I am done with this crap
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
The whole idea of self-identifying as an alcoholic is neither here nor there. In many minds, the word conveys all sorts of judgements and moral connotations that are upsetting, and not helpful to your situation. So, don't use that 'a' word if it means that you have no way out of this without divine intervention.
I think you do have control over this, as long as you don't take the first drink. The idea of setting limits for yourself so that you moderate your drinking speaks volumes about this phase of self-deception that we have all experienced.
Read these replies again, and take out the common statements, and what do you get?
You have some deciding to do, and the sooner you decide, the easier it will go for you. Your first decision, to be honest with yourself, is a huge step forward to where you want to be. SR and the good folks here will help. Keep posting, Colt, we're pulling for you.
I think you do have control over this, as long as you don't take the first drink. The idea of setting limits for yourself so that you moderate your drinking speaks volumes about this phase of self-deception that we have all experienced.
Read these replies again, and take out the common statements, and what do you get?
- We have all tried to limit our drinking, and failed.
- After one drink, our self-control was gone, and the rest of the day was shot.
- The amount we could drink, and the amount we drank, increased over time.
- We grew weary of the deception and lying, and loss of self respect.
- Sooner or later, we stopped drinking completely.
You have some deciding to do, and the sooner you decide, the easier it will go for you. Your first decision, to be honest with yourself, is a huge step forward to where you want to be. SR and the good folks here will help. Keep posting, Colt, we're pulling for you.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Someone told me if you stop drinking & life is better, alcohol was a problem. If you stop & life gets worse (feelings & emotions) then aa can help because alcoholism is the problem.
Forge on, they like hiring sober people, women prefer sober dates, etc!
Stick around, we need you here!
Forge on, they like hiring sober people, women prefer sober dates, etc!
Stick around, we need you here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
If you destroyed your life by drinking, you won't be seeing rainbows and unicorns when you quit. You will see all of the wreckage, only this time with a clear head. If that doesn't make you feel bad, you might have a few screws loose.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 7
I am reminded of something I saw on Oprah years back about very overweight women who struggled with her weight for years. Then she joined an online forum and the social support helped her to finally lose the weight. That was what turned things around. I am hoping that the same thing happens for me with this forum. Either via abstinence or moderation, it's whatever will work.
If I end up falling on my face, then I will ramp it up to abstinence. If that doesn't work, then I will go to meetings as well. Nothing bad has happened yet...but the key word is 'yet' which is why this situation has to stop. My life is extremely good and I'd like to keep it that way.
I hope that I can report six months from now that I have been out with my friends regularly and able to drink moderately (3 or less drinks) for the past six months--maybe a couple of house parties where I had, at most, 6 drinks. And most importantly, never sneaked drinks or got drunk by myself. If I can honestly report those things a week from now, a month from now, six months from now and onward...I will be happy. If not, then I am dealing with a bigger problem. Time will tell.
I am hugely committed to being 100% honest on this forum and keeping up with this forum. I think that is likely to be more important in dealing with this situation than anything.
@Sugarbear1 I suspect my life will get better if I moderate. Currently I do drink moderately on Tuesdays 2-3 drinks every time (my friends and I go to weekly trivia night), then I stay abstinent for until Friday or Saturday (I never get drunk on both nights). Then I do some mental gymnastics and decide to cram down a twelve pack in a 5-6 hour period on one of those two nights and wake up hung over for an equal amount of time and regretting it. Not to mention that it also screws with my sleep schedule a bit and leaves me feeling mentally foggy until Monday or Tuesday. So this whole crazy ordeal is over 6 hours of pleasure!!
If I end up falling on my face, then I will ramp it up to abstinence. If that doesn't work, then I will go to meetings as well. Nothing bad has happened yet...but the key word is 'yet' which is why this situation has to stop. My life is extremely good and I'd like to keep it that way.
I hope that I can report six months from now that I have been out with my friends regularly and able to drink moderately (3 or less drinks) for the past six months--maybe a couple of house parties where I had, at most, 6 drinks. And most importantly, never sneaked drinks or got drunk by myself. If I can honestly report those things a week from now, a month from now, six months from now and onward...I will be happy. If not, then I am dealing with a bigger problem. Time will tell.
I am hugely committed to being 100% honest on this forum and keeping up with this forum. I think that is likely to be more important in dealing with this situation than anything.
@Sugarbear1 I suspect my life will get better if I moderate. Currently I do drink moderately on Tuesdays 2-3 drinks every time (my friends and I go to weekly trivia night), then I stay abstinent for until Friday or Saturday (I never get drunk on both nights). Then I do some mental gymnastics and decide to cram down a twelve pack in a 5-6 hour period on one of those two nights and wake up hung over for an equal amount of time and regretting it. Not to mention that it also screws with my sleep schedule a bit and leaves me feeling mentally foggy until Monday or Tuesday. So this whole crazy ordeal is over 6 hours of pleasure!!
