mattparadise

I'm just two days away from hitting my 5 months sober mark and proud of it. Since my month in rehab ending 7.11.11 I've heard of many of my fellow rehab goers having some slips along the way (some major). I've called them on the phone and seen them in public. Each time they say "we should hit up a meeting some time"...

Now... I havn't attended an AA meeting since 7.14.11 and I have little desire to ever return to one. I sold my AA books on amazon and got on with my life only days after leaving my month long recovery. I'm not really sure what to say during any of these awkward encounters. My old sponser said that I'm now just a dry drunk otherwise I couldn't have possibly lasted so long without the Big Book or AA Meetings.

I'd like to hear from anyone in a similar situation. I'm all for going to AA meetins if it works for you. I can see it's not the path for me.

Bikeguy

I'm not an AA either, my opinion is use whatever works for YOU. If your happier and sober then you must be doing something right.

SSIL75

I think I have been a 'dry drunk' before.. in pregnancy. When I wasn't drinking but was miserable about it.

I am sober now though and am very happy. I have never been to an AA meeting.

zxcirce

hey matt
if you don't dig AA, you don't dig AA. it's nothing to feel awkward or ashamed about, though those in AA might believe otherwise---i think it's just because it works for THEM,so they dont quite get how it doesn't work for YOU. i think it comes from a good place so that's how i try to see it. I also don't go to meetings especially with those i was in treatment with. i have kind of removed myself from newly recovering people in my "real life" not so much online, because its too easy to get dragged down into someone elses issues.

i say "im not doing meetings" and to heck with any judgment i come across. those in the program will understand if they are really doing the work---to work their own program and let me work mine. if i get the evil eye so be it. im not going to let it get to me.

Anna

Anyone who pronounces you a 'dry drunk' deserves a considerable amount of skepticism.

I am not a dry drunk, never have been, and I have never been to AA.

However, years later, I still work on my recovery every day. It's incorporated into my daily routine - exercise, meditating, quiet time with myself, that kind of thing.

You should do whatever works for you and there is always lots of support here.

SASA

I am 9 month in now and have not attended AA. I am happy with my life as is and I am not planing on going to AA. You should do whatever works for you. Please do not listen to noise, only your voice counts. It is your life.

least

I disagree totally with this opinion, and that's what it is: an opinion! I'd say if you're happily sober and doing well in living your life, you're doing fine. Don't listen to anyone spouting such hardass dogma. I'm almost two years sober now without AA and I'm most certainly not a 'dry drunk'.

TheTinMan

I think the term "dry drunk" is thrown around way too much. I had someone here recently send me info on the dry drunk syndrome so I could grasp a little better what to look for.

I'd agree with Least on this one. If you are happy with your recovery then keep on keeping on.

And I attend AA meetings. At first I thought it was the only way. Well, it is the only way for me. But you will find many people on here that use different programs.

Congrats on your sobriety time!

sugarbear1

Awesome! Not everyone needs AA. Go Forth and Conquer!!!

eJoshua

Personally, I didn't care for anyone questioning my addiction while I was drinking and I don't care for anyone questioning my recovery. You must do what's healthy for you, and it sounds like you have a perfectly reasonable view.

Best wishes.

onlythetruth

I'm so glad to see that there are folks speaking out against the idea that AA is the only way. This shows me that the times, they are a-changin', and nothing could make me happier. I'm part of the cohort who quit drinking during the days when the common wisdom was that AA was absolutely necessary; that if you didn't use that approach you'd inevitably fail; and that if you somehow managed to quit drinking without AA you weren't really sober, you were a dry drunk. Those notions were dangerous, hurtful and in some cases led to terrible abuse. It is good that they are fading.

Of course, these ideas aren't dead yet. Change takes time--even here at SR, which is open to all recovery approaches, the 12 steps appeared on all pages of the the forum until very recently. But it's safe to say that the tide has turned.

Thank God.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Matt

You'll find a lot of different ideas and approaches at play here - a lot of successes too
Good to have you with us.

D

EricL

Do what works. AA has no opinion on that, and AA literature is very clear about not having a monopoly on the solution.

AA MEMBERS however... you know what they about opinions and a$$holes...

I've been a long time member of AA who has found an amazing life here. I have many friends who went in opposite directions and to the best of my knowledge are equally as happy with the results.

Don't sweat what other people say, its not their life.

mattparadise

Thanks for the input on that Eric. I think you are right on target with your message. I've seen AA do some real good for some, but I've also met my share of a$$holes too. Naturally, I would not discourage anyone from going to AA especially if it works well for them.

I'm considering going back to my "Rehab" location for lunch this week seeing as how return visits are encouraged (for lunch/dinner/meetings/updates) and I'd like to see some of the familiar faces of the staff. However, I really don't know what I'd say.

Heavy emphasis was placed on going to a meeting within 24 hours, moving to a sober house, getting a sponsor, working the steps and reading the big book.

cuyootoo

to me being a dry drunk means a person stopped drinking but they aren't doing anything to grow spiritually or morally, so if a person stopped drinking but still continued that affair or kept on stealing and lying then I would characterize them a dry drunk, other than that I think you could take or leave AA... it sounds like you might be involved with a negative person though if they called you a dry drunk to your face

mattparadise

Not to my face, but over the phone. He wasn't the best sponsor that was for sure and I sure wasn't the best sponsee either.

cuyootoo

Well, that makes it okay if he insulted you on the phone, just as long as it wasn't to your face. Just kidding... Your sponsor shouldn't be insulting you at all! He should be encouraging you. He probably just had aa drilled into his head so much that he has no self esteem left without the organization of aa.

Dee74

AA is not the only way. We've established that.

I think we'd be better served looking at the positive ways we can recover - I'd hate this thread to get mired and turn into another negative 'AA sucks' thread.

Apart from perhaps some venting value, I can't see that really does anyone any good.

D

wpainterw

O.K. I guess in some folk's eyes I've been a "dry drunk" now for 23 years. From my own experience this is what my "dry drunk" life has been like. First, I haven't had a drink or drug (except for those prescribed by my doctor) for 23 years. I used to attend lots of AA meetings and some of them, particularly those for agnostics (although I don't qualify in those terms) were particularly helpful. But I don't go to many AA meetings now. I've never had a "sponsor". I've never "sponsored" anyone. I don't get up every morning and say, "Gee I hope I make it through one more day! One day at a time!" Drinking never occurs to me. Right now I have a bunch of whisky, vodka and gin bottles in my kitchen closet for people who may come over now and then for cocktails. I can mix them a martini or scotch as long as I don't smell the booze. I work a "program" of sorts, which is thinking quite a bit about what alcoholism is and the various ways of dealing with it. Sometimes I share my views with others with the hope that they might find something interesting or helpful or that I might learn something.
I think I may have matured quite a bit in all those 23 years. I'm sure I've been able to handle stuff which I never could have handled if I'd been drinking. I've had a heart bypass operation, cataract surgery, high blood pressure and recently became the proud possessor of hearing aids. I'm on my fifth dog.
So if that's what being a "dry drunk" is like that's fine with me. Although the AA folks like to say, "It works if you work it" I'd rather say, "If it (whatever that may be) works for you, then go ahead and work it" And good luck.

W.

susanlauren

Matt, If what you are doing works for you, great. If it stops working for you, then find a different approach. If you don't like AA, try something else. There are plenty of recovery programs available. If you can not drink on your own, then you probably don't need AA or any other program for that matter. Live and enjoy your life. Susan Lauren