well. I vaguely remember a ride home, very vaguely. Made something to eat and evidently started picking on my husband about something again.
This is happening way too frequently.
It's like this monster comes out when I'm drunk and I can't control it. I just nitpick and start arguments and rant for no reason. Most of the time the next day I don't remember what I've done, and look for clues to try to figure out if I fought with him the night before...I am never sure.
I want this to stop.
So I decided today (now it's yesterday I guess), the 2nd of January that I have to stop drinking.
I really feel like it's damaging my life. I've quit before but always cycle back. Usually when I quit before something major happened, like a break up or a major fight, but I just am sick of acting like a jerk and not remembering what I said or how I may have hurt those close to me.
I've tried AA once before, I really am not into the whole "meeting" process so I am going to try it alone for now anyway.
I am in the process of returning to college, I start a full schedule next week for the Spring semester and I am hoping this will help to distract me, it's nagged me for years to go back to school, I also work full time, so I am hoping this major lifestyle change will help for me to stop.
I'm going to try my best and am hoping to get confidential online support here, so that's where I'm at.
I am happy to have found this site.
Thank you for reading this post.
New Years Eve was nice, my husband and I had a quite night at home, some champagne, etc. It felt great to wake up without a hangover, I thought, gee, this feels good!
He made us mimosas on New Years Day in the morning, a nice treat, then I took a little nap, THEN we decided to go out.
Here's MY problem.
When I start to drink, at a certain point, I start accelerating my alcohol intake, if I'm drinking beer, I have to start drinking shots, if I'm drinking mixed drinks, like Manhattans or Martinis I don't stop until I'm fully intoxicated.
When I pass the point of no return, I do black out frequently when I drink, I tend to get angry and start picking at people. Anything negative inside my head, whether from yesterday or fifteen years ago, starts to come out with a fresh anger, sometimes even rage.
I have to stop doing this.
So we went out, I was drinking beer with him, everything was fine. Saw some old friends, started with the shots. He wanted to be home by 8 to watch a football game, I was "just warming up" and stayed to catch a ride home with some friends...thought I'd be okay.
Well, not quite sure what happened really, I have bits and pieces of a confrontation with the bartender (who I don't really care for), and probably offended some friends as well. I vaguely remember a ride home, very vaguely. Made something to eat and evidently started picking on my husband about something again.
This is happening way too frequently.
It's like this monster comes out when I'm drunk and I can't control it. I just nitpick and start arguments and rant for no reason. Most of the time the next day I don't remember what I've done, and look for clues to try to figure out if I fought with him the night before...I am never sure.
I want this to stop.
So I decided today (now it's yesterday I guess), the 2nd of January that I have to stop drinking.
I really feel like it's damaging my life. I've quit before but always cycle back. Usually when I quit before something major happened, like a break up or a major fight, but I just am sick of acting like a jerk and not remembering what I said or how I may have hurt those close to me.
I've tried AA once before, I really am not into the whole "meeting" process so I am going to try it alone for now anyway.
I am in the process of returning to college, I start a full schedule next week for the Spring semester and I am hoping this will help to distract me, it's nagged me for years to go back to school, I also work full time, so I am hoping this major lifestyle change will help for me to stop.
I'm going to try my best and am hoping to get confidential online support here, so that's where I'm at.
I am happy to have found this site.
Thank you for reading this post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 19
Thank you Sissy. I'm just really really tired of living like this and hope that I can make a permanent change, it's not fun anymore, whenever I drink the next day I have to struggle to remember if I fought with anyone, etc. It's at least once a week these days, it's time for me to stop. I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm going to do my best. If I don't, I'm going to damage my life on a level that I don't want it to be damaged at. Thanks so much.
One Day At A Time!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Snooper you came to the right place. Hope that you can find what you need here. If it is people who have been there, done it, and made it back we have them, newbies to sobriety, and everything in between. We'll fit you in somewhere comfy.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
You'll dig this site snooper..... there's plenty of info, and some of it's even good - ba-dum bump (heh, just kidding around).
I hope you can make your plan work. Many many problem drinkers have found many ways to stop drinking and straighten their lives out. Many need more, a new plan, a program of action, and/or a complete overhaul.....and that's available too.
I hope you can make your plan work. Many many problem drinkers have found many ways to stop drinking and straighten their lives out. Many need more, a new plan, a program of action, and/or a complete overhaul.....and that's available too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 19
Thank to Day Trader And Elizabeth! I spent a few hours late night last night chatting, cruising and reading the site. There are a book or two I want to pick up. AA is not my style but got some valuable ideas for self help. Nice to meet you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Bangor, Maine
Posts: 34
Snooper
Welcome! You are in the right place for finding the strength and determination for getting your life back. I couldn't just have a glass of bourbon, I had to empty the entire bottle.
Stay strong and sober!!
Welcome! You are in the right place for finding the strength and determination for getting your life back. I couldn't just have a glass of bourbon, I had to empty the entire bottle.
Stay strong and sober!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 19
How Alcohol Ruined My Holidays in 2011
I was good on Thanksgiving, I knew alcohol would ruin my apetitie, just had a little wine, stayed pretty sober...was happy.
Christmas came. Went to Mother In Laws for Holy Supper on the 23rd, drank wine all day, came back home, drank more wine...ended up picking on my adult son about how I didn't like his choice in women....blacked out...absolutely no memory of it, he told me about it the next day. Asked me "Why do you drink until you get to that point?"....that felt bad.
Christmas Eve...had a fine dinner, lobster tails, drank bourbon and coke, started out slow, then accelerated, got very drunk, blacked out, ended up picking on my husband for past sins...from who knows when, don't remember, he told me I picked on him the next day. Sometimes I think he blows things out of proportion, but how would I know, I black out.
