what's the point?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 29
what's the point?
Hi all,
So I was sober with on and off slips and now I'm just tired of being sober and don't really see what the point was for all my seriousness on it all, all the try hard to be sober. I just lost by ex bf of 4 years (not sure what he died from but my guess is accidental drug overdose) and I just am lost. And I'm thinking life is short so just go out and have fun. Obv i'm dealing with grief in odd ways but since the death i just think life is so so short or it can be. I don't want to torture myself with all the seriousness on soberity. And there is a side of me that is so depressed at the moment I don't care..I don't know i'm rambling, sorry. Dealing with a lot right now i guess.
So I was sober with on and off slips and now I'm just tired of being sober and don't really see what the point was for all my seriousness on it all, all the try hard to be sober. I just lost by ex bf of 4 years (not sure what he died from but my guess is accidental drug overdose) and I just am lost. And I'm thinking life is short so just go out and have fun. Obv i'm dealing with grief in odd ways but since the death i just think life is so so short or it can be. I don't want to torture myself with all the seriousness on soberity. And there is a side of me that is so depressed at the moment I don't care..I don't know i'm rambling, sorry. Dealing with a lot right now i guess.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Twin Cities MN
Posts: 83
Take care Chris 
The escape that chemicals offer us is so short-lived and have so may consequences, I must say that I just don't see the point in using.
I try my best to take a light-hearted approach to as much as I can - and dealing with grief is one of the most difficult things to handle - sober or not. I can't tell you what you should do or anything like that; I wouldn't feel right in doing so.
I want to just wish you the best and I hope that you have the strength to see this difficult period through with out losing control - whether you use or not.
I'm glad you're here on SR!
The escape that chemicals offer us is so short-lived and have so may consequences, I must say that I just don't see the point in using.
I try my best to take a light-hearted approach to as much as I can - and dealing with grief is one of the most difficult things to handle - sober or not. I can't tell you what you should do or anything like that; I wouldn't feel right in doing so.
I want to just wish you the best and I hope that you have the strength to see this difficult period through with out losing control - whether you use or not.
I'm glad you're here on SR!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by LittleChris 
Hi all,
I don't want to torture myself with all the seriousness on sobriety. .
I don't want to torture myself with all the seriousness on sobriety. .
Unfortunately when we are talking addiction, I was thinking about how I felt right now. Things were , however, progressive, I was digging myslef deeper in- that's serious
I hope you can find a way you are happy with
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm so sorry for your loss Chris.
Something like that is bound to be hard to deal with - have you thought of grief counselling, or maybe seeing someone about depression?
I used to think that too - but what happens when you drink to a point when it's not fun anymore - and that will happened, if it hasn't happened to you already.
Life is short, and it's precious Chris - don't waste it.
It's a damn tragedy that your bf may have died of an OD - don't let your sadness consume you too...
Reach out and get some help
D
Something like that is bound to be hard to deal with - have you thought of grief counselling, or maybe seeing someone about depression?
And I'm thinking life is short so just go out and have fun.
Life is short, and it's precious Chris - don't waste it.
It's a damn tragedy that your bf may have died of an OD - don't let your sadness consume you too...
Reach out and get some help
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 15
I have no idea Chris, but then again my hands and feet are mangoes atm and never tried sobriety before. I've been trying real hard this past month though...
I hope that I can find peace though, and if I ever get a hold of this maybe I can find something to care about besides drugs and self destruction.
If I were sober off and on I'd be way more dignified than I am now. I admire you
goodluck
I hope that I can find peace though, and if I ever get a hold of this maybe I can find something to care about besides drugs and self destruction.
If I were sober off and on I'd be way more dignified than I am now. I admire you
goodluck
Non-Zoroastrian
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Great State of Mitten
Posts: 183
Bummer... hate to say it though, get over it and get on with YOUR life. You are not responsible for anyone but you ultimately. Get help, go to therapy, do whatever it is you have to do to get your life back. I've found that in order for me to get better, I've had to become I'm sure what other would perceive as one of the most selfish people they know, and if it keeps me alive and gets me healthy, then so be it. Do what is right for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 46
Sorry for your loss. You are right, life is short. Using, however, only serves to shorten it further. There are years that I have lost, and while I may have felt like I was having fun, the pain, worry and fear I felt daily was anything but. Addiction is like a job, only you pay to work there. There is no time off, no vacation and your "boss" will call you at any time, night or day. Losing someone you love is hard, the best thing you can do to honor their memory is to live. REALLY live. You know in your heart that the last thing he would want is for you to meet the same end that he did. He is free from his addiction, now is a great time for you to decide to be free too. Good luck.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
A couple thoughts.
