PowerOfMind

I started my journey to recovery last week and stopped drinking for 5 days, then had wine on day 6 and 7, picked up and stopped again for 2 days, but unfortunately could not manage the craving yesterday, when a difficult neighbor attacked me verbally. It was like a fight and flight response, where I was not even going through the steps of observing and letting go of the craving....I just went to the fridge and grabbed a glass of wine to calm down, in a "reaction" type of behavior. Starting day 1 again today, but was wondering if there are techniques available that you guys know of, that can help when suddenly faced with high-stress/high-emotion situations? It seems in those moments, my mind has a "mind" of its own? Bummed about drinking yesterday, but determined to learn something from it and not repeat it. Unfortunately, we do not live life on a isolated mountain, removed from high stress situations. Advice? Thanks all.

doggonecarl

The last time you relapsed: "... I caved in and had 2 glasses of wine yesterday while tackling a big fishtank cleaning project."

Was that a high-stress situation? I don't think situations "cause" us to drink. If you are an alcoholic, like me, you drank...period. Now that you are trying to quit, suddenly there are reasons why you drink. I know of no technique, but I know drinking isn't the solution. I'd suggest getting into a recovery program to help you stay sober.

NewWay

I would get rid of any alcohol in my home. That is just setting yourself up for failure. I had 2 bottles of sparkling wine in my fridge on Nov 30, and I drank them both since I knew I was going to stop drinking on Dec 1.

Today is my 12th day, and I haven't had too many stressful situations, but I am already planning for them if I do. The more days i go without drinking the stronger I feel and the more I feel able to deal with what life throws at me. Right now,when the urge to drink comes, I talk myself out of it. It gets easier each day.

PowerOfMind

Congrats, New Way. Unfortunately, my fiance drinks daily and buys alcohol (we live together). I asked him to put it in the outdoor fridge as to not be tempted, but he does drink in front of me, which in my 5 days sober, I was able to handle. Not sure, if it is unnecessary tempation though during weak/craving moments in the long term? He did 3 days with me in the beginning as well, but says he does not want to stop completely. He is supportive and respectful of my decision to quit, but his belief is about reducing. Even though he drinks more than me and probably should quit alltogether as well.

NewWay

Not to be harsh, but if he was really supportive and respectful, he would go to a bar and drink, and not tempt you with alcohol in the fridge. I would also question whether or not he really wants you to stop drinking. I mean if you get sober, are you really going to want to be with someone who has a drinking problem and does not want to stop?

Now I am not saying that people can not stop drinking if there is alcohol in the house, but in the beginning, who needs that temptation.

Threshold

Power,
The title of your thread is starting over, but from your OP I think that you have already made a good bit of headway. Yes, you drank (phooey, let's not do THAT again) but your insight into the situation, and your being able to identify what was going on is a sign that you are some steps into recovery.

When we have made no headway, we cannot "see" at all, because we are too busy justifying our behavior rather than owning it!

You recognize that managing a craving isn't what it's about, that observing and letting go IS what it's about.

That fight or flight thing is one of my stubborn bug a boos. Letting fear, rather than trust guide my decision making. I have to talk myself down from my tree, and recognize that my feelings are not indicators of reality. Then move on to respond to reality.

The situation with your fiance still drinking is one I would find very difficult. I went to my boyfriend's place last night and he had made himself that included a bourbon sauce, the smell of bourbon and alcohol was in the air and on his breath. I felt jealous, angry, betrayed, sad, frustrated. I took the bottle, one which he had confiscated from my home after my overdose this summer, and cradled it. I felt a longing for the days when I could drink without serious consequence. I am shocked by the power of my response, I believed myself to be past that. But I realize today that I had not been confronted by that before.

I believe that as I grow in recovery I will be less vulnerable and reactive in such a situation.

I felt so hopeless earlier this year, regarding my life, addiction etc. But I have found that having a program and sticking with it, and moving forward with it, even when I don't feel like it, even when it seems that I am going nowhere with it helps. Progress is made, growth takes place, strength is built.

I don't have the self discipline or clarity of mind, at this point, to do my recovery without the framework of a program. One of the hardest things in my life was to admit that to myself. I wanted to be one of the people who could think themselves clean and whole all on their own, but I am not one of those. At first I felt humiliated, but that has morphed into humility. Those are very different things. Humility allows me to be honest without qualm or shame, to accept reality and make use of the tools available to me.

I get a sense, from what you've shared that you have honesty and humility, you are seeking tools. You are going to make it.

