Old timers, what was the number one thing you did to stay sober?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 226
Old timers, what was the number one thing you did to stay sober?
Ok, so I am back on day two now after relapsing and have been trying to think about what I can do different this time around. I have already signed up for an outpatient rehab that I will start in a week. I keep stacking up like 2 months and failing. I know there is something out there that I can work on that will push me over the edge.
From people that have some real sober time, like a year plus, what did you do that you feel really put you over the edge from trying to quit to actually "getting" it? I'm just curious and need ideas. Hopefully, I will get some at rehab. I refuse to give up on this because I just can't take this alcoholic lifestyle anymore.
From people that have some real sober time, like a year plus, what did you do that you feel really put you over the edge from trying to quit to actually "getting" it? I'm just curious and need ideas. Hopefully, I will get some at rehab. I refuse to give up on this because I just can't take this alcoholic lifestyle anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 226
Ya, I kind of think I am going to have to go the f2f support group right now even though I loathe the thought. That's why I am kind of excited about the rehab thing is that I am forced to the meeting etc for awhile so I can't skirt going to meetings. Also, hopefully I am not a big enough crotch that I'll meet some people there I can go to meetings and call after I leave.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 221
Face to Face recovery has worked for me as well. It's like touching base; "safe for now." I also find it very comforting that these other folks in recovery understand the plight of the alcoholic. I can't tell most of the people closest to me some things that trouble me, since they would look at me like I am insane! ("Why can't you just not drink?")
In person sharing things that are causing distress seems to take the power from the trouble in that at least it's not a secret. Sharing and receiving experience on how to cope. Hearing another persons experience or insight, from the context of alcoholic recovery has been, for me, a tremendous advantage than going it alone.
I forgot to mention that taking up a very difficult but rewarding pursuit has helped me a great deal. I played guitar casually for a long time. In sobriety I decided to advance this skill much further than I even though I was capable. I am learning to read music now, and learning to play Jazz, which can be incredibly difficult, frustrating and beautiful! It keeps my mind in the spiritual, even when I am struggling with a new scale or inversion progression. For me, nothing else gets me through a Friday night of cravings as easily as a few hours of playing music. And the best part, is all that work I get to KEEP!
In person sharing things that are causing distress seems to take the power from the trouble in that at least it's not a secret. Sharing and receiving experience on how to cope. Hearing another persons experience or insight, from the context of alcoholic recovery has been, for me, a tremendous advantage than going it alone.
I forgot to mention that taking up a very difficult but rewarding pursuit has helped me a great deal. I played guitar casually for a long time. In sobriety I decided to advance this skill much further than I even though I was capable. I am learning to read music now, and learning to play Jazz, which can be incredibly difficult, frustrating and beautiful! It keeps my mind in the spiritual, even when I am struggling with a new scale or inversion progression. For me, nothing else gets me through a Friday night of cravings as easily as a few hours of playing music. And the best part, is all that work I get to KEEP!
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
For me it was realizing that I was much much happier sober and that all the good things I believed about alcohol were a lie. My 'alcoholic voice' (AVRT).
A cheesy but accurate analogy is that when I was drinking I was facing a wall. And when I 'got it' I turned around and saw the amazing place I lived in. Once I 'got it'.. there was no turning back.
I have discovered some really wonderful things in real life.
I wish I could credit whoever I heard this from... but it's something like 'actions change your mind more than your mind changes your actions'. In my 'dry' periods before nothing really changed. But this time I DO things. Every time I felt anxious, frustrated, unhappy,craving.. whatever. I DID SOMETHING. I walked, I drank coffee, I read etc. Sitting there, discontent and seething was a hallmark of my alcoholism. In the early months I thought all the time "this is ridiculous. what would a normal person do??"
and then I did it
A cheesy but accurate analogy is that when I was drinking I was facing a wall. And when I 'got it' I turned around and saw the amazing place I lived in. Once I 'got it'.. there was no turning back.
I have discovered some really wonderful things in real life.
I wish I could credit whoever I heard this from... but it's something like 'actions change your mind more than your mind changes your actions'. In my 'dry' periods before nothing really changed. But this time I DO things. Every time I felt anxious, frustrated, unhappy,craving.. whatever. I DID SOMETHING. I walked, I drank coffee, I read etc. Sitting there, discontent and seething was a hallmark of my alcoholism. In the early months I thought all the time "this is ridiculous. what would a normal person do??"
and then I did it
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Old timers, what was the number one thing you did to stay sober?
