lavida

I just found out a week ago that im hiv positive. Im still in the shock phrase and very angry, mostly at the guy who infected me because he does not show any remorse and ever since i told him hes just ignoring me. I dont understand how someone can alter your life and not feel any remorse. God knows, It hurts soo bad, and i just want to DRINK for one night to forget. Is that too much to ask. Its like i knew i was going to get sick because in October i just decided to stop drinking and smoking.Which was a good thing as being binge drinker and smoker while positive is not the best thing for my health. I just want to have one night where i don't cry or worry. I think i deserve to drink, i mean come on so much has happened.Help

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your news lavida.

I assume your Drs would have told you that a lot of things have changed with HIV treatments and prognosis since the 1980s tho.

I understand you wanting to forget - the trouble is even if you can forget you have to face it tomorrow. Isn't it better to face it now?

Isn't it better not to add to your problems?

will it really only be one night lavida?

I'm guessing your history with alcohol has not been good. It won't have changed.
you don't 'deserve' to go back to that - especially not now.

I'm really sorry - I can't imagine the anguish you're going through - but find support - there must be specific support groups & counsellors even where you are.

I think that's the healthy option, and I hope you'll choose that

D

Change4good

Lavida- Our family will hold you up in our prayers.

My husband is Catholic. So there is that. I am UU (And we start prayers with "To Whom It May Concern. . .)

Just know that we are thinking of you tonight, and wishing the best for you.

camedown

I am so sorry to hear your situation, and my heart goes out to you. I know when I am in a mood as the one you stated above, drinking only amplified it. Diving headfirst into an alcoholic depression might be the thing that pushes you into an area that you might not be able to escape from for a long, long time. I can't imagine how bad you are hurting, but I am fairly confident in saying that tearing one off will not prevent you from crying, but will only make it worse. I will keep you in my thoughts as you go through this very trying time.



camedown

lavida

Thanks everyone, your support is overwhelming...i'm blessed to be on this site. Trust me your replies do have an impact, i don't think ill touch alcohol today, one step at a time.

ttbp

I'm sorry to hear your news. I just wanted you know that you're in my thoughts xx

quitforme79

So sorry to hear what you are going thru lavida. I agree with Dee in that drinking will not solve anything as the problems will still be there when you wake up. For me, even drinking one night can throw me into a pretty severe depression and anxious state. I know you have a lot to deal with right now but just think of how proud of yourself you will be if you can handle all this with a clear head. I am sending hugs and prayers your way.

MsJax

Lavida, I am so sorry you are dealing with your hiv diagnosis . Being sober though, will only help your health now and far, far into the future. Please don't drink. My heart is with you.

eJoshua

I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible news. I'm glad you are deciding to try to stay sober through it. Hard times are only made worse by alcohol, I've discovered. Although that drink may seem like it's going to make you feel better it's only going to make you more depressed and anxious in the end.

RV GTO

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Lots of wisdom in the responses you have received and I'm glad you have come here for support.

I'll echo what the others have said - drinking will not solve any issue and and will only add anxiety. As Dee said, you will be facing tomorrow if you choose to drink.

You're in my thoughts.

RV

cuyootoo

Sorry to hear about that, it's terrible. Best wishes in your sobriety.

Pigtails

Wow, what horrible news, and what a horrible way to be treated by the individual who spread the infection. I honestly can't imagine what you must be feeling, but I know it would be incredibly heart-breaking news. I am really sorry that you are going through this.

I feel that your life can still be good and meaningful. You should love yourself and treat yourself well and have a good present and future even if the past has been really crappy. I hope you don't turn to alcohol although I do understand the temptation and rationale. I am new to sobriety-- 34 days after several false starts these past 6 months or so-- but I feel better emotionally, physically and spiritually than I ever had while I was drinking. With recovery can come hope and happiness even though you are going through such a hard time. I really wish you the best.

Anna

I, too, am really sorry that you're going through this.

I hope you make the decision to stay sober and focus on your health.

CaiHong

Lavida very sorry to hear that, words can't really express the horror on receiving such news.

Good for you for giving up the smokes and drink, this will but your body on a much better grounding to combat the disease, you know the drink will only make things worse. Now is the time to gather all your strength and fight this.

CaiHong

1undone

lavida, HIV + is not a death sentence but the person that spread it to you needs to be outted somehow so they don't do this to someone else. You have a long life ahead of you and people don't (most) view your status like they used to.

I don't want to minimize your feelings or situation. What I'm saying is please just don't drink. Find out who you can talk to about this with on a regular basis as that was an awful thing that was done to you. .

WhiteKnuckles

Oh Lavida, your post jumps out and tugs at my heart. I agree with 1undone, I was watching a show the other day where they said that due to advances in HIV medication, it is really a long term manageable disease and many HIV positive people are leading long, relatively healthy lives. Some have even gone on to get married, and have children and all that good stuff.

Still I am very, very sorry you are having to deal with this. Sobriety can be tough even under the best circumstances. Being a binge drinker myself, I can only tell you that if you continue to binge drink then you are robbing yourself of a chance to live each day to the fullest. None of us are guaranteed any amount of time on earth, anything could happen at any time, so it is always best to live each day as if it could be our last. Drinking to excess robs us of the ability to do this. I never truly realized how much time I had wasted and how much I had missed in life due to drinking until I stopped.

Perhaps this could be a wake up call that in time will encourage you to cherish life and with time maybe even help others in the same situation. Regardless of what choices you make Lavida I will be thinking of you and sending nothing but the most hopeful thoughts and prayers your way.

HUGS
WK

Hanna

Lavida,
I know you are feeling really terrible with this news. Just wanted to share that I have a friend that is HIV+ and he's living a very happy and healthy life. He's in a relationship with someone that loves him dearly and it has surely not been the end of the world for him.

I think this man is ignoring you because he cannot face himself. I hope you will not let this take you away from the sober path you are on.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

lavida

Thanks everyone, your posts actually made me smile, touched me and have given me a ray of hope!!! Its not easy and its a process i suppose in time everything wont seem so bad.
Yes drinking only worsens the problem, thanks for reminding me the emotional see saw alcohol puts you through anxiety, depression etc. So for today ill stick to my motto. DRINKING IS FOR FOOLS!!! God bless everyone that replied and thanks again