Eliasson

I am so overwhelmed. Work, my sons illness, my lupus, financial problems and I just can't take it anymore. I want so badly to be able to "escape" for just a little while. What is happening to me? I have been getting better, many people (some who know nothing about my drinking) have commented on how much I've changed, how at peace and strong I am under all these circumstances. Where is that peace and strength now? A friend just left my home and as I was clearing her wine glass away I wanted so badly just to smell it. The thought even crossed my mind to just drink the last little sip left in her glass. The alcoholic voice is so strong tonight. I feel like I came dangerously close, like I am dangerously close. I want to just throw my hands up in the air and say forget it. I don't want to be strong anymore. I want someone else to be strong for me for awhile. It's just too much. I have been on the verge of tears all day. Please help

Pigtails

Can you take a bath, soak your feet, or do something else that's a relaxing time-out?

How about not having alcohol in your house, even for guests?

Just some suggetions. I understand the frustration. It's better to post here than to drink!

suki44883

You can get past it. This is called living life on life's terms. Just because we quit drinking doesn't mean that everything is going to go our way. Find something to do to occupy your mind for a while. Cravings don't last that long and you will feel so much better tomorrow if you do not drink tonight. You can do this.

aussieblue

Eliasson I am so sorry your going through this .You have more than your fair share to deal with but drinking wont make it better or make it go away it will still be there tomorrow and you will have a hangover to go with it. Prayers and strength being sent your way.

Tippingpoint

Well, I think the one thing you can do in situations like yours is to think it all the way through..think about how it's going to go...

Think about how you're going to feel...1 drink, 2 drinks, 3 drinks, 10 drinks?

Will it really be an escape or are you likely to get more sentimental/emotional as you get more inebriated?

How about the next day? What are you going to do then. Presumably, you'll feel horrible. The hangover is one thing but the shame and guilt is another entirely.

And most importantly think about how this little "escape" as your addiction likes to call it would allow you to deal with the problems in your life?

I don't see how any sane person can think it all the way through and decide that drinking makes any sort of rational sense.

CamilleBelle

Hang in there! I have no room to talk really, because I am not sober myself yet, Well, I am right now, but in general am not. I'm getting there, but I can tell you over the last month I have had more issues because of alcohol than I've had in years!! Nothing major, mostly family related and I think it's because I am coming to terms with the whole situation and for some reason that made my actions escalate. I am very envious of those of you who have some time under your belt with recovery. I hope everything works out for you!

MsJax

H Eliasson. I am so sorry you are going through all this Life can be exceedingly difficult. But I'll bet you know that drinking isn't the answer. It isn't an escape. And you would be letting yourself down. Stop. Visualize. Think. Write down a better way. Think of your accomplishments in Sobriety. You don't need alcohol in your home, not even for friends or family. Home is a safe zone from booze.

Best wishes to you Eliasson, my thoughts are with you

sugarbear1

You've come so far! If you drink, things will be much worse. Try to get in touch with your aa friends or to a meeting. Stay sober!

cuyootoo

Drinking won't help you escape, because when you sober up then you will be more depressed. Prayers and strength your way. Maybe you could make some special time for yourself to do something that you like? You don't have to drink, alcohol is a gross vile substance. Fudge Brownie Ice Cream is good though.

Marine28

Hi - is there something else you can do to distract yourself? That has helped me. Think about howvgoodvyou will feel in the morning if you don't drink!

InParticular

Yes eliasson compare the pride and relief you will feel tomorrow if you don't drink, to the shame, guilt and disappointment you will feel if you do. You are so much better equipped to deal with the issues in your life if you are sober. Drinking will make everything worse, you know that.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're feeling like things are getting on top of you again Eliasson.
I know it must be a very hard to handle situation for you right now.

The thing is tho there are ways to destress that won't come with their own problems, like drinking does...you've had some good advice here already about a hot bath, or choc/ice cream, a funny movie can help too...or meditation and relaxation exercises....there's plenty of free guided exercises on the net.

do you have people to talk to Eliasson? Friends or close family? maybe you can work out a way to give yourself a break every so often?

Whatever you do, drinking as an escape is futile....it's not an escape, it's a dead end.
You've alreadly gotten out of the dead end once - don't put yourself back in there...

D

SSIL75

It's OK to want to drink, Eliasson. It doesn't happen to me anymore but it used to and I'd mentally shrug and go "An alcoholic craving a drink. How novel". Just trying to pull that power away from the thought. It's just a thought.

Jenners

That is an awful lot of baggage you are carrying right now. I can totallly understand the inclination to alcohol. I do think life is easier to deal with when sober.

Eliasson

Thank you thank you. I swear all of you on this site are saving my sanity, my life really. It is so overwhelming right now, but you are right, a drink will only make things worse. I really appreciate your support and your words of wisdom. I am a big reader (when I have time), can anyone recommend any good recovery books ( besides the Big Book I already have that). It's so hard for me to get to ftf meetings but I think it would help me to immerse myself in recovery as much as possible. Thank you in advance for any suggestions!

Dee74

You might like Caroline Knapp's book Drinking:A Love Story Eliasson....it's a memoir but I found myself nodding a lot to the things she discovered about herself.

D

Jenners

I got so much from this book. It is actually the only self-account book on alcoholism I have read. There is a 7 day series in the Toronto Star this week (started Satursday) which grabbed me the same way this book did. Well Saturday and Sundays articles had me in tears. And I have been so emotional the last few days. I really feel I am accepting that I have a disease and need to treat it. It is such a relief and so terrifying. Not sure who I can talk to about it.

WritingFool

Eliasson - I am so sorry to hear that things are tough. I think immersing yourself in recovery is a great idea. It will give you something positive to focus on!

Dee74

Well, here's a start, Jenners

D

1undone

there is strength in numbers! Just posting here and "telling on yourself" will do wonders. some call it giving your problems to someone else to get out of your own head. I need to practice that more too! I hope you are feeling a bit more peace after all this support!