Just getting started...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 20
Just getting started...
Hello All,
Whew, well I've been a lurker here for many, many months, but am finally having the guts to say hello. I'm a mother with 3 kids, a dog, husband, and full time job. Although I know I've always had an assoication with alcohol, I know the last two years I have been getting worse and worse. I feel like my whole life somehow revolves around it (from husband, to activities, to social times). I'm so scared in many ways to pull this plug, because I don't know where it will lead, but I know it has to be done. I just don't know if it will be done with any support from my husband, and I'm pretty alone in dealing with this whole thing. My dad is an alcoholic, as was my grandfather. I don't have the heart to tell my mom I have an issue (we don't live in the same state) as it would break her heart I think to know I have a problem.
To be honest, I'm not really sure the best way to start (other than posting here). Should I see my regular doctor and try and get a referral someplace for assistance? There is an AA place not far from my house, but I really don't know if I can get the nerve to walk into the place by myself, I'm terrified. And like some I've seen post here, I'm not sure I'm ready to label myself an alcoholic yet... I just want help.
I should tell you my main issue is that when I drink, I can never stop at one or two... it's usually much more. My choice is beer or wine, and rarely drink anything else except when my husband makes up some marguaritas. I drink on average 4-5 days a week, although I will admit, I feel so good after a day or two of not drinking, I don't understand why I feel the need to start up again when the weekend rolls around. Habit, stress, anxiety... I'm sure all play a part. I don't think my husband will let me get rid of the beer drawer, or empty out everything else out of the house, but I'll at least try. There are so many issues with him drinking and me not, that scares me about doing this, but I have to start thinking about what's best for my kids, and for me, and he'll have to deal with it.
Anyway, I'm rambling on, I just have so much going on in my head. I really want to stop now.
Whew, well I've been a lurker here for many, many months, but am finally having the guts to say hello. I'm a mother with 3 kids, a dog, husband, and full time job. Although I know I've always had an assoication with alcohol, I know the last two years I have been getting worse and worse. I feel like my whole life somehow revolves around it (from husband, to activities, to social times). I'm so scared in many ways to pull this plug, because I don't know where it will lead, but I know it has to be done. I just don't know if it will be done with any support from my husband, and I'm pretty alone in dealing with this whole thing. My dad is an alcoholic, as was my grandfather. I don't have the heart to tell my mom I have an issue (we don't live in the same state) as it would break her heart I think to know I have a problem.
To be honest, I'm not really sure the best way to start (other than posting here). Should I see my regular doctor and try and get a referral someplace for assistance? There is an AA place not far from my house, but I really don't know if I can get the nerve to walk into the place by myself, I'm terrified. And like some I've seen post here, I'm not sure I'm ready to label myself an alcoholic yet... I just want help.
I should tell you my main issue is that when I drink, I can never stop at one or two... it's usually much more. My choice is beer or wine, and rarely drink anything else except when my husband makes up some marguaritas. I drink on average 4-5 days a week, although I will admit, I feel so good after a day or two of not drinking, I don't understand why I feel the need to start up again when the weekend rolls around. Habit, stress, anxiety... I'm sure all play a part. I don't think my husband will let me get rid of the beer drawer, or empty out everything else out of the house, but I'll at least try. There are so many issues with him drinking and me not, that scares me about doing this, but I have to start thinking about what's best for my kids, and for me, and he'll have to deal with it.
Anyway, I'm rambling on, I just have so much going on in my head. I really want to stop now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Posting here is a good start!
Why not talk to your doctor about it? Perhaps she/he can refer you to a chemical dependency couselor? That would be a nice private way to start exploring the questions and concerns you have about your drinking. Without knowing all the details of how much you drink (a bottle of wine a day? 3 bottles a day?) I will definitely caution you that withdrawal can be deadly. Learn the signs and work closely with your doctor if you decide to quit cold turkey.
Going to an AA meeting for the first time can be stressful. If you look on your area's AA website, you'll find resources to help you and someone can put you in touch with a person who will meet you outside the meeting should you want support in going in. I've been to AA meetings in the Dallas area while traveling for work and I've found them cheerful and welcoming!
Good luck and keep us posted!
Why not talk to your doctor about it? Perhaps she/he can refer you to a chemical dependency couselor? That would be a nice private way to start exploring the questions and concerns you have about your drinking. Without knowing all the details of how much you drink (a bottle of wine a day? 3 bottles a day?) I will definitely caution you that withdrawal can be deadly. Learn the signs and work closely with your doctor if you decide to quit cold turkey.
Going to an AA meeting for the first time can be stressful. If you look on your area's AA website, you'll find resources to help you and someone can put you in touch with a person who will meet you outside the meeting should you want support in going in. I've been to AA meetings in the Dallas area while traveling for work and I've found them cheerful and welcoming!
