Headlong into a new life
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
There is a story in the Big Book that kind of touches on this...See if it rings a bell.
Pg 36 - 37
Yet he got drunk again. We asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. This is his story: "I came to work on Tuesday morning. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the boss, but nothing serious. Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still no thought of drinking. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.
"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another."
Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?
Pg 36 - 37
Yet he got drunk again. We asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. This is his story: "I came to work on Tuesday morning. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the boss, but nothing serious. Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would get a sandwich. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. I had eaten there many times during the months I was sober. I sat down at a table and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still no thought of drinking. I ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.
"Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I tried another."
Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else?
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome aboard Talulah! Any friend of huntress is a friend of mine! We are friends here, and inspire each other. Retired military here, so we share some similar experiences.
I am so sorry that you drank. But the fact that you came back bodes well.
I am sorry Talulah but there is nothing that will satisfy that alcohol desire. Tasting like it only makes it longer to sobriety instead of just taking a break from it.
That is why we go through withdrawal. We have to learn to live without it, physically and emotionally.
Opportunity to drink is always around us, we can't hide. Unless we are in jail. My wife is a normal drinker who has her Scotch rocks water and a twist of lime every evening when she gets home from work. When I quit I told her not to worry about drinking she could keep her scotch in the house. I also quit a 3 pack a day smoking habit and she still smokes. She keeps her scotch and a carton of smokes in the house. She works and I am retired. I am alone with it all day. No issue I quit not it. Not her. Like my education no one can take my sobriety away. Both of my sons are normal drinkers, and they drink when I am around too. That is about it, no one else I hang with regularly drinks at all. They are non-drinkers and not all of them from over doing it before.
So going to a party or wanting to satisfy that hunger ain't gonna work if you want to be sober. I had to do it for me. My wife could not help or force me. Just being there and letting me find my way with a reassuring touch or hug when needed was the right touch. One day she may need the same support from me. Right now we are giving that to you, to do with as you will.
What are you doing besides toughing it out alone for support. Have you self ID'd for treatment? Would you if it came down to that? I used the VA hospital, their docs, my docs, AA here, and counseling as well as my family and friends who I told and stood by me.
But you will hear lots of stories from recovered and recovering alcoholics/problem drinkers etc.
We understand as we all loved drinking when it was voluntary. Not when it became mandatory.
I am so sorry that you drank. But the fact that you came back bodes well.
I am sorry Talulah but there is nothing that will satisfy that alcohol desire. Tasting like it only makes it longer to sobriety instead of just taking a break from it.
That is why we go through withdrawal. We have to learn to live without it, physically and emotionally.
Opportunity to drink is always around us, we can't hide. Unless we are in jail. My wife is a normal drinker who has her Scotch rocks water and a twist of lime every evening when she gets home from work. When I quit I told her not to worry about drinking she could keep her scotch in the house. I also quit a 3 pack a day smoking habit and she still smokes. She keeps her scotch and a carton of smokes in the house. She works and I am retired. I am alone with it all day. No issue I quit not it. Not her. Like my education no one can take my sobriety away. Both of my sons are normal drinkers, and they drink when I am around too. That is about it, no one else I hang with regularly drinks at all. They are non-drinkers and not all of them from over doing it before.
So going to a party or wanting to satisfy that hunger ain't gonna work if you want to be sober. I had to do it for me. My wife could not help or force me. Just being there and letting me find my way with a reassuring touch or hug when needed was the right touch. One day she may need the same support from me. Right now we are giving that to you, to do with as you will.
What are you doing besides toughing it out alone for support. Have you self ID'd for treatment? Would you if it came down to that? I used the VA hospital, their docs, my docs, AA here, and counseling as well as my family and friends who I told and stood by me.
But you will hear lots of stories from recovered and recovering alcoholics/problem drinkers etc.
We understand as we all loved drinking when it was voluntary. Not when it became mandatory.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Tallulah
I remember trying all kinds of crazy plans and schemes to 'not drink' (ie not get drunk) but still keep alcohol in my life.
Mulled wine was one of my attempts too.
