simplex

Hello,

I've got 96 days and two good friends of mine, whom I actually introduced were recently married. They're having their party today at a bar that is now about 45 min away from me. I'm feeling a little nervous about going because I don't any of their friends that will be there, and I'm not a social butterfly (that's what the booze was for.) Although I do love shooting pool, and there is going to be catered food.

A big goal of mine lately is to try and be more sociable around people. I think this would be an opportunity to sort of get out of my comfort zone. Though I'm aware that I might not meet the best people at a bar, but it's the invitation people I'm mostly interested in meeting. Doesn't mean they're all bar folk right?

Here are some steps I'm taking to sort of protect what I'm working on. I feel very confident in my sobriety and the direction I'm heading number 1. I'll be driving myself so I can leave any time I want, I'm going to call my sponsor, and I have sober friends that know where I'm going. Also, the groom knows about what I'm going through and he won't be offering me drinks etc.

So I dunno. I don't want to be afraid to live because I'm sober. I just wanted to throw this out there as another way to protect my sobriety if that makes sense. Any other suggestions or opinions would be greatly appreciated. And hopefully they will have wifi so I can check SR there. Thanks guys.

sugarbear1

Can you bring a sober friend?

Have an exit plan & practice it.

Have fun! Don't stay too long.

ButterflyMan

Stay strong Simplex.

suki44883

Taking a sober friend is a good idea. If not, how about just staying for 15-20 minutes. Tell them you have to leave but wanted to congratulate them and drop off a gift, and that you want to plan a private get-together soon. That way, you'll acknowledge their invitation but not feel so uncomfortable by staying for hours.

ACT10Npack

If your that worry then don't go. If you really want to go and don't drink then take something that will let you drink after.

Zebra1275

Have an exit plan and don't stay too long. Call your sponsor and arrange to meet him at a meeting tomorrow morning, that will give you some added accountability.

If it were me, I would go, but again I wouldn't stay long.

Anna

I think it's good that you're aware that it could be a difficult night for you.

Having your own car for a get-away is a big plus. If things get bad, then just leave.

Dee74

Not everything will apply - but there are some good general tips here Simplex

Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

I agree that a plan to deal with people asking you about drinks and drinking and an escape plan if it all gets too much are both great things to think about beforehand

have a good time
D

simplex

Well I feel a little foolish... I drove all the way up to atlanta (about 45 minutes from me) got to the shopping center with the bar... I was walking up to the place and saw balloons and what could have been gifts. I didn't have a gift. Then I started thinking are people dressed up? What is going on? I heard people laughing etc. and I got really freaked out. My mind started playing out all the scenarios and I'd tried to think of an exit plan and I dunno. I turned around and got back in my car, sat there for 30 minutes while I called my sober friend and decided to just leave. Nobody saw me thank god. If this was when I was active I would have not cared at all because I would have beer. I feel strange in that I have this strong want/need to connect with people but I'm realizing I just don't know how to do it :/ How can you want to connect but actively resist it? I feel guilty because I was basically a no show. Although this is probably a bigger deal in my mind than anything else.

I dunno I was upset on the drive home I felt like I had wasted my time and been foolish. But i'm trying to not beat myself up so much over things. I called my sponsor who said next time take a friend. Talking to him helped, but mostly it helped finding the positives.
1. I still have my sobriety 2. It was a beautiful day for a drive 3. I got great pizza and saw a ton of interesting people 4. I listened to my instincts about protecting myself.

oh one more thing, I think this was a big key for me. On the drive up there I noticed that I was extremely tired. I only got 3 hours last night and worked earlier today. I remembered something from rehab... (cliche alert) H.A.L.T which is (hunger, anger, loneliness, and being tired) which usually proceeds imminent relapse. I make very poor choices when I'm tired and I get overly emotional. So I'm proud took how my body felt seriously.

Thank you all for the strength in this thread. I definitely kept your words in mind today, it really helped.

Dee74

I'm sorry it didn't work out - but there's always a next time

I started small with reconnecting with people simplex - small intimate gatherings, close friends - and worked from there

D

Hevyn

simplex - I'm so glad you came here to talk it out. That was a big hurdle to get over. Things may not have gone the way you expected, but you did what you needed to do, & got home safely.

I had a similar thing happen when I first quit. I remember the feeling of panic as I approached the pub. It was probably not a good idea to go, as I just sat there like a lump - very resentful that I couldn't have anything. Now I have a different attitude entirely - but I was only 1 month sober at the time, & feelings were raw.

It's early days yet for you - emotions are all over the place for awhile. It will all settle down. Proud of you for staying the course.

Zebra1275

Although this is probably a bigger deal in my mind than anything else.

Yep, I'm sure it is.

And actually your night was successful because (drum roll) you're sober!

LaFemme

Congratulations on realizing it was not a good time to try this...being tired would have made you vulnerable.

Take baby steps when getting back onto society...at least that worked for me

MrSilver

Personally, I feel we have to learn to face our fears if we are to ever overcome them. I can't and don't want to speak for anyone else but for me that has been the only way I can do it. As scary and as tough as it was at first it was always worth it in the end. Have a strong plan in mind of not to drink, and take baby steps toward a long term goal. Trying to change everything at once is too much and it will lead to falling into those old habits again. Even though we want to face things sometimes fear leads us to the bad habits we want to break. We might not like them but they are familuar to us so in that sense they are comftorable. Remember...progress can't happen without change. If you fail you learn and move on hoping to get it right next time.

OorWullie

You stayed sober Simplex which is the most important thing. It will maybe be easier the next time and any night involving pizza is a success in my book...

omaha

I agree with everyone that it was a good night because you are still sober. If the groom knows your situation I'm sure that he and his wife will completely understand you not showing up without saying something. I think for the future the buddy system would be good to use. Also if your going out to a function where there is drinking involved I think telling those that offer you drinks that you are sober. Tell them how long you have been and tell them that a soda or water would be nice instead. I don't feel like after hearing that anyone would try and pressure you into drinking. I know that might be hard not being a very social person, but after a few people know then you might have those to help hold you accountable. I only suggest this because I've been to bars for parties and there have been sober people there that have done that and people seemed to respect that enough to not ask them to drink or offer them anything and to try and not do anything that might tempt them. Keep trying to get back out there.

littlefish

We all go through this in early sobriety. Here is a story for y'all: I was nervous as heck going to a wedding reception but I went and it was difficult. Drinks were thrown at me right and left. I even got "the question": my host's partner said: "You aren't drinking?"
I said no. I gave no explanation.

I watched my host walk around with a box of wine and get smashed. I thought to myself: man, that guy must be an alcoholic like me because he is holding onto that box of wine like it is a catheter.

I sat with other designated drivers and discovered that parties are actually fun after all because not everyone gets drunk as a skunk. It was one of the most enjoyable parties I have been to because I was sober.

9 months later who do you think walks into my home group of AA?

Yes, the guy who was walking around with a box of wine all night at his wedding reception.
He has just taken his 2 year chip.