Things are going to get better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: anywhere, USA
Posts: 136
Things are going to get better
Guess who hit the ground again.. but I am trying to get up.. let’s see what has happened in the last couple of weeks..
I found out that the girl I broke up with because she kept cheating and lying to me after 2 years (we were never really in a relationship) is pregnant and she wants it to be mine but we don’t know whose it is.. the time line doesn’t match up but there is still a 20% chance it is mine
I fell down hard this summer (my fault not blaming anyone for my alcoholism) after months of dealing with her on again off again ways.
So I have that over my head, I let that kill my sober month in .. My drinking since that sober month has progressed (or maybe I just notice it more) my business has fallen off and of course I am worried about money.. I just spent the last 4 days drunk and having nervous breakdowns.. I went home for thanksgiving and couldn’t even stay because I had anxiety and wanted to go home and drink alone.
I love her of course but I don’t know what to do..
I feel so overwhelmed and I know that is what is most important is that I get sober both for her and me.. I found myself crying lately and I feel completely crazy.. I mean I have lost it.. I work from home and its driving me crazy.
I have to get sober things will get better right nothing lasts forever.. I was so close to achieving my goals this year in business but didn’t quite make the mark.. Normally I would stay drunk for the next two months but I can’t this time..
Things will get better right.. I cannot live with this anxiety..
I found out that the girl I broke up with because she kept cheating and lying to me after 2 years (we were never really in a relationship) is pregnant and she wants it to be mine but we don’t know whose it is.. the time line doesn’t match up but there is still a 20% chance it is mine
I fell down hard this summer (my fault not blaming anyone for my alcoholism) after months of dealing with her on again off again ways.
So I have that over my head, I let that kill my sober month in .. My drinking since that sober month has progressed (or maybe I just notice it more) my business has fallen off and of course I am worried about money.. I just spent the last 4 days drunk and having nervous breakdowns.. I went home for thanksgiving and couldn’t even stay because I had anxiety and wanted to go home and drink alone.
I love her of course but I don’t know what to do..
I feel so overwhelmed and I know that is what is most important is that I get sober both for her and me.. I found myself crying lately and I feel completely crazy.. I mean I have lost it.. I work from home and its driving me crazy.
I have to get sober things will get better right nothing lasts forever.. I was so close to achieving my goals this year in business but didn’t quite make the mark.. Normally I would stay drunk for the next two months but I can’t this time..
Things will get better right.. I cannot live with this anxiety..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Ed I'm sorry for all the mess with this girl - but you drinking won't change the outcome whatever it is, and it won't help you deal with whatever's coming next.
To be honest it sounds like the same kind of relationship you have with alcohol Ed...you want it to be different than what it is, and you're trying to ignore the fact you've been lied to, and the fact it's actually not been so great for you.
Get all the relevant tests done - and find out one way or the other.
I'm actually way more worried about you and your drinking - what are you going to do now to get back on the right road?
D
To be honest it sounds like the same kind of relationship you have with alcohol Ed...you want it to be different than what it is, and you're trying to ignore the fact you've been lied to, and the fact it's actually not been so great for you.
Get all the relevant tests done - and find out one way or the other.
I'm actually way more worried about you and your drinking - what are you going to do now to get back on the right road?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
EdHarley,
Welcome back, and I am sorry that you are going through this. Of course things will be alright IF YOU STOP DRINKING. I am glad you are back on here - now get back on the horse. You know it is not going to get better and it is not going to get easier. You need to be sober right now. Hey, there's still a month of this year left - use it to your advantage. Take care.
Welcome back, and I am sorry that you are going through this. Of course things will be alright IF YOU STOP DRINKING. I am glad you are back on here - now get back on the horse. You know it is not going to get better and it is not going to get easier. You need to be sober right now. Hey, there's still a month of this year left - use it to your advantage. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 111
Sounds like you have an interesting predicament there. I'm attending an addiction class right now, and I see a lot of people who have literally no way out... like no money, a lump of debt, time about to run out on stays at homeless shelters, no job (for most of above reasons), and very few options. Some even a kid or two.
You're certainly ahead of that curve. Let's pick somewhere to start.
* It looks like you have at least some income
* It's good that you work from home, so if you need to take some time off (to deal with something serious in particular, or you just need some time to yourself), you can take it without raising eyebrows).
* The anguish with your ex is a bit more than I've ever dealt with personally, but there is a simple test that can answer that question conclusively. Worst case scenario, in many states, if a mom refuses to do a paternity test, that's immediate cause for dismissal of a child support case.