I hate to sound like a wise guy but really - there it is.
Simple sure but I know it's not easy.
That's why I encourage everyone to do whatever positive things they can to stay sober - and find support - whether it's face to face support from recovery groups, or counselling, or inpatient or outpatient rehab, exercise and meditation.
The first 90 days were rough for me, but I got through them with support.
After a period of not drinking, my perceptions changed, the cravings subsided - and then I could start on the real work - working on me and my life
stick with it UofI
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
During my last go round in sobriety I was sober but still miserable at around three months. I started practicing gratitude every day, giving thanks for the blessings all around me. It helped so much I can't express it in words. I just started to be grateful for so many things, even the little things, and being grateful took away my desire to drink. I'd been struggling with cravings/desires to drink, even tho I liked being sober. Once I started to practice gratitude that went away - I lost the urge to drink!
I just started to be grateful for so many things, even the little things, and being grateful took away my desire to drink. I'd been struggling with cravings/desires to drink, even tho I liked being sober. Once I started to practice gratitude that went away - I lost the urge to drink! 
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Don't drink.
I hate to sound like a wise guy but really - there it is.
Simple sure but I know it's not easy.
I hate to sound like a wise guy but really - there it is.
Simple sure but I know it's not easy.
Always, Never & Forever
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 313
No, I'm not an old timer but that doesn't mean I'm dumb either. I think I actually asked this same question on the site a long time ago. After a year and a half of "8 months sober, then drinking, then relapsing a few times in one month," I'm starting to latch on to the reality of addiction recovery.
This is from SMART and is very, very good advice:
Scientific research showing people who have recovered successfully (regardless of the method used) all have "THREE THINGS" in common:
A COMMITMENT TO SOBRIETY;
A CHANGE IN LIFESTYLE; and they (for me this means, filling my alone/free time with healthy activities like the gym, reading and hopefully one day, volunteering and meeting new people)
PREPARE AND PLAN FOR URGES.
This is from SMART and is very, very good advice:
Scientific research showing people who have recovered successfully (regardless of the method used) all have "THREE THINGS" in common:
A COMMITMENT TO SOBRIETY;
A CHANGE IN LIFESTYLE; and they (for me this means, filling my alone/free time with healthy activities like the gym, reading and hopefully one day, volunteering and meeting new people)
PREPARE AND PLAN FOR URGES.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Yea, like Dee said, just don't drink...
I was working the steps, particularly the 4th and fifth, and a lot of the shame, guilt and other less than helpful feelings were put into perspective. I also was able to settle down and learn how to stay in the day and not project negatively into the future. I made sure I continued to ride my bicycle, ski, hunt and fish.. Stuff that always brought me joy.
One of the most reliable methods is to help others, service work, anything to get out of self.
I was working the steps, particularly the 4th and fifth, and a lot of the shame, guilt and other less than helpful feelings were put into perspective. I also was able to settle down and learn how to stay in the day and not project negatively into the future. I made sure I continued to ride my bicycle, ski, hunt and fish.. Stuff that always brought me joy.
One of the most reliable methods is to help others, service work, anything to get out of self.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
My life was in such turmoil that all I had to do was look back at the mess I'd made & that kept me from picking up. I terrified myself by drinking & driving, spending a few days in jail, ruining relationships, my health - the list goes on. I'd already tried the controlling it thing & I knew if it hadn't worked in 30 yrs. it was not likely to ever work - no matter how much willpower I thought I had. That's all it took this last time - remembering where I'd come from and vowing to never go back to hell.
Idiot!
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 556
It was accepting 100% that I was alcoholic and that no matter what system of attempting to control my drinking I came up with, I would always end up back in the same place again. I must have stopped and started over a hundred times in the preceeding 15 years always with the same result. When I finally got it into my head that it would never change I could start to get well again. And from then till now it has been a day at a time.
Two simple things but it is what has made the difference this time.
I wish you well.
Stu.
Two simple things but it is what has made the difference this time.
I wish you well.
Stu.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by UofI2008
... what did you do that you feel really put you over the edge from trying to quit to actually "getting" it?
