ACT10Npack

Did anyone here enjoy your addiction like getting high or getting drunk or it was always hell?

Dee74

I think we all enjoyed it to begin with, or we wouldn't have kept doing it.

It soured for me tho - first the consequences started to dwarf the enjoyment, then the enjoyment stopped altogether - but by that stage I couldn't give it up.

why do you ask?
D

Deserto

Well you can enjoy the feeling of free-falling from an airplane without a parachute -- and then you meet the ground.

I think most people would answer "yes -- and then no." To me the downward spiral of addiction is like that line from The Sun Also Rises where one of the characters is asked how he went bankrupt.

"Very slowly at first -- and then all at once."

I think we tell ourselves we still enjoy it long after we stop enjoying it. Yep, it can start out fun -- but watch out when that pendulum shifts!

ACT10Npack

Just trying to find out what other feel with their addiction.

least

Yes I liked it at first. A glass of wine relaxed me and I felt better. But it turned on me and became my worst enemy. If addiction started out with feeling bad I doubt that so many of us would have become addicted. It felt good, then it stopped feeling so good, then it just felt bad. At first I drank to feel good, then I drank to not feel anything at all...

Deserto

So yes, I enjoyed it for years and years. I thought being drunk was the best thing in the world. But then something shifted, and what felt like freedom felt like a prison. Now it usually depresses me.

I don't think alcohol in and of itself is a bad thing, though. Nothing changed with it. What changed was my reaction to it.

I do think it's hard to stop until you fully realize that you don't enjoy it anymore -- or that the enjoyment isn't worth it. That to me is what the "bottom" is, and why some people's bottom can be a first DUI or a disapproving look from a loved one, and for other people a bottom requires being homeless in the street or a bad diagnosis or fall.

It's progressive, and the further you progress, the further I think you get away from that initial feeling of enjoyment.

NewBeginning010

Its like a nice hot warm bath that feels great at first but then the temperature is turned up slowly bit by bit & you don't notice that you are actually getting burned right up to the point where it reaches boiling point & eventually death.

Now I just don't take take that first bath... errrr I mean drink ;-)

There are a lot of people that can have a quick dip (bath or drink) and easily finish/stop without a second thought. I am not one of those people.

All of the best in your recovery Action

Itchy

You bet! I even gaged my honey dew's and guy projects by the number of beers. "Jack, that should be a six pack job but let's get a 12 pack just in case" I'd say. It wasn't until the last ten years from age 48 to 58 that it started accelerating and getting bad. The last two years I retired from my position and stayed home and drank from morning to bedtime, and anytime I woke up would be a hot toddy moment. I was very ill every morning just from the sheer number of drinks I had the day before spaced out so I wasn't drunk or slurry just buzzed and happy and feeling "normal." See my buzz was getting elusive as my tolerance was sky high. For the last two years I drank I had to have scotch in my first coffee and hope to hold it down. Then several more to feel normal and to be able to get moving.

I quit and then we found I had developed a bad heart valve. A few more months or a year and I probably would have masked it and not been here now.

I liked it when it was voluntary, yes. Not when it was mandatory.

Deserto

least

Exactly!

LaFemme

My memories are all distorted by the end and I'm pretty happy about that.

I remember the first time I got drunk. I liked the lack of self consciousness. I thought bed spins were fun and that's pretty much what I remember. If you had asked my teenaged self I would have said it was fun and I enjoyed it. If you ask me today I would say I was delusional.

eJoshua

Of course I liked drinking when I started. Why would I have kept doing it otherwise?

CRAZE

Sure I has some genuinely good times when drinking, I was having a good time the night I had my last drink, all the way up until the time I ended up in jail. In the end the good times I thought I was having were not all that good and were out weighed by the bad times and the destruction I caused with my drinking and the poor decisions I made while drinking. Looking back now I see a lot wasted good times, resources, relationships and opportunities, because I had made alcohol such a central part of my life.

SomethingBetter

About 7pm after work sometimes I got so tiered, I mean really beat, a beer was majic, BOOM! what a rush, 7 more was the trick, a few more and Im good till 1 or 2 AM!

Next morning, crazy slow start, dragin through the day, worst hangover ever, about 7 pm I get so tierd, i mean really beat, 7 beers was like majic, BOOM, a few more and I'm good for the night, 2 or even 3 AM!

Next morning, worst hangover ever, eventualy the beer was the only highlight of my day and nessesary for any happiness, by 2 am I am self lothing, looking for an alcoholic community for help and sometimes crying, Why, Why do I need the booze ...

Now after 9 months with out booze I am winding down about 7 pm, in bed by 10, up and feeling great the next morning, BOOM! What a rush...

A couple of beers after work with the guys? Hell no, it would be great, actualy theres probably nothing better in this world, but no thanks, Ive been down that road!

ACT10Npack

I start to drink heavy in 2008 because I was really depress with life. Things were okay but I don't know I start to drink more. That time i could drink 6 beers and I was good. In 2009, I was drinking hard liquor and I could drink 750ml in a day. If I drink I drink beer only but I go throw 20 to 30 in a day. Now I go on for 4 to 6 days start like that much drinking and I don't stay home because I live with parents. I go out and do crazy things like hanging out with straighter and getting drunk.

It's no longer fun for me and my withdrawals are bad I can hold it out.

TJ88

Yes there were good times!! but the alcohol/drg stops working and I chase that feeling just getting in deeper and deeper. I am quitting I have to say good bye to the good feeling and the bad. x

betterlate

Would we have done it if it was "always hell"?

TracieKing

Um okay well duh of course we all love out addictions at one point, but it's bitersweet and I know I cant really control my urges these days and it's like a somewhat never ending hunt.

RV GTO

Sure, I loved the buzz I got from drinking, but the consequences quickly far outweighed any good feeling. In time, it grew into pure hell.

Some great responses so far.

gaffo

I have the tolerance of the drain in my kitchen sink and I always have. From day one I could drink until everyone else was puking and then drive everyone home, even talk to cops! No one avoids the hangover altogether but it never stopped me from going to work on time. It took me twenty six years and 46,000+ beers to realize that this was a curse.