6th day without drinking - almost failed
Argonaut
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 479
6th day without drinking - almost failed
Hi all, this is my 6th day without drinking. Last time I made to 79 days (great sober August and September) only to go on a 7 day binge on the 8th of October, (I thought I could dry socially again - big fail, that will never happen).
It was horrible: 2-3 bottles of wine or a day, at least, I can't even remember some days
- I woke up and went to sleep drinking. Withdrawal from the binge was horrible the first 2-3 days, but I used Valium to calm me down and prevent DT.
Now I am almost out of Valium, won't get a new prescription till monday, so I panicked that I might get through withdrawal from Valium also.
I thought about just having 2-3 beers because it would make the panic go awake and off I was, on my way to the store. I realized only half-way that this will end like always in another binge, one that might kill me this time.
After a few days/weeks being sober I still can't realize somehow that I am an alcoholic. It's like I forget it. I will go to an AA meeting on monday, was on my first 3 weeks before the binge, but didn't show up for more (so stupid, because it was ok).
PS. This board is great, I kept reading it during my first 3 days of withdrawal, couldn't write anything because of the shakes.
Greetings - Geralt
It was horrible: 2-3 bottles of wine or a day, at least, I can't even remember some days
- I woke up and went to sleep drinking. Withdrawal from the binge was horrible the first 2-3 days, but I used Valium to calm me down and prevent DT. Now I am almost out of Valium, won't get a new prescription till monday, so I panicked that I might get through withdrawal from Valium also.
I thought about just having 2-3 beers because it would make the panic go awake and off I was, on my way to the store. I realized only half-way that this will end like always in another binge, one that might kill me this time.
After a few days/weeks being sober I still can't realize somehow that I am an alcoholic. It's like I forget it. I will go to an AA meeting on monday, was on my first 3 weeks before the binge, but didn't show up for more (so stupid, because it was ok).
PS. This board is great, I kept reading it during my first 3 days of withdrawal, couldn't write anything because of the shakes.
Greetings - Geralt
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Armpit, USA
Posts: 9
Welcome!
First, don't beat yourself up. Remember the first step and that we lack any control over drinking. Also, pat yourself on the back that you stopped before getting the beer. That is a victory..be proud of it.
Right now I am 10 days sober. Yesterday and today I have discovered that simply thinking about my sobriety, makes me wonder if I will someday relapse...that thought makes me anxious about it...and anxiety makes me want to drink. It is a vicious cycle. Right now to me, that is the (new found for me) meaning of 'one day at a time'. I will not drink today, and I will not worry about tomarrow or someday...tomarrow will bring problems of its own.
First, don't beat yourself up. Remember the first step and that we lack any control over drinking. Also, pat yourself on the back that you stopped before getting the beer. That is a victory..be proud of it.
Right now I am 10 days sober. Yesterday and today I have discovered that simply thinking about my sobriety, makes me wonder if I will someday relapse...that thought makes me anxious about it...and anxiety makes me want to drink. It is a vicious cycle. Right now to me, that is the (new found for me) meaning of 'one day at a time'. I will not drink today, and I will not worry about tomarrow or someday...tomarrow will bring problems of its own.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Geralt - Congratulations on day 6!
In the beginning, I had a hard time "remembering" I was an alcoholic, too. I hadn't had a DUI, or other major consequence to shake me up and I always felt so in "control" when I was sober that it was hard to believe one or two drinks would lead to another drunken night, even though it had in the past.
The longer I stayed sober, though, the more I realized how different my life really was. One thing that helped me immensely during the early days was coming here each morning and just reading. I think we need those daily reminders in the beginning.
Glad you're here!
In the beginning, I had a hard time "remembering" I was an alcoholic, too. I hadn't had a DUI, or other major consequence to shake me up and I always felt so in "control" when I was sober that it was hard to believe one or two drinks would lead to another drunken night, even though it had in the past.
The longer I stayed sober, though, the more I realized how different my life really was. One thing that helped me immensely during the early days was coming here each morning and just reading. I think we need those daily reminders in the beginning.
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 129
It's so true about "forgetting" that you have no control when you take that first drink. I don't know how many times I've told myself "I'll just have 3..." I don't know why I temporarily believe that I won't drink more than I intended, and when I've finished the 3rd drink, I'm reaching for another, and then another...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Baltic coast
Posts: 1,371
Congrats on 6 days.
Beginnings are hard but it does get better.
I've learnt the hard way - there's no controlled drinking for me - it just takes 1-2 days and back to morning till night being drunk. That really was no fun. Being sober is a LOT better.
Beginnings are hard but it does get better.