Eventually though, more was needed for me to "get it" and stay sober beyond not drinking, and that meant changing my pysche from a drunken state of being alcoholic into a new sober place of living honestly and truly with myself. Being well and happy within my own skin. Being true to myself with a higher power in my sober life.
Living a sober spiritual life is a choice made. I didn't know that in early sobriety. I had thought spirituality just happened somehow whether I wanted it or not. I discovered it required my choosing to seek out my own understanding of a higher power and along with that, it also required my surrender to that understanding as an alcoholic, and not just as an anybody or a nobody. My personal surrender. Give up the fight. Change it up.
So what keeps me sober today is all the same as many years ago. Don't drink, live a spiritual life of my own understanding, be true and honest with myself, do a program of recovery, therapy, fellowship with alcoholics.
Gratitude. Forgiveness. Happiness. Keep changing it up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I never considered myself as an "old-timer"
but I guess I am even if no one has ever
called me one.
As someone who has been sober for 21yrs.
and is in my early 50's, i suppose thats older
than 30 yrs old when I got sober back in
8-11-90.
As an "old-timer" who is young at
heart and mind, got my motorcycle
endorsement and first tattoos at
50, Im also responsible in my recovery
program.
There is a sign I see at f2f meetings
that reads "Im Responsible..."
which means that's me today. Responsible
to share my own ESH with others
who are newcomers, old-timers and
merely suiting up and showing up to
allow others to see for themselves
that not only am I still sober, but
that recovery works in my life.
but I guess I am even if no one has ever
called me one.
As someone who has been sober for 21yrs.
and is in my early 50's, i suppose thats older
than 30 yrs old when I got sober back in
8-11-90.
As an "old-timer" who is young at
heart and mind, got my motorcycle
endorsement and first tattoos at
50, Im also responsible in my recovery
program.
There is a sign I see at f2f meetings
that reads "Im Responsible..."
which means that's me today. Responsible
to share my own ESH with others
who are newcomers, old-timers and
merely suiting up and showing up to
allow others to see for themselves
that not only am I still sober, but
that recovery works in my life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
Most importantly, zero tolerance. No matter what, don't use or drink.
As you start to accumulate some time sober, what happens is the challenge of staying clean on a day-to-day basis starts becoming significantly easier, and actually finding peace, serenity, and balance in your everyday life becomes the new priority. Relapse is still a threat--and always will be-- but now the challenge starts shifting away from simply abstinence and towards achieving something greater with your life. Once you get a taste of this and continue adding up time, getting further way from active addition, the chance of relapse is really pretty small. The motivation to drink/use is just totally gone, and even if the urge comes back on occasion, it's much weaker, and it becomes an automatic, learned behavior to brush it off and move on.
As you start to accumulate some time sober, what happens is the challenge of staying clean on a day-to-day basis starts becoming significantly easier, and actually finding peace, serenity, and balance in your everyday life becomes the new priority. Relapse is still a threat--and always will be-- but now the challenge starts shifting away from simply abstinence and towards achieving something greater with your life. Once you get a taste of this and continue adding up time, getting further way from active addition, the chance of relapse is really pretty small. The motivation to drink/use is just totally gone, and even if the urge comes back on occasion, it's much weaker, and it becomes an automatic, learned behavior to brush it off and move on.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I had failed numerous times and I know exactly what it was that made it work for me.
I was full of self-pity and isolated at the end of my drinking days. I want to call it Divine Intervention, but whatever it was, I found a Volunteer position in my first week sober and it changed my life. I started working at a Women's Drop-In Centre a few days a week and my self-pity evaporated almost immediately. I was spending time with amazing women who were living on the street or living in poverty and they had almost nothing. But they always greeted me with a smile and were grateful for what we could offer them. It was the most humbling experience of my life.
Get outside of yourself and do something for someone else. It will change your life.
I was full of self-pity and isolated at the end of my drinking days. I want to call it Divine Intervention, but whatever it was, I found a Volunteer position in my first week sober and it changed my life. I started working at a Women's Drop-In Centre a few days a week and my self-pity evaporated almost immediately. I was spending time with amazing women who were living on the street or living in poverty and they had almost nothing. But they always greeted me with a smile and were grateful for what we could offer them. It was the most humbling experience of my life.
Get outside of yourself and do something for someone else. It will change your life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
