Introduction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Enid Ok
Posts: 18
Introduction
Hi! my name is Mary, I have been sober for one day this time around. I have alot of struggles going on in my life at present time, and I have found myself drinking on occasion, and denying that I have a problem. But I do! It came out in my again Thursday night. I completley blacked out, I remember some things, but very little. I am angry at the whole world, I am in a self destruction mode, and I am spinning out of control. I do not want to! But, I am.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
I remember when I was drinking....I was mad at the world too!! I had to put down the alcohol and deal with my life in a constructive manner. The alcohol only put off the inevitable. I sure gave it a run though.
Good for you on Day 1, you'll find lots of support here at SR. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Best Wishes To You!
Good for you on Day 1, you'll find lots of support here at SR. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Best Wishes To You!
With the help and support of the good people here (and my addiction counselor) I'm going on two years sober and boy does it feel good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Buffalo Bill's territory, NY
Posts: 36
Hi Mary, I'm Tammy and today is my first sober day....so far. I want to drink soooo bad right now, but I have to take my daughter for an overnight at 6:45 and pick up my son to stay with me.....I am so scared I will drink when I get back home.
I attended some AA meetings, but did not follow the steps and have not used the list of contacts that I have....I just think I can do it on my own....I can't..I am an alcoholic and I am powerless over it, my brain just doesn't get it!!!!
I had the shakes and racing heart and dizzy and anxiety so bad this morning I thought I was losing my mind. I cried most of the morning, the kids couldn't understand, they are only 9 and 10 and they see me get anxiety attacks, but they don't know it's a direct cause from drinking.
I hate myself, I hate what I have done to my children, I hate that I failed in my marriage and feel so lost and helpless.
I started a notebook today and have written down inspirational things that I have read from these posts and I keep reading them. Someone told me when the craving hits, eat sugar, even if it's a spoonful, it helps. I haven't tried it, but I am drinking WAY too much coke and now my stomach is upset. Normally, I would have a few beers to make it go away, this time I took alka seltzer.
It seems I forget how sick I get and start it all over again. I'm trying this time a little harder.....I deserve it and so do you!
This is what alcohol does to me, then I forget how it was, smile and let it happen again....it's time I took the club away.
I attended some AA meetings, but did not follow the steps and have not used the list of contacts that I have....I just think I can do it on my own....I can't..I am an alcoholic and I am powerless over it, my brain just doesn't get it!!!!
I had the shakes and racing heart and dizzy and anxiety so bad this morning I thought I was losing my mind. I cried most of the morning, the kids couldn't understand, they are only 9 and 10 and they see me get anxiety attacks, but they don't know it's a direct cause from drinking.
I hate myself, I hate what I have done to my children, I hate that I failed in my marriage and feel so lost and helpless.
I started a notebook today and have written down inspirational things that I have read from these posts and I keep reading them. Someone told me when the craving hits, eat sugar, even if it's a spoonful, it helps. I haven't tried it, but I am drinking WAY too much coke and now my stomach is upset. Normally, I would have a few beers to make it go away, this time I took alka seltzer.
It seems I forget how sick I get and start it all over again. I'm trying this time a little harder.....I deserve it and so do you!
This is what alcohol does to me, then I forget how it was, smile and let it happen again....it's time I took the club away.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR Mary and Tammy!
SR is a great place to find support for your sobriety. I am at 6 months sober and it has been very hard but very rewarding. I wouldn't go back to the life I was living for anything.
Best wishes to you both in your journey!
SR is a great place to find support for your sobriety. I am at 6 months sober and it has been very hard but very rewarding. I wouldn't go back to the life I was living for anything.
Best wishes to you both in your journey!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Welcome Mary - you, too Tammy. It's wonderful you found us. You aren't alone anymore, you have plenty of understanding supporters here.