1undone

My Husband doesn't drink in front of me or keep alcohol in the house because he knows what will happen. ANY excuse... LOL I won't go buy it if something like that happens because there is too much time between the grocery store (5 mins) and me. That's how quick the urge to drink ends when I get stressed. I also look into the eyes of my 13yr old. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I have slpped up twice since I stopped in May. But I am given er all she's got! Hee hee - sorry I'm in a mood. (it's a good one though.

I'm glad you are seeking support. If anything this will be something that will ebb and flow as you finally get some sober time behind you. It's so hard, I know but keep coming back here and keep reading. It's amazing how much it helps. I can't imagine the physical mess I'd be in if I'd been drinking like I was since last May. I'd probably be in-patient. YIKES!

PowerOfMind

Hi Treshold, thanks for your supporting words. The fear vs. trust comment you posted is very insightful. I too will have to talk myself down from the tree when facing fight or flight triggers. Loved the visual imagery on this one I imagine myself on a tree branch trying to come down May I ask how long you have been in recovery? Any particular tools you recommend? Thanks again, Treshold.

NewWay

I can totally relate to your post. The grocery store is 5 minutes from me too so when I get the urge to drink I talk it out. What do I need to do to get that drink, and what will the consequences be after I drink. I have to get ready and drive through traffic to get to the store. After I drink, I will feel lousy. I won't exercise. I will gain weight. I won't get anything done. I will do something stupid. I will have to start all over again. I will have to get on SR and explain that I am on day 1 again, etc.

I also make sure drinking is my last resort. One of my techniques is keeping myself full. I am lucky in that I don't want to drink when I am full. So after I do all this, the urge eventually goes away.

I also agree about using SR for support and inspiration. It has sure helped me.

NewWay

Powerofmind--You may also want to check out the AVRT threads (part 1-3) on the Secular Connections forum. AVRT stand for Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy. It is away to recognize what is called your "addictive voice" and the "Beast" that wants you to drink. I am still learning about it myself, but it has helped me to control that part of my brain that does want to drink. I would add the link, but I don't know how to do that on here.

artsoul

Hi PowerofMind -

There were times I felt like I was on autopilot, too. Any little emotional change and I'd find myself reaching for a drink almost without thinking. After reinforcing that behavior for years, the compulsion wasn't going to go away overnight.

Once you start entertaining the idea of a drink, it's hard to break the spell. the sooner you can catch yourself, the better. Get up and do something or come here (like you're doing) and find some ideas/inspiration to help you stay motivated. Feelings will come and go, life is going to happen, but we can't sort it out while we're drinking.

Give yourself some TLC and a pat on the back for being here and wanting a better life for yourself and your family. You can do it!

instant

What made a difference for me was facing the idea that I will never drink again when I was a few days in to sobriety. That was really hard to do, but I decided I would not run away from the terror and let it wash over me. Subsequently I found it really helped to have reference points outside of me (for me the Moon, and light) that I could follow and take notice of, particularly if troubled or distressed.

I now see that alcohol forces us into our selves in a way that reinforces the addiction. I assume this is biological. It takes a long time to go away. I am still noticing big changes at 7 months (in two days).

I now accept that feelings come and go, it may hurt but if I just sit with it the good times roll around again soon enough.

Just keep at it.

Dee74

hi powerofmind

I think it's a big ask to be suddenly faced with a big stress situation and to then try and do something different.

Conflict was a big problem for me so I had to prepare for those situations before they happened, and have a plan ready.

Urge Surfing was a useful technique for me - it may help you too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

I think Carl has a point tho - I drank when I faced difficult situations for sure, but I also drank again for absolutely no reason at all.

sometimes I think we just simply need to look at the situation as a whole and make some changes.

Are there things you can think to add to what you've been doing to stay sober PowerOfMind?

D

PowerOfMind

Hi Dee, I definitely have a hard time handling conflict as well, I feel pannicky instantly, my heart rate goes up substantially and my blood pressure feels like it is going through the roof and even though I manage to seem calm on the outside, on the inside, it is a different story. I guess I should focus on breathing deeply and try to focus on something else. When conflict arises, I mull it over and over and over and have a tough time letting go. I don't have medical insurance so therapy may not be an option at this time. I am going to AA meetings regularly though, which has been very helfpul. Maybe I will attend more that 2 a week and see if that helps. Thanks for the urge surfing link.

Dee74

The important thing to remember I think is it's ok to feel those panicky feelings, however uncomfortable they might be - they're a normal reaction.

Reaching for the bottle to numb those feelings is actually an abnormal reaction and one that brings us a lot of pain.

D