eddie73

I had a rude awakening this week.

I am in my 4th month of sobriety. It is a hard lesson to learn about getting sober again. u have to go thru all the awful feelings of withdrawal again, it doesnt matter about how much sober time was put in before the relapse. Nor does it matter if the relapse is only a few days long.

Basically, a month ago I faced the grim feelings of dry drunken thinking and it was awful. last week, I had 2 nights of sleeplessness which triggered off a huge and terrible time of the horrors. I might as well have had been drinking whiskey for a month. It is hard.

My point is that this program is very hard. It is not for the faint hearted, and without support it is nigh impossible. My sponsor has been great. He told me to expect this to happen, albiet less frequently and less long in the future. I have to watch my sleeping, isolation, diet and anger. I would also add in exercise myself. there is nothing like feeling good after a workout.

So armed with this knowledge and recent experience, I am prepared for the next part of the journey- working the program full time.

jocata

I agree Eddie. I have had good lengths of sobriety in the past, and it is so much harder for me each time I get sober again. The withdrawals seem to last longer each time. I am on day 23 today. The last couple of days have been really tough. My sleep pattern is all messed up, depression has set in. Thank God for meetings and my sponser. I have been calling him everyday. I am just holding onto the hope that it will get better.
God bless.

ISPYSOBRIETY

Alcohol addiction conditions our tiny little minds into thinking of it affectionately and embracing it as a need, instead of a want. Why else on Earth would we wake up with our heads so congested feeling, that we wonder if we may have had a mild stroke in our sleep, and feeling nauseous to the point where we pass on eating, trembling as our nervous systems try to warn us things are not right.... then we repeat the process in a matter of hours.

The truth is, we don't take the upper hand, which is to FORCE the truth about the true effects (above) of that whole experience. If we did, we would give ourselves the ammunition we need to just say "to hell with it" then run to the store, buy a 24 pack of bottled water and CHOOSE that tonight, I drink, sip and taste only cold water or soda.

We just have to get to the point where we promise ourselves that never again will we experience the guilt of self-destruction. That we will call a spade a spade going forward and that we will recognize the fantasy of alcohol painting it's own picure of uphoria's delights, when we KNOW the truth, the discomfort, the guilt and the paranoia that IS the truth with our consumption of this poison.

keithj

Eddie,
Working the program full-time is the only thing that's worked for me. It transformed my life, and I've never again had to consider taking a drink.

So, what Step are you on? None of the hungry, angry, lonely, tired stuff you mentioned are part of the Steps. Those might be great things to watch out for, but if that's all your sponsor is focused on, you might want to look more closely at the specific and precise directions in the BB for having a spiritual awakening.

Back when I was just starting in AA, I came out of rehab and focused my efforts in AA on those same kinds of things. After nearly a year of not drinking, I had an epic relapse. When I came back in, it was with a desperation to follow the actual program of AA, because I had first-hand experience with being unable to stay sober on those 'human efforts.'

eddie73

Thanks for your replies guys.

I am on step 4. I hand over every morning and thank god at night. I pray frequently during the day. I know that it takes more than will power alone. I will say that you do need to watch the human aspects of this thing as well. putting myself in a situation which was very stressful (no sleep) caused a huge meltdown in my head. All the prayers that I said over the past 4 days, may well have worked but I shouldnt have put myself in that situ in the first place.

So god may well move mountains, but u have to bring a shovel as well.

Sapling

Well said...Read the directions for step 4 again...Tell me how many times he tells you to pray while doing that step....Follow the directions carefully.

Tosh

You're doing this thing the easier softer way; trust me. It took me about a year to knuckle down and get on with the program properly; I had trouble around the honesty area!

And yeh, even with some substantial sobriety time, we can still fall back into old ways of thinking, which isn't good.

And I fully agree with the exercise regime; I'm sure there'd be something in the Big Book about exercise if it wasn't written in 1937 and Bill W hadn't been a heavy smoker.

Keep on trudging!

keithj

Ediie,
Here's my consideration: Is it possible that the belief that I can manage my alcoholic thinking is a delusion?

Needing to watch the human aspects is not what my BB says. It says, 'no human power could have kept me sober. We have placed ourselves beyond human aid.' And there's the practical aspect. How well did watching the human aspects work for you last time?

It's a Step 1 issue. Do I have sufficient power to manage my alcoholic thinking, 100%, every single time? Have I managed it in the past, or has it led to a relapse?

If you really are on Step 4, how much inventory have you written today? Taking a Step requires action.

eddie73

thanks for all the look ins here!

I wont stay sober without the help of god for sure. But it doesnt mean that prayer alone will keep me feeling good.

Pigtails

I can relate to your post OP. I am trying to keep things simple and not over-think them. I think alcoholism likes to complicate things, to get our thinking all tied up so we think we need a drink. But really life can be quite simple and I'm realizing that I feel happiest in sobriety when I'm taking action, instead of just thinking about things so much. For me over-thinking things keeps me paralyzed and stuck and really selfish because I am just in my head instead of dealing with my problems and thinking about how my actions or inaction affect other people. For now I am trying to "turn off" my thinking except on a very basic level: Am I doing what I should be doing? Am I being honest with myself? Am I taking the easy way out or putting all of myself into something? Am I helping other people and thinking positively, or getting stuck in negativity and uselessness? I feel like my brain has betrayed me because all my thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere, so I'm tryign to listen to and follow what other people say (in AA and on SR) and to look at things very simply based on one-foot-in-front-of-the-other action and measurable progress rather than a bunch of analysis that gets me nowhere. I hope this helps you. I am no expert at it by far and am only just trying it in order to get out of my thinking rut, but it does seem to help so far. Best wishes.