52 days clean, does it really matter
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: sunbury ohio
Posts: 11
52 days clean, does it really matter
im 52 days clean and i cant get the thought of saying **** it and go drink or go drug outta my head. i keep thinking i dont care and but whats stopping me. cuz i dont think i really care. i just keep bottleing all the stress up inside. im 17 ive done drugs since 5th grade. elementary school for gods sake. do i really have a chance i ask my self sometimes. right now im just looking for a substance to drown in.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Roxboro, NC
Posts: 544
Yes it matters.
If nothing changes then nothing changes. You've been using for a long time. 52 days in and your mind hasn't adjusted to the changes yet. Also realize that you were sick while you were using. Now you have to learn how to live "un-sick"
Drugs you've taken in the past were there to block something or some things out. Now you have to face day to day life and it's going to be tough. Some days you are going to have that **** it attitude.
Today might not feels like it matters, but it does.
I don't even know you but it matters to me.
If you have anyone that you can reach out to right now that will help you over this rough spot, then please do so. Stick around here and get some support.
Big Love.
If nothing changes then nothing changes. You've been using for a long time. 52 days in and your mind hasn't adjusted to the changes yet. Also realize that you were sick while you were using. Now you have to learn how to live "un-sick"
Drugs you've taken in the past were there to block something or some things out. Now you have to face day to day life and it's going to be tough. Some days you are going to have that **** it attitude.
Today might not feels like it matters, but it does.
I don't even know you but it matters to me.
If you have anyone that you can reach out to right now that will help you over this rough spot, then please do so. Stick around here and get some support.
Big Love.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 4
Think of the days as cards in a card castle you built. And you got all those cards and everyone is like wow look at how big it is. And in ur head ur like yea soo what I wanna knock this thing down. Talk about what r feeling to someone, anyone. A stuffed animal if tha what it takes. Just try not to knock down ur cards cuz it sux to start all over from card 1! Even though we are all doomed for relapse, we have to fight to keep our castles up daily and for the rest of out lives! I used drugs to cope with life's BS and now that I'm trying to not go down that road again, it's the only road I know that helps. I'm still looking for ways to cope. Ps3 kinda helps lol.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I would feel the same way when I got overwhelmed. Is it that you really don't care, or do you just feel like you can't deal with your life right now?
It's normal for us to want to drink/use when we get that way, but it doesn't solve the problem - it creates a bigger problem on top of it. Do you know what's stressing you out? Can you share that with your parents?
Even though it doesn't feel that way now, cravings and feelings do pass. Take it a minute at a time if you have to. You really can get through this.:ghug3
It's normal for us to want to drink/use when we get that way, but it doesn't solve the problem - it creates a bigger problem on top of it. Do you know what's stressing you out? Can you share that with your parents?
Even though it doesn't feel that way now, cravings and feelings do pass. Take it a minute at a time if you have to. You really can get through this.:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 50
Zach - it matters because YOU matter.
Stopping - not using - is only the essential beginning of this whole recovery thing. It's finding the reasons to stay stopped, namely, really caring about saving your own life, that is the real battle. And it sounds difficult, but that's where the real joy of stopping comes from. Learning how to actually live, really live. We addicts have spent all our using time running away from living. We tell ourselves that drinking and drugging allow us to engage but what we're really doing when we're using is disengaging, finding ways to check out without actually taking the razors to our wrists or the nooses to our necks, but the end result is the same.
But learning how to live? Oh man, such a trip, such a rush, such an adventure. Like nothing you ever experienced on drugs or alcohol. Staying grounded in the moment, and then, best of all, being able to recall that moment the next day, and see what you've learned from it.
You're bound to be suffering from some form of depression now, and the emotional ups and downs are a huge part of early recovery. Try to remember that this phase will pass. And if it's too much, you can always try to see a therapist if it's possible. And then remember, remind yourself always that you're worth it.
It matters. It matters more than anything else has ever mattered before, and maybe that's what's scaring the hell out of you.
