Being Sober at a Bar?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Hello!! Wow...There is a huge load of great advice in this post. Loved reading it all!
So, first and for most everyone has their limits, and no one here or anywhere know them except you. Also something to take note, a lot of times we think we truly know our limits, but are completely wrong lol. With that said Ill tell you a little about me, and how it relates to your post.
I just hit the 6 month sober mark about 2 weeks ago. I too was in your shoes a few months ago. At around 2 months sober I felt I could be around alcohol NO PROBLEM! I was done with that stuff! I felt great, and was so proud of my sobriety! That was so set in my mind being around alcohol wouldn't phase that feeling. I was sober and HIGH ON LIFE!
Let me back up a little bit now. About 2 months before I got sober, I booked a flight to Colorado to meet up with a good friend of mine. Her and I were to meet in Denver, and then drive out to meet up with a bunch of other people. All these people I had not scene in over 3 years. Old party friend of mine. But see the thing is, I planned and paid for this all BEFORE I got sober. I had no intentions on getting sober when I planned this trip.
So anyways back to after I got sober. I was 2 months sober and this trip was supposed to happen in 2 weeks. Well I came her for advice. I got a lot of mixed advice, but the main tone of everyone was DONT GO! YOUR NOT READY! Well...I did not like this advice at all hahahaha. Here I felt on top of the world, and sober as can be! Why shouldn't I go? I mean I paid for the trip!? I don't want to waste my money! And more importantly, I didn't want to disappoint all my old friends by NOT showing up.
So I sat on for a week. I sat, and sat, and sat. Battling with myself on what to do. I was very concerned about breaking the news to all those people. That I couldn't make it. A lot of them didn't even know I had gotten sober yet! But after much personal debate, I knew I couldn't go. After all, the whole trip would be around people whom I have a big party past with. While I'm sure they would respect my choice to not drink, I just knew deep down it wouldn't be a healthy environment for me to be in. So I called my friends up and broke the news, and you know what I found out. Every single one of them completely understood. EVERY SINGLE ONE! There was no "awwwww man come on's" no "Damn you suck", none of that. All I got was, "Ryan, were proud of you, and completely understand. Take care of yourself first, and when your ready come pay us a visit." That was such a relief to here!!
So Im getting a little side tracked. But that's kinda my point. As much as I thought it would have been ok for me be around alcohol it wasn't. And I sure didn't like people telling me that either!! Because like I said before, I felt I could handle it. But looking back now only just a few more months sober since then, I know there was no way I would have stayed sober. That 3-6 month period of being sober taught me a lot, and I'm not even a AA goer. Heck, I still have lots more to learn about living sober in a drinking world.
Today, I am just NOW getting out and about in situations where alcohol is involved. I am slowly creeping back in places where I know alcohol will be present. I am a firm believer in the worlds not going to change just because I'm sober, but rather I need to learn to live in that world. Hell no its not easy! But I'm slowly getting it, and you will too.
But I can tell you this! Just about a month ago or so I was in my first situations where I had no eyes on me. I went to a old friends house where he was drinking. Beers were sitting around. I could have easily picked one up and drank it. But of course I didn't. And when I say no eyes situation, I mean if I had a drink no one would think bad of me. It was a very weird feeling. Theres no way I would have put myself in that type of situation 3-4 months ago (hahaha I actually almost did on that trip).
So one again...You are the only one who knows your limits. But realize what you think you MAY know about yourself, might not be what is actually true.
Stay strong my friend! And if you actually read this essay I wrote, take it for what it is, just my version of a little advice
Stay strong my friend!!!
-Ryan
So, first and for most everyone has their limits, and no one here or anywhere know them except you. Also something to take note, a lot of times we think we truly know our limits, but are completely wrong lol. With that said Ill tell you a little about me, and how it relates to your post.
I just hit the 6 month sober mark about 2 weeks ago. I too was in your shoes a few months ago. At around 2 months sober I felt I could be around alcohol NO PROBLEM! I was done with that stuff! I felt great, and was so proud of my sobriety! That was so set in my mind being around alcohol wouldn't phase that feeling. I was sober and HIGH ON LIFE!
Let me back up a little bit now. About 2 months before I got sober, I booked a flight to Colorado to meet up with a good friend of mine. Her and I were to meet in Denver, and then drive out to meet up with a bunch of other people. All these people I had not scene in over 3 years. Old party friend of mine. But see the thing is, I planned and paid for this all BEFORE I got sober. I had no intentions on getting sober when I planned this trip.
So anyways back to after I got sober. I was 2 months sober and this trip was supposed to happen in 2 weeks. Well I came her for advice. I got a lot of mixed advice, but the main tone of everyone was DONT GO! YOUR NOT READY! Well...I did not like this advice at all hahahaha. Here I felt on top of the world, and sober as can be! Why shouldn't I go? I mean I paid for the trip!? I don't want to waste my money! And more importantly, I didn't want to disappoint all my old friends by NOT showing up.