Christmas Day...did not drink, made a nice dinner.
Thursday after Christmas, went out for sushi, did not drink at restaurant, enjoyed meal. Stopped at local club for drinks, started with beer, added shots, came home, fought with the husband.
PATTERN BECOMING BLARINGLY OBVIOUS!!!!! (Used to be I'd only fight after drinking once a month or less...).
New Year's Eve, took it easy, drank champagne at home with husband, did not get drunk.
New Year's Day, felt good, no hangover, Mimosas in the morning, went out in the late afternoon started drinking beer...added shots, POOF! sanity gone, stayed out after husband went home...blacked out, at least one confrontation I have a piece meal memory of, not good. Came home, argued with husband...broken nails and sore fingers on right hand, don't know what happened....
January 2, horrible hang over, guilt, shame, embarassment, uncertainty of what I did, but certain I acted like a fool.......decided to stop drinking.
I am only writing this out so that I can come back and look at it and remind myself that I am a person WHO SHOULD NOT DRINK!!!
Thank you for giving me the space to do this.
I turn from a nice, intelligent, successful person into a blathering, raging idiot when I drink. I MUST REMEMBER THIS!!!!
I don't want to alienate any more people, I don't want to be the subjecto of gossip, I want to be respected for the good person that I am, and the only way for ME to do that is to STAY SOBER!!!
Thanks again.
I like this cartoon because this post will be the club to hit myself over the head with.
Christmas came. Went to Mother In Laws for Holy Supper on the 23rd, drank wine all day, came back home, drank more wine...ended up picking on my adult son about how I didn't like his choice in women....blacked out...absolutely no memory of it, he told me about it the next day. Asked me "Why do you drink until you get to that point?"....that felt bad.
Christmas Eve...had a fine dinner, lobster tails, drank bourbon and coke, started out slow, then accelerated, got very drunk, blacked out, ended up picking on my husband for past sins...from who knows when, don't remember, he told me I picked on him the next day. Sometimes I think he blows things out of proportion, but how would I know, I black out.
Christmas Day...did not drink, made a nice dinner.
Thursday after Christmas, went out for sushi, did not drink at restaurant, enjoyed meal. Stopped at local club for drinks, started with beer, added shots, came home, fought with the husband.
PATTERN BECOMING BLARINGLY OBVIOUS!!!!! (Used to be I'd only fight after drinking once a month or less...).
New Year's Eve, took it easy, drank champagne at home with husband, did not get drunk.
New Year's Day, felt good, no hangover, Mimosas in the morning, went out in the late afternoon started drinking beer...added shots, POOF! sanity gone, stayed out after husband went home...blacked out, at least one confrontation I have a piece meal memory of, not good. Came home, argued with husband...broken nails and sore fingers on right hand, don't know what happened....
January 2, horrible hang over, guilt, shame, embarassment, uncertainty of what I did, but certain I acted like a fool.......decided to stop drinking.
I am only writing this out so that I can come back and look at it and remind myself that I am a person WHO SHOULD NOT DRINK!!!
Thank you for giving me the space to do this.
I turn from a nice, intelligent, successful person into a blathering, raging idiot when I drink. I MUST REMEMBER THIS!!!!
I don't want to alienate any more people, I don't want to be the subjecto of gossip, I want to be respected for the good person that I am, and the only way for ME to do that is to STAY SOBER!!!
Thanks again.
I like this cartoon because this post will be the club to hit myself over the head with.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Snooper!
Glad you're here - we know what it's like....... I always started off telling myself I'd go slow, have 3 or 4 drinks and go home. More often, I was one of the last ones at the party and ready to buy more on the way home. It's baffling, for sure.
Keep reading and posting - you can do this!
Glad you're here - we know what it's like....... I always started off telling myself I'd go slow, have 3 or 4 drinks and go home. More often, I was one of the last ones at the party and ready to buy more on the way home. It's baffling, for sure.
Keep reading and posting - you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
"When I start to drink, at a certain point, I start accelerating my alcohol intake, if I'm drinking beer, I have to start drinking shots, if I'm drinking mixed drinks, like Manhattans or Martinis I don't stop until I'm fully intoxicated.
When I pass the point of no return, I do black out frequently when I drink, I tend to get angry and start picking at people. Anything negative inside my head, whether from yesterday or fifteen years ago, starts to come out with a fresh anger, sometimes even rage." WOW snooper, I could've written this myself. It's the worst feeling ever especially since in "real life" I am sure you are as kind as me. For years I have fooled myself into thinking I can stop drinking before I get to the point but once a shot goes down (after many glasses of wine), you may as well put me in chains until I sober up because NOTHING will get in my way. I am so glad you posted and joined SR..welcome and ((hugs))
When I pass the point of no return, I do black out frequently when I drink, I tend to get angry and start picking at people. Anything negative inside my head, whether from yesterday or fifteen years ago, starts to come out with a fresh anger, sometimes even rage." WOW snooper, I could've written this myself. It's the worst feeling ever especially since in "real life" I am sure you are as kind as me. For years I have fooled myself into thinking I can stop drinking before I get to the point but once a shot goes down (after many glasses of wine), you may as well put me in chains until I sober up because NOTHING will get in my way. I am so glad you posted and joined SR..welcome and ((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
I was the same way with my intake of alcohol too snooper. At the end I didn't even drink beer anymore. Took too long to get drunk. On occasion I would pick fights, or jump into one already started just because it looked fun. Most of the time I was just a zombie.
Glad you are here!
God bless.
Glad you are here!
God bless.
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