Yes, until now, using's been the only thing you really know of your life. Think of how much there is to discover, and the future just opens up before you, wide and generous, not overwhelming and frightening. Just take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and with every step, remember, mutter the mantra: It matters. It matters. I matter. My life matters.
I promise you'll begin to really believe it soon.
Stopping - not using - is only the essential beginning of this whole recovery thing. It's finding the reasons to stay stopped, namely, really caring about saving your own life, that is the real battle. And it sounds difficult, but that's where the real joy of stopping comes from. Learning how to actually live, really live. We addicts have spent all our using time running away from living. We tell ourselves that drinking and drugging allow us to engage but what we're really doing when we're using is disengaging, finding ways to check out without actually taking the razors to our wrists or the nooses to our necks, but the end result is the same.
But learning how to live? Oh man, such a trip, such a rush, such an adventure. Like nothing you ever experienced on drugs or alcohol. Staying grounded in the moment, and then, best of all, being able to recall that moment the next day, and see what you've learned from it.
You're bound to be suffering from some form of depression now, and the emotional ups and downs are a huge part of early recovery. Try to remember that this phase will pass. And if it's too much, you can always try to see a therapist if it's possible. And then remember, remind yourself always that you're worth it.
It matters. It matters more than anything else has ever mattered before, and maybe that's what's scaring the hell out of you.
Yes, until now, using's been the only thing you really know of your life. Think of how much there is to discover, and the future just opens up before you, wide and generous, not overwhelming and frightening. Just take it one day at a time, one step at a time, and with every step, remember, mutter the mantra: It matters. It matters. I matter. My life matters.
I promise you'll begin to really believe it soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome ZACHk
I think it matters a lot
I really admire you for looking at your problem and doing something about it at 17...you could save yourself 20 or 30 years of hell
You'll find a lot of support here. Do you have any support in your real life?
D
I think it matters a lot
I really admire you for looking at your problem and doing something about it at 17...you could save yourself 20 or 30 years of hell
You'll find a lot of support here. Do you have any support in your real life?
D
Titanium
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Tolland County, CT
Posts: 45
zach, first of all, give yourself a break. take a couple minutes and sit by yourself without distraction.
then just focus on laying down tonight and saying to yourself "i didn't pick up"
they say one day at a time, sometimes it's one second at a time. no matter how bad it is right now, it will be worse if you relapse. so keep your spirits up, get distracted and stay positive. you can do it!
then just focus on laying down tonight and saying to yourself "i didn't pick up"
they say one day at a time, sometimes it's one second at a time. no matter how bad it is right now, it will be worse if you relapse. so keep your spirits up, get distracted and stay positive. you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 344
Zach, yes! You are doing the right thing.
The ways you can f*** up your life when drugging or drinking are endless. Pick up one newspaper and you'll see dozens of examples.
I'm so glad you've decided to be the one in charge of your life, instead of letting substances take charge. Applause!
The ways you can f*** up your life when drugging or drinking are endless. Pick up one newspaper and you'll see dozens of examples.
I'm so glad you've decided to be the one in charge of your life, instead of letting substances take charge. Applause!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Winchester, Va
Posts: 50
Zachk I started using at a little bit older age than you and I am now 25. Trust me when I say beat it now. That little devil telling you to use only gets more powerful. I'm not sure for us if that voice saying screw it ever goes away, I've gotten clean a few times and let it win. What I do know is its a test of will and i know your strong enough. Your recovery matters, to us, and to you. Be strong friend.
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
"Do I really have a chance?" Of course you do. So do I. I can go to bed each night knowing that I'm beating a disease that was supposed to kill me. I wake up each morning knowing that I have a new chance to win again. I go to meetings, I talk about my successes, failures and how I'm coping, and people love and respect me for who and what I am, not for something I'm pretending. I am a walking miracle. So are you. And yes, it's worth it.
My sobriety date is Nov. 27, 1988. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
My sobriety date is Nov. 27, 1988. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
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