So I sat on for a week. I sat, and sat, and sat. Battling with myself on what to do. I was very concerned about breaking the news to all those people. That I couldn't make it. A lot of them didn't even know I had gotten sober yet! But after much personal debate, I knew I couldn't go. After all, the whole trip would be around people whom I have a big party past with. While I'm sure they would respect my choice to not drink, I just knew deep down it wouldn't be a healthy environment for me to be in. So I called my friends up and broke the news, and you know what I found out. Every single one of them completely understood. EVERY SINGLE ONE! There was no "awwwww man come on's" no "Damn you suck", none of that. All I got was, "Ryan, were proud of you, and completely understand. Take care of yourself first, and when your ready come pay us a visit." That was such a relief to here!!
So Im getting a little side tracked. But that's kinda my point. As much as I thought it would have been ok for me be around alcohol it wasn't. And I sure didn't like people telling me that either!! Because like I said before, I felt I could handle it. But looking back now only just a few more months sober since then, I know there was no way I would have stayed sober. That 3-6 month period of being sober taught me a lot, and I'm not even a AA goer. Heck, I still have lots more to learn about living sober in a drinking world.
Today, I am just NOW getting out and about in situations where alcohol is involved. I am slowly creeping back in places where I know alcohol will be present. I am a firm believer in the worlds not going to change just because I'm sober, but rather I need to learn to live in that world. Hell no its not easy! But I'm slowly getting it, and you will too.
But I can tell you this! Just about a month ago or so I was in my first situations where I had no eyes on me. I went to a old friends house where he was drinking. Beers were sitting around. I could have easily picked one up and drank it. But of course I didn't. And when I say no eyes situation, I mean if I had a drink no one would think bad of me. It was a very weird feeling. Theres no way I would have put myself in that type of situation 3-4 months ago (hahaha I actually almost did on that trip).
So one again...You are the only one who knows your limits. But realize what you think you MAY know about yourself, might not be what is actually true.
Stay strong my friend! And if you actually read this essay I wrote, take it for what it is, just my version of a little advice
Stay strong my friend!!!
-Ryan
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Oh yeah. lol. About the bar. I just find no reason to even be in one. Quite frankly, I dont even find it appealing. Drunk peiple annoy the **** out of me these days. Especially the loud and outspoken types. ...I sometimes wonder how people could stand to be around me while I was drinking.
As for your boyfriend, well I believe he is right. Hes only getting upset because he cares for you, and your hurting him as well going to bar. Im sure its all out of love. You can even maybe turn the tables a little. If he was a recovering sex addict, and all his friends hung out at strip clubs, so thats where he "had" to go for fun. Would you be ok with that?
-Ryan
As for your boyfriend, well I believe he is right. Hes only getting upset because he cares for you, and your hurting him as well going to bar. Im sure its all out of love. You can even maybe turn the tables a little. If he was a recovering sex addict, and all his friends hung out at strip clubs, so thats where he "had" to go for fun. Would you be ok with that?
-Ryan
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
You know what I'm going to do different this time around (Day Three this round)?
I'm not going to go to bars and "not drink." Normies can go to bars and not drink. Maybe some alcoholics can some time, but not to hang out with drinking friends.
I do think that, "Ha, I'm here and not drinking attitude" is deceptive. Don't trust it.
After eight or ten failed attempts this year, this is the one, critical change I am making this time around.
Off to bed--sober--having said no to our usual Tuesday trip to the tavern in town for tacos.
I'm not going to go to bars and "not drink." Normies can go to bars and not drink. Maybe some alcoholics can some time, but not to hang out with drinking friends.
I do think that, "Ha, I'm here and not drinking attitude" is deceptive. Don't trust it.
After eight or ten failed attempts this year, this is the one, critical change I am making this time around.
Off to bed--sober--having said no to our usual Tuesday trip to the tavern in town for tacos.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
He got angry at me over the weekend because I went to the bar with some of my friends but i did not drink. I had a good time and was proud of myself for not drinking. He made me feel like I made a bad choice
He just says it doesnt matter that I went to a bar and didnt drink, its the fact that I'm tricking myself into thinking I am in control.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 122
Lot of good advice in this thread, but for me personally, I live next door to an off licence, there is a 24 hour garage within 5 minutes of my flat. I can't and don't stay sober by avoiding alcohol. I've been going into places that serve it for the majority of my (five months of) sobriety and it doesn't seem to be a problem for me.
I tend to ask friends if we can go to places where drinking is less of a central concern - nicer places that cater more for families or are more focused on meals than drinkers.
Non-alcoholics like bars and they like to be able to have a few drinks. This isn't ever going to change, nor should it, and I am far more afraid of isolation as a trigger for relapse than seeing a bottle.
But everyone is different and we all know deep down what is good for us and what isn't.
I tend to ask friends if we can go to places where drinking is less of a central concern - nicer places that cater more for families or are more focused on meals than drinkers.
Non-alcoholics like bars and they like to be able to have a few drinks. This isn't ever going to change, nor should it, and I am far more afraid of isolation as a trigger for relapse than seeing a bottle.
But everyone is different and we all know deep down what is good for us and what isn't.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