Good luck and keep us posted!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 20
Thank you for your responses..
I definately realize that even beer or wine is alcohol, but so far I'm not really tempted to drink other harder alcohol yet. Unless I'm on vacation, I normally manage "Not to drink" for about 3 days in a row, sometimes 4. But there isn't a day I don't want to have a drink, and it really is in the back of my head when I'm going into the fridge and grabbing a water, that I'd rather pull out that bottle of wine, or a beer to "relax" me, as try to forget about work, the kids, etc.
When I drink, it's normally between 5-8 beers, or about the same amount in ounces in wine. I may not finish a full, large bottle of wine, but I will come close. So many nights I'll say I'll just have one glass of wine, or finish off this bottle, but then I end up with so many more, especially on the wine. I will definately drink more on the weekends, which normally includes Thursday's since I don't work on Fridays. I"m till managing to keep a good job, and haven't had any issues there so far, but I can see where all of this is going as I am getting worse and worse at controlling this. I see my dad, and I don't want to end up there...
I definately realize that even beer or wine is alcohol, but so far I'm not really tempted to drink other harder alcohol yet. Unless I'm on vacation, I normally manage "Not to drink" for about 3 days in a row, sometimes 4. But there isn't a day I don't want to have a drink, and it really is in the back of my head when I'm going into the fridge and grabbing a water, that I'd rather pull out that bottle of wine, or a beer to "relax" me, as try to forget about work, the kids, etc.
When I drink, it's normally between 5-8 beers, or about the same amount in ounces in wine. I may not finish a full, large bottle of wine, but I will come close. So many nights I'll say I'll just have one glass of wine, or finish off this bottle, but then I end up with so many more, especially on the wine. I will definately drink more on the weekends, which normally includes Thursday's since I don't work on Fridays. I"m till managing to keep a good job, and haven't had any issues there so far, but I can see where all of this is going as I am getting worse and worse at controlling this. I see my dad, and I don't want to end up there...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi and Welcome!
It's really hard to come to terms with the fact that we are alcoholics. Talking to your dr is always a good idea because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
Your body doesn't differentiate between beer, wine or other liquor. Alcohol is alcohol. Stopping drinking is a scary thought, but know that you can do it. It would be nice to have your husband's support, but many of us are on our own regarding family support. It might be an idea to ask your husband to not drink around you, or you could go into a different room while he is drinking.
It's really hard to come to terms with the fact that we are alcoholics. Talking to your dr is always a good idea because detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.
Your body doesn't differentiate between beer, wine or other liquor. Alcohol is alcohol. Stopping drinking is a scary thought, but know that you can do it. It would be nice to have your husband's support, but many of us are on our own regarding family support. It might be an idea to ask your husband to not drink around you, or you could go into a different room while he is drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi MaxKl
Welcome to SR
I'm not in AA but you'd be welcome at any meeting - I believe the closed meetings refer to loved ones etc.
Many of us here identify with stopping for a few days then starting again, often for no discernible reason, and with the idea of our lives revolving around drinking, and the fear of changing that. Many people here also deal with partners who still drink.
You're definitely not alone here - this is a place of great support, and we're glad to have you with us
I think your Dr would be a good first step too
D
Welcome to SR
I'm not in AA but you'd be welcome at any meeting - I believe the closed meetings refer to loved ones etc.
Many of us here identify with stopping for a few days then starting again, often for no discernible reason, and with the idea of our lives revolving around drinking, and the fear of changing that. Many people here also deal with partners who still drink.
You're definitely not alone here - this is a place of great support, and we're glad to have you with us
I think your Dr would be a good first step too
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
A 'closed' meeting is for alcoholics only. The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. Open meetings can be attended by anyone, whether or not they have a drinking problem. Closed is alkies only.
Welcome to SR!
Welcome to SR!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Max! I'm so glad you reached out for help. I was so alone when I found SR. Once I started to read and post here, I got up the courage to quit. That was almost 4 yrs. ago. You can do this, too.
Most of us can relate to not being able to stop once we start. In the end, I couldn't make a move without having it in my system - I'd take it with me wherever I went. I never dreamed it would come to that. This never has to happen to you - congratulations on your decision.
Most of us can relate to not being able to stop once we start. In the end, I couldn't make a move without having it in my system - I'd take it with me wherever I went. I never dreamed it would come to that. This never has to happen to you - congratulations on your decision.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Hellertown, PA
Posts: 33
You sound so much like me. I'm also a married mom of three, and I also haven't gotten up the courage to "officially" quit drinking. I don't want to even tell anyone that I have a problem (including my doctor), because I'm afraid that will hold me accountable.
I know I'm not being very encouraging, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm also very confused as to where to even start. But like others have said, I'm finding this site to be a very helpful thing.