July 8, 2011
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California
Posts: 66
I am only 26, and have been diagnosed with liver disease, as a direct result of my addiction ( it is common for alcoholics as well) if i were to continue using, could easily turn into liver cancer
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 10
Hi, Colt.
Controlled drinking does work for some people. Obviously, it doesn't work for everyone, but it's good that you recognise there is a problem, and are willing to do something about it sooner, rather than later. Years ago, I saw a D&A counsellor, and the first thing she suggested me to try, is controlled drinking. This included keeping a "drinking" diary. If controlled drinking doesn't work, then the next obvious step is abstinance.
I've noticed some of the replies here suggest an all-or-nothing approach towards drinking, and i understand this is absolutely the only thing that works for some people. However, i know that controlled drinking can also work for some folks, without it worsening (and i assume it possibly depends if you really are drinking out of sheer boredom, or have an addiction). For example, my 71 year old neighbour, was a daily drinker, and stopped over 15 years ago. She can't bear the thought of never ever drinking again, and allows herself 2 drinks maximum at social events, so that she doesn't feel deprived. She has managed to stick to this. Again -- i stress this doesn't work for everyone, some people, like me, are unable to stop at one. But good luck to you, in either cutting back or stopping altogether.
Controlled drinking does work for some people. Obviously, it doesn't work for everyone, but it's good that you recognise there is a problem, and are willing to do something about it sooner, rather than later. Years ago, I saw a D&A counsellor, and the first thing she suggested me to try, is controlled drinking. This included keeping a "drinking" diary. If controlled drinking doesn't work, then the next obvious step is abstinance.
I've noticed some of the replies here suggest an all-or-nothing approach towards drinking, and i understand this is absolutely the only thing that works for some people. However, i know that controlled drinking can also work for some folks, without it worsening (and i assume it possibly depends if you really are drinking out of sheer boredom, or have an addiction). For example, my 71 year old neighbour, was a daily drinker, and stopped over 15 years ago. She can't bear the thought of never ever drinking again, and allows herself 2 drinks maximum at social events, so that she doesn't feel deprived. She has managed to stick to this. Again -- i stress this doesn't work for everyone, some people, like me, are unable to stop at one. But good luck to you, in either cutting back or stopping altogether.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by spqr 
I think this is exactly right. You need to find something else to do. I started to go to the gym in the evenings, and started taking on freelance work that forced a certain degree of responsibility on me to stay sober.
There was no way in the short term that I could sit and relax, watch a movie and play on the internet. I needed to break that routine.
There was no way in the short term that I could sit and relax, watch a movie and play on the internet. I needed to break that routine.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, but don't let intellect get in your way. When I was your age I was in the same situation. I kept trying to moderate, and it got me in a lot of trouble. The mental torture of shame and lack of self-esteen wasn't worth it. When I tried to moderate the mind games of it all was just draining. Well, we are all different...hopefully you are not as sick as I am. Just remember that this is a progressive disease, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. I know a few drinks (if you can hold to that) is fun, but it may be leading you down the nightmare of your life. Watch yourself, and keep coming back to SR..This forum has been a lifesaver for me. We care and we understand. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Sounds to me like a good plan, at least for the present. You say you go on binges but don't consider yourself to be an "alcoholic". And you'd like to drink "moderately". Sounds like you have a drinking problem. It's not that important what you call it. You want to change that. Being honest with yourself and with others on this forum is a good step. Many binge drinkers (like I was) find that they can't really drink "moderately" and that they have to give it up entirely. Oddly enough, that's not as hard as it sounds. After a year or so, or maybe a little longer, you no longer miss is that much. I know I'm much happier now without it. I found that I could give it up more easily if I had some kind of group support, whether AA or some other type of group. This website is a kind of group but it also helps to have people you can ring up on the phone if you're feeling antsy. So keep tuned in to this website and why not also explore getting with some group of persons like yourself who want to quit or at least moderate their drinking. Good luck to you and all the best!
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
P.S. I agree with the vast majority of others on this thread that the goal of trying to drink "moderately" is, with great frequency, an illusion for most folks with a drinking problem. The attempt to do so can go on for years and years and the addiction worsens over time. Gradually the body takes over the mind. Gradually the walls start closing in. Jobs come and go and the career pattern relentlessly deteriorates. Marriages fail and health worsens. Eventually there may be problems with the law.
All I know is what I regret not having done. I regret not having sought out group support to help me quit entirely forty five or more years ago, instead of kidding myself that I might have been able to drink "moderately".
W.
All I know is what I regret not having done. I regret not having sought out group support to help me quit entirely forty five or more years ago, instead of kidding myself that I might have been able to drink "moderately".