When I joined SR I had no idea how I was going to quit. When I read all the encouraging words here, and saw so many people winning their battle, I felt so much relief and hope. I got the courage to change my life by sharing my problem with people who really understood - like no one else in my life could. I hope you'll both feel the same way. Reading and posting here will help ease your anxiety, and you will learn alot. Congratulations on wanting a new life.
When I joined SR I had no idea how I was going to quit. When I read all the encouraging words here, and saw so many people winning their battle, I felt so much relief and hope. I got the courage to change my life by sharing my problem with people who really understood - like no one else in my life could. I hope you'll both feel the same way. Reading and posting here will help ease your anxiety, and you will learn alot. Congratulations on wanting a new life.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,575
Welcome Mary - you, too Tammy. It's wonderful you found us. You aren't alone anymore, you have plenty of understanding supporters here.
When I joined SR I had no idea how I was going to quit. When I read all the encouraging words here, and saw so many people winning their battle, I felt so much relief and hope. I got the courage to change, by sharing my problem with people who really understood - like no one else in my life could. I hope you'll both feel the same way. Reading and posting here will help ease your anxiety, and you will learn alot. Congratulations on wanting a new life.
When I joined SR I had no idea how I was going to quit. When I read all the encouraging words here, and saw so many people winning their battle, I felt so much relief and hope. I got the courage to change, by sharing my problem with people who really understood - like no one else in my life could. I hope you'll both feel the same way. Reading and posting here will help ease your anxiety, and you will learn alot. Congratulations on wanting a new life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Buffalo Bill's territory, NY
Posts: 36
Thank you all. It's 8:45pm and I have not had a drink at all today. I am terrified of tomorrow. I had another anxiety attack at 7:30pm, not as bad as earlier this morning, but I took a xanax and it helped calm me enough to take the edge off. I have to pick up my daughter from her sleepover at 7:30am tomorrow and for the first time, I will do it sober.
I am a beer drinker, 16-32 daily. I only work two days a week and on my days off, I start to drink around 6:30am and go until late at night. I would get nervous if I only had a six pack left. I have detoxed three times in the hospital due to injuries I sustained while drunk and came home and began again that day.
On Sept 10th, I had a mild heart attack, I am 43. I was rushed to the hospital and kept for 6 days. I met with abuse counselors, was given instructions on how to stay sober, told if I did not stop it would eventually kill me and I came home again, and drank 16 beers.
I lied, I hid it, I denied, I thought no one would know....I found out how wrong I was. Plenty of people knew but were unsure on how to approach me about it. I always drank at home so what should be my safe haven is my hell.
I will take tomorrow one minute, one hour at a time and I will get on here. I may see if a neighbor will watch my kids for about an hour while I run "errands"...actually trying to get to a meeting.
While in the hospital, they tested my blood for the enzymes that cause the heartattack as well as my nutritional well being. I was shocked to learn how malnourished I was. They gave me folic acid, B1, potassium and I now take 12 prescriptions to keep my bp down....all I need to do is STOP drinking.
I am alone, I have my kids two and a half days each week and my ex and I split the weekends, but they are 3 weekends in a row that he has them and then I get the next three....it's hard, and I drank.
I know that I cannot drink in moderation, that is not an option for me and I know that each day sober gets me healthier and I will find happiness....I just need to let go of the beer!
Thank you all, again for your support.
I am a beer drinker, 16-32 daily. I only work two days a week and on my days off, I start to drink around 6:30am and go until late at night. I would get nervous if I only had a six pack left. I have detoxed three times in the hospital due to injuries I sustained while drunk and came home and began again that day.
On Sept 10th, I had a mild heart attack, I am 43. I was rushed to the hospital and kept for 6 days. I met with abuse counselors, was given instructions on how to stay sober, told if I did not stop it would eventually kill me and I came home again, and drank 16 beers.
I lied, I hid it, I denied, I thought no one would know....I found out how wrong I was. Plenty of people knew but were unsure on how to approach me about it. I always drank at home so what should be my safe haven is my hell.