I know I'm not being very encouraging, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm also very confused as to where to even start. But like others have said, I'm finding this site to be a very helpful thing.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR!
You don't have to call yourself anything you don't want to. All you need is the desire to quit and a direction to go in and you are set.
I definitely would check out AA. The best thing about AA is it's everywhere and easy to find a meeting whenever you want. There are good meetings and less good meetings, so don't feel afraid to try a couple different ones out and try to keep an open mind. You don't have to share anything when you go, if called on just say that you're there to listen. You don't have to call yourself an alcoholic. If you need more tips check this website out:
Your First AA Meeting<
Also continue to hang out here and read and post. Reading other people's posts helps me out a lot.
Whatever you do, I wouldn't recommend doing it alone. It's somewhere between 'tough' and 'impossible' trying to quit without the support and guidance of others. SR is a great place to find support. You may also obtain a sponsor at AA if that's something you are interested in eventually: someone with a certain amount of sobriety under their belt that can help you work the 12 steps.
I also like the suggestion of looking for a chemical dependency counselor, or a therapist that specializes in addiction. I have been seeing a therapist for several months now and that's been helping me develop more healthy coping skills.
Best of luck to you, we will be here to support you. You are among friends here.
You don't have to call yourself anything you don't want to. All you need is the desire to quit and a direction to go in and you are set.
I definitely would check out AA. The best thing about AA is it's everywhere and easy to find a meeting whenever you want. There are good meetings and less good meetings, so don't feel afraid to try a couple different ones out and try to keep an open mind. You don't have to share anything when you go, if called on just say that you're there to listen. You don't have to call yourself an alcoholic. If you need more tips check this website out:
Your First AA Meeting<
Also continue to hang out here and read and post. Reading other people's posts helps me out a lot.
Whatever you do, I wouldn't recommend doing it alone. It's somewhere between 'tough' and 'impossible' trying to quit without the support and guidance of others. SR is a great place to find support. You may also obtain a sponsor at AA if that's something you are interested in eventually: someone with a certain amount of sobriety under their belt that can help you work the 12 steps.
I also like the suggestion of looking for a chemical dependency counselor, or a therapist that specializes in addiction. I have been seeing a therapist for several months now and that's been helping me develop more healthy coping skills.
Best of luck to you, we will be here to support you. You are among friends here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
max,
Glad you're here at SR.
You've taken a major hurdle recognizing drinking is personally problematic, your family history, and posting here.
That's a great start.
This place helped me a ton, when I decided to quit last April. Coming her, reading everyday, and posting.
I found AA meetings really helpful also. There's something dynamic about face to face support . Try out different meetings, until you find one you're really comfortable with,
.....if Plano has more than one, that is.
Living sober has been the best decision.
Drinking had become something I waded into, and eventually just took over my life, really.
Labels , like self proclaiming "alchoholics," are really just that. Labels. They're really a non-issue in my book. I'd developed a wicked dependency, and drank more than I "wanted" to just about every time (alcohol abuse)
I've read the "abuse" and "dependency" are two different problems. Knowing I had both was not a good sign.
Again, ....welcome to SR !
Glad you're here at SR.
You've taken a major hurdle recognizing drinking is personally problematic, your family history, and posting here.
That's a great start.
This place helped me a ton, when I decided to quit last April. Coming her, reading everyday, and posting.
I found AA meetings really helpful also. There's something dynamic about face to face support . Try out different meetings, until you find one you're really comfortable with,
.....if Plano has more than one, that is.
Living sober has been the best decision.
Drinking had become something I waded into, and eventually just took over my life, really.
Labels , like self proclaiming "alchoholics," are really just that. Labels. They're really a non-issue in my book. I'd developed a wicked dependency, and drank more than I "wanted" to just about every time (alcohol abuse)
I've read the "abuse" and "dependency" are two different problems. Knowing I had both was not a good sign.
Again, ....welcome to SR !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: TX
Posts: 20
I wanted to thank you all for your comments, suggestions, welcome, support and encouragement. I'm at work at the moment, so have to keep this short (yesterday I worked from home, but today I had to come in to the office), but I wanted to let you all know I did read everything, and am already looking into some of my options to help me succeed at this. I am going to try and log in later tonight once I get the kids fed and off doing their homework!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome MaxKl -
That's the way it was for me, too. All the plotting and planning, getting over hangovers, hiding the evidence, finding ways to be alone and drink in peace......and trying to function "normally" on top of it all..... 
Things will get better. Just do what you need to do today to stay sober. Coming here really helps. Get whatever additional support you need, too. You can do it!
I feel like my whole life somehow revolves around it
Things will get better. Just do what you need to do today to stay sober. Coming here really helps. Get whatever additional support you need, too. You can do it!
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