one more time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,095
one more time
So, I did not stay sober this weekend like I promised myself I would. I am dealing with all sorts of repercussions from a issues last week at an event where I had too much to drink. Things have completely blown up and I may have caused a huge upheaval in my life. I just have to wait to see how that plays out. Of course, I'm beating myself up about my bad choices, and continuing to drink when I know I shouldn't and hurting others in the process.
I threw out all my open bottles last night and and am trying to stay sober. But, it's super easy to tell myself if I had a drink I could deal with all of this anxiety, but I'm holding onto the thought that alcohol is not going to help with this situation. Or any others.
Please wish me luck. I really need to beat this.
I threw out all my open bottles last night and and am trying to stay sober. But, it's super easy to tell myself if I had a drink I could deal with all of this anxiety, but I'm holding onto the thought that alcohol is not going to help with this situation. Or any others.
Please wish me luck. I really need to beat this.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by samwitch 
Please wish me luck. I really need to beat this.
Back in one of your earliest posts you wrote:
"So, I need a plan. So far my plans, which have been half hearted, haven't worked."
And still haven't, samwitch, three months later. And you still need a plan. If you look at your old posts you'll read much good advice. I sure folks will post here with more good advice. However, you have to make the decision to take the advice.
Mine to you would be to seek some form of face to face support because doing it alone and using SR isn't working for you.
Again, good luck.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Sam,
Ever notice that if a booger was hanging out of your nose some people would never tell you and make fun of you. Real friends would breach the embarrassment and tell you so you can avoid any further embarrassment?
Friends also will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.
Carl has been my friend for a long time, and now is trying to be one for you too.
Ever notice that if a booger was hanging out of your nose some people would never tell you and make fun of you. Real friends would breach the embarrassment and tell you so you can avoid any further embarrassment?
Friends also will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.
Carl has been my friend for a long time, and now is trying to be one for you too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,095
thanks guys. You're both right: nothing has worked so far and things have gotten worse. My real friends don't think I have a drinking problem--so interesting that I think I do.
I told my SO and also got the same response, he said, "just have one or two and stop." If it were that easy.
Off to find a plan of some sort.
I told my SO and also got the same response, he said, "just have one or two and stop." If it were that easy.
Off to find a plan of some sort.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 343
For Friends & Family Who Don't Think We have A Problem
Seems to me there's a lot of that around here and there are several current posts going around where follks like us (alcoholics) are being confronted in nice as well as NOT so nice ways about our drinking. 
Does anyone know of any links to good literature that will explain to these people why we CAN'T just stop with one? :codiepolice
Many truly don't get it.
Does anyone know of any links to good literature that will explain to these people why we CAN'T just stop with one? :codiepolice
Many truly don't get it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 153
samwitch,
I have encountered the same phenomenon in the past, friends who think that I don't really have a drinking problem. The thing is, I know that drinking is a problem for me, and once I choose to pick up that first drink, it will lead to more.
A good friend of mine drinks easily as much as I did, if not more. She says I do not have a problem. I half suspect that she says that because to agree that I have a problem, would mean she would need to examine her own drinking habits. Not saying that this is the case with your friends, just some food for thought.
Perhaps their denial of your problem is a defense mechanism for them...
At the end of the day, samwitch, only you can decide what is a problem for you and what isn't.
Does anyone know of any links to good literature that will explain to these people why we CAN'T just stop with one? :codiepolice
Many truly don't get it. Well, for starters, how about showing people the hundreds and hundreds of posts here on SR, by people that have tried... and failed?
I have encountered the same phenomenon in the past, friends who think that I don't really have a drinking problem. The thing is, I know that drinking is a problem for me, and once I choose to pick up that first drink, it will lead to more.
A good friend of mine drinks easily as much as I did, if not more. She says I do not have a problem. I half suspect that she says that because to agree that I have a problem, would mean she would need to examine her own drinking habits. Not saying that this is the case with your friends, just some food for thought.
Perhaps their denial of your problem is a defense mechanism for them...
At the end of the day, samwitch, only you can decide what is a problem for you and what isn't.
Originally Posted by flamingredhair
Does anyone know of any links to good literature that will explain to these people why we CAN'T just stop with one? :codiepolice
Many truly don't get it.