I will take tomorrow one minute, one hour at a time and I will get on here. I may see if a neighbor will watch my kids for about an hour while I run "errands"...actually trying to get to a meeting.
While in the hospital, they tested my blood for the enzymes that cause the heartattack as well as my nutritional well being. I was shocked to learn how malnourished I was. They gave me folic acid, B1, potassium and I now take 12 prescriptions to keep my bp down....all I need to do is STOP drinking.
I am alone, I have my kids two and a half days each week and my ex and I split the weekends, but they are 3 weekends in a row that he has them and then I get the next three....it's hard, and I drank.
I know that I cannot drink in moderation, that is not an option for me and I know that each day sober gets me healthier and I will find happiness....I just need to let go of the beer!
Thank you all, again for your support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Enid Ok
Posts: 18
Thank you all for your replies! I was not sure when I logged in if I would have any, and when I saw how many I had, and how many viewed my post, I got teary eyed! Also, welcome Tammygirl, and good luck on your journey to being sober for life.
I am very glad I found SR!
Eleven years ago, while my my daughter was pregnant with my first grandson, I had made my mind up that my grandson would not have a drunk for a grandmother. I put down the booze and quit drinking on my own. It was awful, the headaches I had were horrible, the craving I had for just one more drink was intense. I did it though, I became sober...Or at least I convinced myself I did. I had the occasional drink, but nothing like I was before, but when I did drink, I found myself binge drinking. This past year I have been through a divorce and my husband was not a good man to me. In quite honesty he was never a good to me. He provided well for me, but emotionally, intimately, he did not. I have lost all my self esteem, I have no self worth, and I feel very, very lonely. I do have a good support group in my two children, they both love me very much, and in turn, I have hurt the two of them so very much. I am hoping through my recovery I will learn to let them in, learn to let myself be forgiven, and forgive myself.
My son, had to man handle me during my last episode, Thursday night. I had a black out, do not remember anything, except for bits and pieces, but I put my son in the position to have to physically restrain me. It left him feeling very bad that he had to do that. I am quite bruised up from him holding me down, and he feels horrible about it. I told him you did not do this to me...I did this to me. I also told my daughter that I was burning down the house, and I was going to burn with it, then I told her. That after I am dead that I hoped every time she looked at her daughters face that she would see mine...OMG how awful is that!!! Today is a new day, and yesterday is left behind. It is the future that matters from now on. I cannot do anything about all the yesterdays but I can do something about all the tomorrows!
Thank you for listening!
I am very glad I found SR!
Eleven years ago, while my my daughter was pregnant with my first grandson, I had made my mind up that my grandson would not have a drunk for a grandmother. I put down the booze and quit drinking on my own. It was awful, the headaches I had were horrible, the craving I had for just one more drink was intense. I did it though, I became sober...Or at least I convinced myself I did. I had the occasional drink, but nothing like I was before, but when I did drink, I found myself binge drinking. This past year I have been through a divorce and my husband was not a good man to me. In quite honesty he was never a good to me. He provided well for me, but emotionally, intimately, he did not. I have lost all my self esteem, I have no self worth, and I feel very, very lonely. I do have a good support group in my two children, they both love me very much, and in turn, I have hurt the two of them so very much. I am hoping through my recovery I will learn to let them in, learn to let myself be forgiven, and forgive myself.
My son, had to man handle me during my last episode, Thursday night. I had a black out, do not remember anything, except for bits and pieces, but I put my son in the position to have to physically restrain me. It left him feeling very bad that he had to do that. I am quite bruised up from him holding me down, and he feels horrible about it. I told him you did not do this to me...I did this to me. I also told my daughter that I was burning down the house, and I was going to burn with it, then I told her. That after I am dead that I hoped every time she looked at her daughters face that she would see mine...OMG how awful is that!!! Today is a new day, and yesterday is left behind. It is the future that matters from now on. I cannot do anything about all the yesterdays but I can do something about all the tomorrows!
Thank you for listening!
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