W.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 34
I'm with Sissy... Moderation is a tricky thing and causes your mind to whack out. When I first came to SR I was a daily 1-2 bottles of wine a day drinker (much more on the weekends) and had a "plan" to moderate that included no drinking at all on M,T and Th and only 2 drinks on the other days. For 2 weeks that was great. I was following my plan and pretty proud. My problem was that when I put "rules" down regarding when, where and how much I could drink, I started becoming OBSESSED with alcohol. My mind was literally consumed with thoughts regarding the rules of my drinking. Plus I was always angry because my "rules" allowed me to have a few drinks but I could never catch that buzz. I finally got to a point where the moderating just seemed pointless, if I couldn't catch a buzz, why drink at all? So I just stopped. I gave myself a "break" from booze. No set time limit etc. just a break. It's now been almost 7 weeks and I haven't touched the stuff. Been tempted many times but it feels great to be free. Good luck on your journey!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Hi Colt,
Welcome to the forum! I am really happy for you that you were able to share your story with us here. It is certainly not easy to ask for help or to identify problems drinking. At your age you are certainly younger then most people who realize usually too late in there drinking to avert long term health problems. Truth is Alcohol is a cunning disease, many times we do not see the adverse health effects for many years, which is just long enough to keep us thinking were doing fine drinking, until inevitably the few years pass and we are now in the danger zone but unfortunately much more physically and mentally addicted. It is usually much more painful and difficult to stop at that juncture.
My suggestion to you would be to stop while you are ahead. The stories you hear from all the other old timer alcoholics, of course may sound much worse then the stories you have from drinking. But all of the old timers started out as young timers. We are all eligible to accumulate the horror alcoholic stories as long as we keep drinking.
The choice is really ours to make. Do we risk falling down the rabbit hole of alcoholism or do we stop while we are ahead? If we have just 1 hour free from alcohol we are ahead. We can turn that 1 hour into 2 hours, those 2 hours into 3 hours, into 1 day into 2 day's into 3 weeks. Before we know it we are free~ from alcohol and realize there are other ways to enjoy ourselves and alleviate our stresses (Volunteer work, Exercise, Sports, talking to others etc.)
Of course we can always try to "Control" our drinking. But all it takes is reading through the thousands of posts from others that tried that to learn that the outcomes of self moderation for those of us who already have some Alcoholic traits are usually not very encouraging down the road.
Keep on posting and best of luck to you.
Welcome to the forum! I am really happy for you that you were able to share your story with us here. It is certainly not easy to ask for help or to identify problems drinking. At your age you are certainly younger then most people who realize usually too late in there drinking to avert long term health problems. Truth is Alcohol is a cunning disease, many times we do not see the adverse health effects for many years, which is just long enough to keep us thinking were doing fine drinking, until inevitably the few years pass and we are now in the danger zone but unfortunately much more physically and mentally addicted. It is usually much more painful and difficult to stop at that juncture.
My suggestion to you would be to stop while you are ahead. The stories you hear from all the other old timer alcoholics, of course may sound much worse then the stories you have from drinking. But all of the old timers started out as young timers. We are all eligible to accumulate the horror alcoholic stories as long as we keep drinking.
The choice is really ours to make. Do we risk falling down the rabbit hole of alcoholism or do we stop while we are ahead? If we have just 1 hour free from alcohol we are ahead. We can turn that 1 hour into 2 hours, those 2 hours into 3 hours, into 1 day into 2 day's into 3 weeks. Before we know it we are free~ from alcohol and realize there are other ways to enjoy ourselves and alleviate our stresses (Volunteer work, Exercise, Sports, talking to others etc.)
Of course we can always try to "Control" our drinking. But all it takes is reading through the thousands of posts from others that tried that to learn that the outcomes of self moderation for those of us who already have some Alcoholic traits are usually not very encouraging down the road.
Keep on posting and best of luck to you.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I still believe there's an Alcoholism Spectrum in our current self-indulgent-quick-fix-society.
Do what you can, if it doesn't work, try something else. Some people drink alcoholically but aren't alcoholics, others are alcoholics. The Alcoholic will often disagree there's a problem & that s/he doesn't have any problem, until the disease has progressed....just thoughts....
Do what you can, if it doesn't work, try something else. Some people drink alcoholically but aren't alcoholics, others are alcoholics. The Alcoholic will often disagree there's a problem & that s/he doesn't have any problem, until the disease has progressed....just thoughts....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by vInDaLoO
Moderation for me is pure agony, nothing but mental torture about so many different aspects, when/how many/days/any one notice/etc/etc/etc. I have finally realised !
What could be worse then the pure agony of having only "one drink", particularly when others are having several?
W.
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