* Sounds like you still have feelings for this girl, but from what you've explained thus far, she doesn't seem to be a great influence. I'd suggest avoiding contact with her for a week or two until you can get your head together. After that, I'd suggest only going with text-communication (sms text msg or email), to avoid anything getting too emotional.
* Can you "work from home" elsewhere for a few days? Maybe a trip home to your parents house would help if that's a realistic option.
Just throwing a few ideas out there. About all I can do unless you want to elaborate. Let us know how it turns out.
You're certainly ahead of that curve. Let's pick somewhere to start.
* It looks like you have at least some income
* It's good that you work from home, so if you need to take some time off (to deal with something serious in particular, or you just need some time to yourself), you can take it without raising eyebrows).
* The anguish with your ex is a bit more than I've ever dealt with personally, but there is a simple test that can answer that question conclusively. Worst case scenario, in many states, if a mom refuses to do a paternity test, that's immediate cause for dismissal of a child support case.
* Sounds like you still have feelings for this girl, but from what you've explained thus far, she doesn't seem to be a great influence. I'd suggest avoiding contact with her for a week or two until you can get your head together. After that, I'd suggest only going with text-communication (sms text msg or email), to avoid anything getting too emotional.
* Can you "work from home" elsewhere for a few days? Maybe a trip home to your parents house would help if that's a realistic option.
Just throwing a few ideas out there. About all I can do unless you want to elaborate. Let us know how it turns out.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
If you take care of yourself and get sober, won't you be able to do a better job of taking care of business and relationships?
So your focus on why you drink hasn't gotten you results, time to change tactics right? You do want results don't you?
Like you I started in despair of having the willpower, and in desperation reached out like you are doing now too. If you are desperate enough, and have had enough, you will say ENOUGH!
And whatever it takes, you will find it.
Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>
So your focus on why you drink hasn't gotten you results, time to change tactics right? You do want results don't you?
Like you I started in despair of having the willpower, and in desperation reached out like you are doing now too. If you are desperate enough, and have had enough, you will say ENOUGH!
And whatever it takes, you will find it.
Alcohol provides us an avenue to run away from all of our problems . . . except the results of using alcohol. <sigh>
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Hey EDHARLEY ----
When I saw the title of this thread....'Things are going to get better' I sort of cringed, and then I saw the ominous line in your opening post.....
"...I have to get sober things will get better right nothing lasts forever..."
I always cringe when I hear someone (anyone from an AA guru to a one-day miracle) tell another that 'things will get better.' Heck, if they don't appear to be getting better, those things may get worse, and that 'newcomer' may never again believe anything he/she is told....
Getting sober (quitting drinking and/or quitting drugs) is definitely not a panacea for all of life's ills......a person gets sober, yet that doesn't bring their S/O back; it doesn't zero-out his/her debts......etc., etc., etc.....
What I way prefer to tell newcomers is that if you quit drinking/drugging, your life will get.................different! I don't know a whole lotta folks in recovery who would say that their lives are the same now as they were way back when......
(o:
NoelleR
When I saw the title of this thread....'Things are going to get better' I sort of cringed, and then I saw the ominous line in your opening post.....
"...I have to get sober things will get better right nothing lasts forever..."
I always cringe when I hear someone (anyone from an AA guru to a one-day miracle) tell another that 'things will get better.' Heck, if they don't appear to be getting better, those things may get worse, and that 'newcomer' may never again believe anything he/she is told....
Getting sober (quitting drinking and/or quitting drugs) is definitely not a panacea for all of life's ills......a person gets sober, yet that doesn't bring their S/O back; it doesn't zero-out his/her debts......etc., etc., etc.....
What I way prefer to tell newcomers is that if you quit drinking/drugging, your life will get.................different! I don't know a whole lotta folks in recovery who would say that their lives are the same now as they were way back when......
(o:
NoelleR
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I dunno Noelle - I cringe sometimes when I see folks post things don't get better.
I know what that means - unicorns are not gamboling on my front lawn either - but it's not the full story.
Things definitely got better for me.
Not materially, sure - life still had some pretty gnarly ups and downs - but I was able to deal with everything better. I had a far better perspective on things. I let go of my old drama filled ways and learned not to sweat the small stuff.
It takes a lot of work, but life undeniably does gets better - none of us would be here if it didn't
D
I know what that means - unicorns are not gamboling on my front lawn either - but it's not the full story.
Things definitely got better for me.
Not materially, sure - life still had some pretty gnarly ups and downs - but I was able to deal with everything better. I had a far better perspective on things. I let go of my old drama filled ways and learned not to sweat the small stuff.
It takes a lot of work, but life undeniably does gets better - none of us would be here if it didn't
D
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