Itchy's right - drinking any amount of alcohol is just prolonging the agony - it's keeping us in the cycle where, like you found, a desire to drink defeats common sense and reason.
The way out of that cycle is not to drink - once we remove the alcohol we can set to, working out who sober us is - and how to stay that way... with a little hard work and support
There are many wonderful, non alcoholic beverages, out there that don't remind me of wine spirits or beer - taste shouldn't really be a concern here
D
I remember trying all kinds of crazy plans and schemes to 'not drink' (ie not get drunk) but still keep alcohol in my life.
Mulled wine was one of my attempts too.
Itchy's right - drinking any amount of alcohol is just prolonging the agony - it's keeping us in the cycle where, like you found, a desire to drink defeats common sense and reason.
The way out of that cycle is not to drink - once we remove the alcohol we can set to, working out who sober us is - and how to stay that way... with a little hard work and support
There are many wonderful, non alcoholic beverages, out there that don't remind me of wine spirits or beer - taste shouldn't really be a concern here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Good morning everyone. I just wanted to update and say I have stayed sober since the mulled wine experience and things are getting easier.
I like that passage from the Big Book, Sapling, because it rings so true for me, and for others, obviously. I've been reading a lot on SR and have found a lot of people have had the same experience. It seems we need a voice inside that is stronger than the alcoholic voice, with all its deceptiveness, whatever tools we choose to use to achieve that voice. And we have to remember the havoc alcohol created of our lives so we never take a drink again.
I like that passage from the Big Book, Sapling, because it rings so true for me, and for others, obviously. I've been reading a lot on SR and have found a lot of people have had the same experience. It seems we need a voice inside that is stronger than the alcoholic voice, with all its deceptiveness, whatever tools we choose to use to achieve that voice. And we have to remember the havoc alcohol created of our lives so we never take a drink again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Just wanted to update: Today is the start of another week sober and I'm feeling in a much better place today than I was this time last week. I went out with a friend and had pizza and watched a movie yesterday. Had a great time and didn't need or want alcohol to make it better. My depression does seem to be lifting now that the new medicine is kicking in, so things are getting easier all around. However, I will say that my sweet tooth is kind of out of control and I think I've put on a couple of pounds. I'm trying to reign in the eating a bit and also trying to walk or get some other exercise every day but I'm being gentle with myself for a while yet. I'll wait until the 30 day point to get more hard core about the exercise and eating.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Hi all,
Today is day 35 sober. I'm feeling very good today. I've still been struggling with medication issues and emotional ups and downs as a result but the past three days have been very good days. I've starting to get back into some old hobbies and look into some new ones.
I really value this board because of the stories of people I read on here. I especially like the threads that span a long period of time. Reading one earlier prompted me to come back here and post an update.
I admit that I've been thinking a lot about life with and without alcohol lately. It seems to me that life is just too sharp, too bright, and too loud. I just want something to "take the edge off" and the idea that I am never going to get that seems unfair, and rather depressing. I'm not scared to live without alcohol anymore, it's more of an annoyance. Despite these feelings, I keep on going, partly because of my own experiences with relapse and partly because of the stories of relapse I read on here. The two combined have convinced me that I just can not sustain moderate drinking and living a drunken, wasted life isn't worth it when I only want an escape from reality.
Today is day 35 sober. I'm feeling very good today. I've still been struggling with medication issues and emotional ups and downs as a result but the past three days have been very good days. I've starting to get back into some old hobbies and look into some new ones.
I really value this board because of the stories of people I read on here. I especially like the threads that span a long period of time. Reading one earlier prompted me to come back here and post an update.
I admit that I've been thinking a lot about life with and without alcohol lately. It seems to me that life is just too sharp, too bright, and too loud. I just want something to "take the edge off" and the idea that I am never going to get that seems unfair, and rather depressing. I'm not scared to live without alcohol anymore, it's more of an annoyance. Despite these feelings, I keep on going, partly because of my own experiences with relapse and partly because of the stories of relapse I read on here. The two combined have convinced me that I just can not sustain moderate drinking and living a drunken, wasted life isn't worth it when I only want an escape from reality.
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