I don't equate sobriety with seriousness. It is hard at times, but so was using. If using is still fun for you, and it's not eating your life away, then why quit at all?
Maybe you don't want to end up like your friend, so desperate for a fix that he died trying. That's not sounding like fun to me, but everyone gets their kicks in different ways.
Sobriety has that awkward stage when we have stopped using but haven't figured out how to start living. Using was our default setting, so it SEEMS easier to just slip back into it, but in the long run it's not easier. A few new skill sets equip us for a longer life of more fun than dieing from an OD (I tried that this summer, it was neither fun nor romantic, what a disappointment)
You've realized life is short, so why not make it the best it can be, the funnest, with the most opportunities, and maybe a few more years than your buddy got.
I have days I feel just like you do. Then I remember how many times I told myself, no point, I'm gonna use, and very quickly felt like HE** and was saying "why are you doing this to yourself again!!!???"
There isn't enough drugs, booze, sex, etc etc etc in this world to make me feel truly good deep down inside. I start using and I just feel like a pathetic failure dragging myself through a sham of a life. When I am living recovery I am living success every day and am building pride and confidence.
Or, you could bounce along like I did and end up pathetic, I mean middle aged, crawling across a floor, tears and snot dripping from my nose, unable to stand, talk...it just is NOT fun.
Dying of an OD is one way to put an end to using, but then you don't get to enjoy the benefits.
Truly, I think part of your issue might be not having sober friends and community. If all your buds use, sobriety can seem very boring. Make some new friends who are doing things other than using, and let them help you find a point.
I don't equate sobriety with seriousness. It is hard at times, but so was using. If using is still fun for you, and it's not eating your life away, then why quit at all?
Maybe you don't want to end up like your friend, so desperate for a fix that he died trying. That's not sounding like fun to me, but everyone gets their kicks in different ways.
Sobriety has that awkward stage when we have stopped using but haven't figured out how to start living. Using was our default setting, so it SEEMS easier to just slip back into it, but in the long run it's not easier. A few new skill sets equip us for a longer life of more fun than dieing from an OD (I tried that this summer, it was neither fun nor romantic, what a disappointment)
You've realized life is short, so why not make it the best it can be, the funnest, with the most opportunities, and maybe a few more years than your buddy got.
I have days I feel just like you do. Then I remember how many times I told myself, no point, I'm gonna use, and very quickly felt like HE** and was saying "why are you doing this to yourself again!!!???"
There isn't enough drugs, booze, sex, etc etc etc in this world to make me feel truly good deep down inside. I start using and I just feel like a pathetic failure dragging myself through a sham of a life. When I am living recovery I am living success every day and am building pride and confidence.
Or, you could bounce along like I did and end up pathetic, I mean middle aged, crawling across a floor, tears and snot dripping from my nose, unable to stand, talk...it just is NOT fun.
Dying of an OD is one way to put an end to using, but then you don't get to enjoy the benefits.
Truly, I think part of your issue might be not having sober friends and community. If all your buds use, sobriety can seem very boring. Make some new friends who are doing things other than using, and let them help you find a point.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
The point of staying sober, for me, starts with waking up each day and NOT being sick as hell, hating myself, and wishing I were dead.
My life isn't all rainbows and lollipops but it sure is better than it was when I was drinking.
Mostly tho it's that I don't hate myself anymore. I have bouts of bad depression and feel down sometimes, but no longer wish I were dead and consider myself to be worthless. Drinking made me feel like a loser... and then I'd drink cause I was feeling like a loser... over and over... that's no way to live.
So my point to staying sober is just that I don't wish my life were over, in fact it feels like it's just beginning. (minus the potty training and 12 yrs of school
)
My life isn't all rainbows and lollipops but it sure is better than it was when I was drinking. Mostly tho it's that I don't hate myself anymore. I have bouts of bad depression and feel down sometimes, but no longer wish I were dead and consider myself to be worthless. Drinking made me feel like a loser... and then I'd drink cause I was feeling like a loser... over and over... that's no way to live.
So my point to staying sober is just that I don't wish my life were over, in fact it feels like it's just beginning.
(minus the potty training and 12 yrs of school)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Randolph NJ
Posts: 70
It doesn't sound by your post that you are having much "fun" by using. Actually I can say that a lot of times I did have fun when I was using, but it was the aftermath that was not fun. The self destruction, hurting others around me, sick mess that I became from using was the "not fun" part.
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