Calling people in AA without going to AA?
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Calling people in AA without going to AA?
Hi everyone. Today is my ninth day without drinking and I am doing well. Somehow it's finally been easier for me to think positively and be excited about being sober, rather than being depressed about not being able to drink or being an alcoholic. I think for me the key was acceptance.
My boyfriend is having a hard time, feeling depressed and sad and full of emotions. I wish I could help him more but I try to just be there for him. I am glad to have him and his love and support. I am also happy to support him although I wonder if I'm helping much.
I also think I need additional support and was thinking I'll call two of the women from AA, which I went to the last time I was trying not to drink. I don't really feel like going to AA this time and my reasons for this are complex... mostly because it triggered me to drink last time, and I'm not placing the blame on AA, but I just mean that I felt overwhelmed with emotions and it felt like such a big declaration/commitment. This time things are going well so I think I should just keep doing what I'm doing. (For instance, when I told myself "I just won't drink *for today*", I kept wondering when I'd be able to drink again. Now I just tell myself "I don't want to drink anymore ever, and won't drink even if I want to," and I feel so much better with that mindset. Also, saying "I'm Pigtails and I'm an alcoholic" felt so overwhelming and scary and depressing, and I'd start to obsess about, am I or aren't I?, and what can/should I do about it?, whereas now I don't worry about the label and I just admit to myself that alcohol is bad for me, that I am much better off without it. I know that all of these concepts fit within AA but what I'm trying to say is that some things about AA produce overwhelming emotions for me whereas the way I've been thinking about it for the past week or so has felt much more empowering and soothing, so, I think I should keep going this way unless I feel like it's not working, and then I'm certainly open to explore whatever option might be better, including AA.
But what I liked about AA was the people who were so eager to help me, and a community of people who didn't drink or judge. People who understood what I was going through and who looked like they were happy and had fun without drinking. So I was hoping to befriend two of the women who reached out to me before and let them know where I'm at in my journey and that I need sober girl friends but I don't want to go to AA at this point. Is that kind of like using the benefits of AA without doing the "hard" stuff like going to meetings every day, doing the twelve steps and all of that? I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe I should look elsewhere for sober friends, like a running group or the people in my writing group or book clubs. But those people probably aren't alcoholics and so I don't have the benefit of feeling understood.
My boyfriend is having a hard time, feeling depressed and sad and full of emotions. I wish I could help him more but I try to just be there for him. I am glad to have him and his love and support. I am also happy to support him although I wonder if I'm helping much.
I also think I need additional support and was thinking I'll call two of the women from AA, which I went to the last time I was trying not to drink. I don't really feel like going to AA this time and my reasons for this are complex... mostly because it triggered me to drink last time, and I'm not placing the blame on AA, but I just mean that I felt overwhelmed with emotions and it felt like such a big declaration/commitment. This time things are going well so I think I should just keep doing what I'm doing. (For instance, when I told myself "I just won't drink *for today*", I kept wondering when I'd be able to drink again. Now I just tell myself "I don't want to drink anymore ever, and won't drink even if I want to," and I feel so much better with that mindset. Also, saying "I'm Pigtails and I'm an alcoholic" felt so overwhelming and scary and depressing, and I'd start to obsess about, am I or aren't I?, and what can/should I do about it?, whereas now I don't worry about the label and I just admit to myself that alcohol is bad for me, that I am much better off without it. I know that all of these concepts fit within AA but what I'm trying to say is that some things about AA produce overwhelming emotions for me whereas the way I've been thinking about it for the past week or so has felt much more empowering and soothing, so, I think I should keep going this way unless I feel like it's not working, and then I'm certainly open to explore whatever option might be better, including AA.
But what I liked about AA was the people who were so eager to help me, and a community of people who didn't drink or judge. People who understood what I was going through and who looked like they were happy and had fun without drinking. So I was hoping to befriend two of the women who reached out to me before and let them know where I'm at in my journey and that I need sober girl friends but I don't want to go to AA at this point. Is that kind of like using the benefits of AA without doing the "hard" stuff like going to meetings every day, doing the twelve steps and all of that? I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe I should look elsewhere for sober friends, like a running group or the people in my writing group or book clubs. But those people probably aren't alcoholics and so I don't have the benefit of feeling understood.
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I don't think there's anything wrong with that. They will likely try to get you to go back to meetings, but if they are willing to just be friends and be there to support you where's the harm in that?
Someone will likely tell you that the "hard stuff" in AA is the good stuff -- that working the steps and working the program is really what is at the heart of AA and that fellowship is only a small part of what AA is about. I think that's definitely true, but you might just not be at the point where you feel like doing those things. Maybe you never will and you'll be just fine.
I was a lot like you were at first, although I'm not in AA I am in a 12 step group. At first I wanted to kind of enjoy the fringe benefits, and I did at first, but after a while I realized that I wanted to get more plugged in and really get the full benefits of doing the hard work and get the healing that comes along with that.
