Angsty

I stumbled on this site today and would swear I've never seen it before. After lurking and reading for a few hours, I decided to post about how I don't WANT to quit drinking, but I'm beginning to realize I may NEED to. When I tried to set up an account, it said that my email address was already registered. Huh? I had the site send me my user name... and it all came back to me.

Yep, I've been here before. Two years and two weeks ago. I joined 7/29/09, started a thread, got scared, and never came back (until today). And you know what I wrote that day? A thread entitled, "Flirting with quitting... but not convinced I need to."

Reading through that thread chilled me. Back then, I wrote, "I don't "crave" alcohol and can go days, weeks, or however long without it, but when I do drink, I almost always drink too much."

Now, I drink every day. A lot every day. My hubby recently suggested that I cut back to only drinking on the weekends. I made it through Monday by gritting my teeth... Tuesday, I was back at it, and I haven't stopped since. (Not constant drinking, just every evening.) Matter of fact, it's evening time right now... wonder if this will be my Day 1? Could I possibly do it? Am I ready?

When people warned me that alcoholism is a progressive disease, now I understand what they meant. Oh, crap.

Where do I begin? How do I begin??? What do I do now???

Dee74

Welcome back Angsty

I think posting here - and posting regularly- is a good start

I think seeing your Dr is also a good move - especially if you've been drinking regularly for a while.

Have you given any thought to recovery programmes Angsty? A lot of folks here swear by them...

D

artsoul

Welcome Angsty - I'm really glad you found this place (again!). I never thought I'd be a daily drinker either and fought like heck to manage it. I should have believed what I learned in treatment years ago: it never gets better.

I didn't want to quit either, but once I had some sober time, I realized my addiction was making all the decisions and it became obvious how sick I'd become.

Keep reading and posting. At first, it's a matter of taking sobriety one day at a time, getting lots of support, and trust that it will get better. (Also see a doctor if you have withdrawal symptoms - it's the best way to be safe).
:ghug3

least

Welcome back! I didn't want to quit drinking either, tho I knew I should. I finally gave it up for good and now it's been twenty months! And I feel better than I have in ages. I wish you well in your sober journey.

Anna

Well, I think you have begun by coming (back) here and posting.

For me, changing my daily routines really helped a lot in the early days. If you normally drink in the evening, then go out after supper. I started going for long walks. Do something that takes your mind off drinking, even just for a few minutes.

You might want to find more support with a counsellor or AA meetings.

There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.

Angsty

Hi Dee.

I texted my best friend this morning that I think I might need to check out AA. She said she'll go with me if I want her to... so maybe that's where I start. There's a meeting 2 blocks from my house that I pass every morning on my way to work. Seems "easy" enough.

I'll talk to my husband tonight, after we get home from my niece's birthday dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Knowing my family, it's going to be a huge margarita-fest. Test 1, here I come.

Angsty

Thanks to Anna, Least, and Artsoul, too- you posted while I was replying to Dee!!!

recoverywfaith

back to SR...good recovery plan.

SSIL75

If it makes you feel any better, I don't know what my name means I was plastered when I first registered and then did the same thing as you a little while later. Posted, got scared, left for ages. I'd occasionally browse when drunk and I'd selectively read all the post about people who were so much 'worse' than me. Tell myself I wasn't that bad yet and continue on my merry way.

For me choosing to quit was choosing to live. Truly it's wonderful. I'm not in any formal recovery program although I did use some Rational Recovery tools at the start.

Really accepting that I'll never feel satisfied while drinking in moderation was pivotal. "Can't live with it, MUST live without it".

Welcome back!

ACT10Npack

Calling out for help is a good place to start. Go see your doctor and a blood/ficsal test. After that ask about a drug/alcohol counselor. They way you can get the right help.

sugarbear1

Welcome back!

Angsty

Thanks, everyone. I made it through tonight's dinner with flying colors- didn't struggle, didn't mind my family members drinking, just kept myself busy. I think that's going to be the key.

I'm not ready to hit an AA meeting yet- I want to talk to my hubby first but he's up to his neck in a work project and I'm doing ok for now, so I'll let it wait for another day. Planning to get up and go for a run in the morning- something I'm usually too "tired" (aka, hungover) to do.

Thanks for being here, and for being so welcoming. I WILL be back posting tomorrow. For now, I'll just say...

1 day down!

eJoshua

Hi Angsty!

I loved reading your story, thanks for sharing. I'm really happy that you are back here. Keep posting.

I'm excited by your honesty. The fact that you are so honest with yourself now, looking back at what you wrote before, is a great asset to you. Only when we stop lying to ourselves can we face the truth and seek out recovery.

You will find lots of support here, so stick around. AA is a great idea and I'm glad to hear that you're open to checking it out.

Best of luck in your recovery! Stay strong, your life is worth fighting for.