The Little Alcoholic Monstress That Could
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 1,159
I think once you decide you have really had enough and your willing to go to any lengths to stay sober you will. Maybe that means going to AA, getting a sponsor, working the steps, ceasing contact with anyone who isn't in support of your sobriety for a while, or other sobriety action steps. I hope you find what works for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
sam --
I agree everything said here. Honestly I have said that I want to stop drinking 100 times... and the point was that I didn't stop until I really felt like I was either going to die, end up in jail or stop drinking to start enjoying life. It took 3 DUIs, rehab, 2 car accidents and almost losing my family... to get me to the point where I wanted to stop drinking... and to keep stopped.
And, the other part on top of the desire to stop is putting a program that would help me stay stopped. For me I was in AA and until I started working the program and got a sponser I didn't have the tool to help me stay stopped. I finally got that ... and it is working.
So, I would guess my question to you is .. do you want to stay stopped? Or do you want to drink without conseqences? For me I always wanted to drink without the conseqences...
Good luck to you!
Saliena
I agree everything said here. Honestly I have said that I want to stop drinking 100 times... and the point was that I didn't stop until I really felt like I was either going to die, end up in jail or stop drinking to start enjoying life. It took 3 DUIs, rehab, 2 car accidents and almost losing my family... to get me to the point where I wanted to stop drinking... and to keep stopped.
And, the other part on top of the desire to stop is putting a program that would help me stay stopped. For me I was in AA and until I started working the program and got a sponser I didn't have the tool to help me stay stopped. I finally got that ... and it is working.
So, I would guess my question to you is .. do you want to stay stopped? Or do you want to drink without conseqences? For me I always wanted to drink without the conseqences...
Good luck to you!
Saliena
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Hey Samwitch,
Like Carl, I had a really strong reaction to your post. In the name of "Helping You" (but maybe really just being peeved because your post reminded me of myself so please don't take it too personally) I am going to tell you why (lucky you! LOL). Basically, what you wrote said that you are going to drink again and that it's not your fault, and you just wanted to let everyone know.
We all know, you included, that it's not about luck, or anxiety, or what your husband says. It's not about whether or not your 'real friends' think you have a problem. Do you think you have a problem? Do you care? Why are you here?
You can't have a plan until you have a goal.
Like Carl, I had a really strong reaction to your post. In the name of "Helping You" (but maybe really just being peeved because your post reminded me of myself so please don't take it too personally) I am going to tell you why (lucky you! LOL). Basically, what you wrote said that you are going to drink again and that it's not your fault, and you just wanted to let everyone know.
We all know, you included, that it's not about luck, or anxiety, or what your husband says. It's not about whether or not your 'real friends' think you have a problem. Do you think you have a problem? Do you care? Why are you here?
You can't have a plan until you have a goal.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,095
Ouch, I guess I really seemed to have angered people here. Not my intent, but boy, I guess that I didn't just solve my drinking problem on the first try isn't good enough for most of you.
I'm really regretting reaching out. For those of you who were a bit more compassionate, thank you.
I'm really regretting reaching out. For those of you who were a bit more compassionate, thank you.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
samwitch - no one is being hard on you to be mean. and I"m quite certain that no one here things you're not good enough.
Just wondering though -- how's drinking working on fixing the repercussions of your last drunk? Never worked out well for me.
It's time to do something different this time. It's up to YOU.
Just wondering though -- how's drinking working on fixing the repercussions of your last drunk? Never worked out well for me.
It's time to do something different this time. It's up to YOU.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Sam,
We are all victims of alcoholism who have rebelled and prevailed with a lot of hard self honesty and plain work and determination. We don't get angry at others here because we were the sorry drunks before we decided that we had had enough. I am sorry but you can't be our victim because there is no one to play the angry aggressive role for you that is needed. You can't be the victim of other victims. However many alcoholics do thrive on feeling sorry for themselves and each other. The place they do that is in bars.
What you are seeing is not anger. It is simply drunks that are recovered or recovering trying to ask you what you are going to actually do, and what your plan is? What have you worked thus far? AA for a few steps or none? AVRT? SMART Recovery? local counselors or rehab? In patient detox if detox is the problem? Have you talked with your doctor honestly and gotten his or her help? Or none of the above?
I ask the above not in anger but because we have people here who have used each or all of the above methods of recovery and if you really do want to recover they can help you with what part you are stuck on in any of the self help programs like here on SR. We'd love to see you make some headway. But before you start any journey you have to choose your method of travel, and you have to know where you are going. Because I promise you this. If you don't know where you are going, you will surely end up someplace else. We all learned that. Hope you realize you are worth your own effort.
