Still get urges, and "Stinking Thinking"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 18
Still get urges, and "Stinking Thinking"
I've got almost two weeks clean. I am still get powerful urges to smoke crack. They come and go all day and night. And sometimes its gutwrenching and powerful.
I'm not using, but I feel that I'm missing out on a get high. I 've been battling crack addiciton for 17 years. I've "successfully completed" multiple rehabs. I've tried therapy, church, sponsers, steps, prayer, and I've attended thousands of meetings. I've had some periods of abstinence/recovery but I've never gotten past 2 years.
Right now, I struggle with feeling good about staying clean. I try real hard to be grateful. Gratitude helps a bit but is not enough deterrent for me right now. I feel as if, I'm a fake. And that I'm faking recovery and that I'm only abstaining b/c I'm broke, no job and no money. I'm not willing to panhandle, or commit robbery's or deal drugs. (I guess thats good)
I'm abstaining but it hurts my insides. I worry I will relapse as soon as I get a chance. My biggest deterent is that I'm terrified of getting arrested and getting my picture in the newspaper, and I'm terrified I may just get hurt or sick and have to deal with another expensive lenthy hospital stay for some drug related injury/illness.
But those fears also fuel my addiction as I enjoy the crazy thrill. My sponser says this feeling of urges is normal, it's normal detox and detoxing distorts rational thoughts. My therapist calls this "stinking thinking" not uncommon to addicts in eary recovery. Has anyone else gone thru this? Any recommendations?
I'm not using, but I feel that I'm missing out on a get high. I 've been battling crack addiciton for 17 years. I've "successfully completed" multiple rehabs. I've tried therapy, church, sponsers, steps, prayer, and I've attended thousands of meetings. I've had some periods of abstinence/recovery but I've never gotten past 2 years.
Right now, I struggle with feeling good about staying clean. I try real hard to be grateful. Gratitude helps a bit but is not enough deterrent for me right now. I feel as if, I'm a fake. And that I'm faking recovery and that I'm only abstaining b/c I'm broke, no job and no money. I'm not willing to panhandle, or commit robbery's or deal drugs. (I guess thats good)
I'm abstaining but it hurts my insides. I worry I will relapse as soon as I get a chance. My biggest deterent is that I'm terrified of getting arrested and getting my picture in the newspaper, and I'm terrified I may just get hurt or sick and have to deal with another expensive lenthy hospital stay for some drug related injury/illness.
But those fears also fuel my addiction as I enjoy the crazy thrill. My sponser says this feeling of urges is normal, it's normal detox and detoxing distorts rational thoughts. My therapist calls this "stinking thinking" not uncommon to addicts in eary recovery. Has anyone else gone thru this? Any recommendations?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi happybear
I drank for 20 years - I had urges after I quit, and for a lot longer than two weeks.
The difference was I really wanted to be sober - I nearly killed myself drinking, and I really wanted to try another way to live.
The way I figure it - to feel cravings or urges can be expected - we lived that way for years - but it's how we react to them now, and particularly what we do about them when they resurface, that marks the difference.
Reach out, find that support - do whatever it takes to not give in to that urge.
The more I did that, the more I learned about living sober, and the more I grew to appreciate my sober life...and slowly but surely the urges died off.
You can get there too
D
I drank for 20 years - I had urges after I quit, and for a lot longer than two weeks.
The difference was I really wanted to be sober - I nearly killed myself drinking, and I really wanted to try another way to live.
The way I figure it - to feel cravings or urges can be expected - we lived that way for years - but it's how we react to them now, and particularly what we do about them when they resurface, that marks the difference.
Reach out, find that support - do whatever it takes to not give in to that urge.
The more I did that, the more I learned about living sober, and the more I grew to appreciate my sober life...and slowly but surely the urges died off.
You can get there too
D
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
It is up to us whether we choose to act on these thoughts of using again. Pay attention to these thoughts when they come, and acknowledge them, like, "Oh yeah, you again". At this point in your inside conversation, you can decide to not let this thought become an urge. You can decide not to dwell on this thought, and think instead about what a non-user would do.
After all, you don't use anymore, right?
After all, you don't use anymore, right?
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