I've learnt the hard way - there's no controlled drinking for me - it just takes 1-2 days and back to morning till night being drunk. That really was no fun. Being sober is a LOT better.
Argonaut
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 479
Day 7
Hi guys, thank you everyone! Today is day 7! 
I visited my doctor this afternoon, told the assistant over the phone how serious my cravings for alcohol were, so they managed to squeeze me in as the last patient today, instead of Monday.
Got my physicals checked: BP 123/80 (was around 150/100 during first days of withdrawal - I measured it with a home blood pressure machine/thingy - sorry my English is horrible lol) and pulse 63. Great, so the dangerous physical part of the withdrawal is over.
The doctor gave me a prescription for the Antabuse, so it will prevent me from drinking. I get very sick when combining alcohol with Antabuse - did it once, will never do it again. He also gave me another prescription for a benzo to help me taper off, instead going to zero in a few days. I have been using Valium for way too long - over 3,5 years, managed to get it down from 30 to 7,5 mg last half year, but it still would be too dangerous to go to zero in a week. Anyway, that's a story for the Substance Abuse board
But here comes the "best" part: I got home but still had to go to the pharmacy to pick up the Antabuse. Suddenly a thought appeared:
"Hey, you have the benzo's now, so you can deal with another withdrawal and you didn't take the Antabuse yet, why not have a drink and deal with it after the weekend?"
WHAT? I messed up almost 3 months of being sober, had a week long binge, a horrible withdrawal and yet I am thinking about drinking again? I really considered drinking again for a moment. How sick is the mind of an alcoholic?
Then I saw a note in front of my desktop that I wrote during withdrawal: "Don't drink, for your mother" (roughly translated of course). My mother has always helped me, despite me letting her down again and again. I am 31 now and she is 56, so the day will come that I will have to help and take care of her - no way I can do that being an alcoholic.
The thought of me hurting her again knocked out the alcoholic thought with a huge uppercut in an instant. I went to the pharmacy and took my Antabuse 2 hours go. Now I am safe for at least 7 more days of sobriety (2 pills of Antabuse work that long for me, I hope I will take them every week from now on).
But the battle has only started, the alcoholic monster has been knocked out for a moment, but it will be back to fight again. This time I will be better prepared: going to AA-meeting on Monday, taking my Antabuse and of course getting help and helping others on this great site! Thanks if anyone managed to read it, despite my horrible English grammar (thanks Firefox for spelling control )
I am off for a walk with the dog!
I visited my doctor this afternoon, told the assistant over the phone how serious my cravings for alcohol were, so they managed to squeeze me in as the last patient today, instead of Monday.
Got my physicals checked: BP 123/80 (was around 150/100 during first days of withdrawal - I measured it with a home blood pressure machine/thingy - sorry my English is horrible lol) and pulse 63. Great, so the dangerous physical part of the withdrawal is over.
The doctor gave me a prescription for the Antabuse, so it will prevent me from drinking. I get very sick when combining alcohol with Antabuse - did it once, will never do it again. He also gave me another prescription for a benzo to help me taper off, instead going to zero in a few days. I have been using Valium for way too long - over 3,5 years, managed to get it down from 30 to 7,5 mg last half year, but it still would be too dangerous to go to zero in a week. Anyway, that's a story for the Substance Abuse board
But here comes the "best" part: I got home but still had to go to the pharmacy to pick up the Antabuse. Suddenly a thought appeared:
"Hey, you have the benzo's now, so you can deal with another withdrawal and you didn't take the Antabuse yet, why not have a drink and deal with it after the weekend?"
WHAT? I messed up almost 3 months of being sober, had a week long binge, a horrible withdrawal and yet I am thinking about drinking again? I really considered drinking again for a moment. How sick is the mind of an alcoholic?
Then I saw a note in front of my desktop that I wrote during withdrawal: "Don't drink, for your mother" (roughly translated of course). My mother has always helped me, despite me letting her down again and again. I am 31 now and she is 56, so the day will come that I will have to help and take care of her - no way I can do that being an alcoholic.
The thought of me hurting her again knocked out the alcoholic thought with a huge uppercut in an instant. I went to the pharmacy and took my Antabuse 2 hours go. Now I am safe for at least 7 more days of sobriety (2 pills of Antabuse work that long for me, I hope I will take them every week from now on).
But the battle has only started, the alcoholic monster has been knocked out for a moment, but it will be back to fight again. This time I will be better prepared: going to AA-meeting on Monday, taking my Antabuse and of course getting help and helping others on this great site! Thanks if anyone managed to read it, despite my horrible English grammar (thanks Firefox for spelling control
)I am off for a walk with the dog!
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