We are all victims of alcoholism who have rebelled and prevailed with a lot of hard self honesty and plain work and determination. We don't get angry at others here because we were the sorry drunks before we decided that we had had enough. I am sorry but you can't be our victim because there is no one to play the angry aggressive role for you that is needed. You can't be the victim of other victims. However many alcoholics do thrive on feeling sorry for themselves and each other. The place they do that is in bars.
What you are seeing is not anger. It is simply drunks that are recovered or recovering trying to ask you what you are going to actually do, and what your plan is? What have you worked thus far? AA for a few steps or none? AVRT? SMART Recovery? local counselors or rehab? In patient detox if detox is the problem? Have you talked with your doctor honestly and gotten his or her help? Or none of the above?
I ask the above not in anger but because we have people here who have used each or all of the above methods of recovery and if you really do want to recover they can help you with what part you are stuck on in any of the self help programs like here on SR. We'd love to see you make some headway. But before you start any journey you have to choose your method of travel, and you have to know where you are going. Because I promise you this. If you don't know where you are going, you will surely end up someplace else. We all learned that. Hope you realize you are worth your own effort.
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
I have gotten some "harsh" advise from others but in my case I did ask for it. So I thought that I would explain it a little as I understand, and take it myself. They are not being angry or saying that not quiting the first time you tried is offending him, nothing like that. They are taking a no holds barred straight in the eye look at your situation and what you have said and telling you what he thinks isn't working based on their own personal experience dealing with this monster you are wrestling with.
I know that it may come off as angry but take it with a grain of salt and understand that ther are trying to help you. This is going to be tough and you are going to have to face up to the fact that it will be so, and They are trying to help you see that. Just to be clear They are not angry with you They are being direct and trying to help you see that you need to be so as well, and in Theyre opinion saying "wish me luck" is not being direct.
let me know if I am in the wrong here.
Just to let you know I am new to this as well only on day for of attempt number whatever but I am pretty used to getting strong negitive critisizm and I know that not everyone is. So please don't take offense just try to see things from the perspective of someone that has been where you are and had a long road to hoe to get out of it because they did what you are doing now. The people here are trying to show you the "short cut" for lack of a better term through the forest of years of trying to quit to the lake of sobriety.
Once again let me know if I am telling samwitch wrong but that is the impression I got from the messages to you and the ones to me.
in closing "goodluck"
INH
I know that it may come off as angry but take it with a grain of salt and understand that ther are trying to help you. This is going to be tough and you are going to have to face up to the fact that it will be so, and They are trying to help you see that. Just to be clear They are not angry with you They are being direct and trying to help you see that you need to be so as well, and in Theyre opinion saying "wish me luck" is not being direct.
let me know if I am in the wrong here.
Just to let you know I am new to this as well only on day for of attempt number whatever but I am pretty used to getting strong negitive critisizm and I know that not everyone is. So please don't take offense just try to see things from the perspective of someone that has been where you are and had a long road to hoe to get out of it because they did what you are doing now. The people here are trying to show you the "short cut" for lack of a better term through the forest of years of trying to quit to the lake of sobriety.
Once again let me know if I am telling samwitch wrong but that is the impression I got from the messages to you and the ones to me.
in closing "goodluck"
INH
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Like Itchy said, I don't think anyone is angry. Support comes in different forms. Initally I'm sure the "good luck," "welcome to SR," "you will find lots of support here," posts felt good. Very encouraging, I'm sure. But you've stated to us you've struggled, so as a support group we've stepped up our support. It made sound harsh, but I assure you the intent is to provide help in getting sober. Sometimes it is a hug that works. Sometimes a kick in the pants works better. Believe me, behind every kick is a hug!
((((samwitch))))
((((samwitch))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 3,095
Okay, I get it: tough love or whatever.
I have a plan: I'm going back to counseling, and I'm telling everyone(well, mostly everyone, not random strangers) I stopped drinking. I joined WFS. I've looked at AA, but I just don't think it's for me: higher power, and all that.
And, I'll keep posting here, although i was contemplating deleting my account after I first read some of the above comments. I do appreciate the support, believe me, but some people did seem a bit harsh. I AM sober, I'm not drinking, for heavens sake.
I have a plan: I'm going back to counseling, and I'm telling everyone(well, mostly everyone, not random strangers) I stopped drinking. I joined WFS. I've looked at AA, but I just don't think it's for me: higher power, and all that.
And, I'll keep posting here, although i was contemplating deleting my account after I first read some of the above comments. I do appreciate the support, believe me, but some people did seem a bit harsh. I AM sober, I'm not drinking, for heavens sake.
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