In the end, whatever keeps you from drinking is what works for you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Someone will likely tell you that the "hard stuff" in AA is the good stuff -- that working the steps and working the program is really what is at the heart of AA and that fellowship is only a small part of what AA is about. I think that's definitely true, but you might just not be at the point where you feel like doing those things. Maybe you never will and you'll be just fine.
I was a lot like you were at first, although I'm not in AA I am in a 12 step group. At first I wanted to kind of enjoy the fringe benefits, and I did at first, but after a while I realized that I wanted to get more plugged in and really get the full benefits of doing the hard work and get the healing that comes along with that.
In the end, whatever keeps you from drinking is what works for you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by eJoshua 
I don't think there's anything wrong with that. They will likely try to get you to go back to meetings, but if they are willing to just be friends and be there to support you where's the harm in that?
Someone will likely tell you that the "hard stuff" in AA is the good stuff -- that working the steps and working the program is really what is at the heart of AA and that fellowship is only a small part of what AA is about. I think that's definitely true, but you might just not be at the point where you feel like doing those things. Maybe you never will and you'll be just fine.
I was a lot like you were at first, although I'm not in AA I am in a 12 step group. At first I wanted to kind of enjoy the fringe benefits, and I did at first, but after a while I realized that I wanted to get more plugged in and really get the full benefits of doing the hard work and get the healing that comes along with that.
In the end, whatever keeps you from drinking is what works for you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Someone will likely tell you that the "hard stuff" in AA is the good stuff -- that working the steps and working the program is really what is at the heart of AA and that fellowship is only a small part of what AA is about. I think that's definitely true, but you might just not be at the point where you feel like doing those things. Maybe you never will and you'll be just fine.
I was a lot like you were at first, although I'm not in AA I am in a 12 step group. At first I wanted to kind of enjoy the fringe benefits, and I did at first, but after a while I realized that I wanted to get more plugged in and really get the full benefits of doing the hard work and get the healing that comes along with that.
In the end, whatever keeps you from drinking is what works for you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thanks, everyone, for the advice.
As an update, I'm on Day 10 and feeling great. My boyfriend and I stayed in last night and watched a movie with his brother. In the past I would have thought I was a boring homebody. But now I think about how much money I saved and how relaxing it was and how I didn't drink and make a fool of myself and wake up sick and hungover and tired.
I plan to call the woman who took me to lunch before and let her know my status. [When she called and asked how I was doing and asked to take me to lunch, I was still drinking, and told her AA felt overwhelming and I'm not sure whether I'm an alcoholic or not and that I was trying to monitor it. She was very understanding and helpful.] That I'm not drinking and don't feel like drinking, but that I also don't feel like going to AA right now, but could use some support and some sober friends. I don't know her that well but she was so helpful to me and I am grateful for her because I always have in the back of my mind the image of someone who has gotten sober and who is happier now and who helped me and who I feel is there for me. That's a great thing to know. :-) And thanks to all of you for the support as well.
As an update, I'm on Day 10 and feeling great. My boyfriend and I stayed in last night and watched a movie with his brother. In the past I would have thought I was a boring homebody. But now I think about how much money I saved and how relaxing it was and how I didn't drink and make a fool of myself and wake up sick and hungover and tired.
I plan to call the woman who took me to lunch before and let her know my status. [When she called and asked how I was doing and asked to take me to lunch, I was still drinking, and told her AA felt overwhelming and I'm not sure whether I'm an alcoholic or not and that I was trying to monitor it. She was very understanding and helpful.] That I'm not drinking and don't feel like drinking, but that I also don't feel like going to AA right now, but could use some support and some sober friends. I don't know her that well but she was so helpful to me and I am grateful for her because I always have in the back of my mind the image of someone who has gotten sober and who is happier now and who helped me and who I feel is there for me. That's a great thing to know. :-) And thanks to all of you for the support as well.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by Pigtails
For instance, at AA, when I told myself "I just won't drink *for today*", I kept wondering when I'd be able to drink again. Now I just tell myself "I don't want to drink anymore ever, and won't drink even if I want to," and I feel so much better with that mindset.
Also, saying "I'm Pigtails and I'm an alcoholic" felt so overwhelming and scary and depressing, and I'd start to obsess about, am I or aren't I?, and what can/should I do about it? Whereas now I don't worry about the label and I just admit to myself that alcohol is bad for me, that I am much better off without it. The way I've been thinking about it for the past week or so has felt much more empowering and soothing, so, I think I should keep going this way.
Also, saying "I'm Pigtails and I'm an alcoholic" felt so overwhelming and scary and depressing, and I'd start to obsess about, am I or aren't I?, and what can/should I do about it? Whereas now I don't worry about the label and I just admit to myself that alcohol is bad for me, that I am much better off without it. The way I've been thinking about it for the past week or so has felt much more empowering and soothing, so, I think I should keep going this way.
AA is a great source of fellowship and face to face support, and the folks that I met there were kind and generous, willing to help. Give those nice ladies a chance.
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