elegiac

Hi my name is Alex. I'm a 20 year old recovering heroin addict. I got clean and sober back in April of this year, and after a long and difficult road that involved me moving to California to go through treatment and live in a sober living, I achieved seven months of sobriety. Recently, I relapsed on vicodin, wine and weed, which led to me using heroin during a visit back to Chicago. I'm now two weeks clean again and back in California, but many of my friends have lost some faith in me. I can't explain to them why I relapsed, as I myself do not really know. I wasn't in a bad state of mind, I suppose I simply wanted to feel heroin again. I'm in love with a girl that lives back in Chicago who is over seven months sober, and I'm unemployed and two weeks clean in California. I'm afraid that I may never be able to go home again, and I'm sick of living in fear. I've been going to twelve step meetings every day and am really integrated into the fellowship, but I decided to make an account here for an extra support system. I know that if you really want recovery, you can have it, but I'm worried that deep down I may not be doing it for the right reasons, even though I know that I don't want to live the way I was living for the past two and a half years, dependent on a chemical and only being able to think about one thing: getting high. Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and talk a bit about what's been going on in my life. Support, advice and loving confrontation are encouraged.

-Alex

Dee74

Hi Alex

Only you can really judge your reasons - I really encourage you to fan the heck out of that little spark in you that says you don't want to live the way you've been living for the past two and a half years, though

I know you'll find a lot of help and support here. We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in reading

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

elegiac

Thank you. I'm doing really well actually for two and a half weeks, it hasn't been as crazy this time as it was the first time. I feel motivated in a way by my relapse, just reminded me of how bat it was (and how much worse it can get.)

Ashley

Good luck to you this time around (: