sissy07

Hi Everyone,

I posted for the first time today, and have been reading it all afternoon....this website and all of you wonderful, understanding people will help me I am sure. After reading the posts that I have read, I know that I need to start going to AA meetings, but I am just so nervous about it. I went to rehab 23 years ago (I am a 58 year old female), was sober for 7 years, drank for 3, sober for 8 years, and have been drinking since I moved here from the other side of the country four years ago (divorce). I totally isolate, and I know that is part of my problem - I have no friends outside of work (the job I expect to get laid off from). I used to go to AA, but it just seems so foreign to me now. Do I have to talk? Do I have to take a chip the first time I go? Is it ok just to leave after the end and not stay and talk? I am only 5 days sober and just really, really scared of what people will think of me, and I just don't want to do anything inappropriate or that may alienate me from the group. Thanks. Man, this is tough!

ACT10Npack

Why not seek professional help like a drug/alcohol counselor?

Anna

I hope that you find answers to your questions and I wish you well.

Squizz

I've been going to AA since March 3rd, 2006. I still feel uncomfortable at meetings sometimes. But once I leave, I always feel a lot better. It does take some getting used to, but the rewards are plentiful.

eJoshua

Just go. You don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. You don't have to stay afterwards. You don't have to take a chip. You don't have to say anything. Just go and listen. I'm sure that you'll feel better after you do.

We're always here to listen and provide support as well. Congratulations on deciding to reclaim your sobriety and welcome to the board.

Best wishes

sissy07

Thanks for the idea, but I can't affford it right now.

eJoshua

BTW, my only friends now are the people I've met in recovery and my parents, so I feel your pain about feeling alone. The great thing is they are fantastic people. Recovering addicts and alcoholics are some of the nicest, down to earth, least pretentious people I know.

sissy07

You are right about that - you just made me remember that. Wow - thanks.

wellwisher

Welcome to SR....

I found the solution to my isolation was to surround myself with people. What better way than to meet with others in the rooms in a new community and who share a common goal?

As I see it, a win, win!

I spent quite a few meetings at first with my mouth closed. For me, it was my mouth that usually got me in the most trouble in my life, so it was time for me to do something different. I always pulled something away from those meetings that contributed to my sobriety, just by listening.

I started with the Closed meetings, but found I gravitated to the Step Meetings and Big Book meetings. I also attended different meetings within a three town radius.

What's the worst that can happen if you chose to go?

What I find to be fantastic is that SR is available now, too. A great sounding board filled with compassionate people who really care.

Welcome aboard!

CarolD

I do make a point of attending meetings 3 or 4 times a week...
I'm always thrilled when I see a new person walk in...

Welcome to SR...



.

artsoul

Like Carol said, they'll just want to help and support you. After all, they're all there for the same reason. Frankly, I think sober alcoholics are some of the coolest people......

Everyone in AA felt the same way at one time. You may find that you really love it!

EmpressSuperego

I have been to several AA meetings over the past years and have found everyone to be friendly and approachable, however I do have a few relatively minor concerns. People tend to say that in AA you don't need to say or do anything you don't wish to, however I have found that before sharing it is customary to refer to yourself as an alcoholic before stating one's name. For those of us struggling with coming to terms with the notion of being an alcoholic, the prospect of referring to oneself as such in open, is daunting. I have also found myself uncomfortable holding hands with strangers at the end of meetings while a prayer is recited.

I am aware that all meetings are different and have different rituals, but I find some of them be offputting. But if the alternative is to keep abusing alcohol, I guess I would rather suffer some social discomfort. That aside, AA meetings aren't so scary at all.

yor5150

I can identify with feeling uncomfortable at meetings. I sometimes remind myself that I have made a decision to attend a meeting no matter how uncomfortable I feel. Having made a decision I then act on it by sitting in my chair no matter how much I want to get up and leave or how uncomfortable I feel. Saying the serenity prayer helps me too.

I've recently picked up my meeting attendance after a painful period of complacency so I'm going through meeting new people and learning how to be social again. I isolated far too long and reverted to my old ways... I'm very thankful I didn't pick up.

In short I have become willing to do things I really don't want to do because my staying clean and having any kind of quality life depends on it.

I hope you decide to go to meetings, whether you stay for the entire meeting, speak, or do anything but just attend. I would venture that it will get easier as time goes by. You are worth it!

CaiHong

Hi Sissy,
I will be 58 this year, newly sober coming up to 3 months soon. I am quite isolated myself here where I work. AA has opened up a new network of friends that was unavailable to me before. It is more difficult to find and make friends especially as one gets older I think but at AA I have found some people who have been wonderful, especially in the first months. I really needed that support of being able to call someone when I felt the urge for a drink or feelings of anger, whatever what was bothering me at the time. I think by going to meetings will not only help you to get sober but also provide much needed friends to share the burden, it certainly worked for me.
CaiHong

sugarbear1

You can just say your name. You can pass at talking. You don't have to do anything you don't want to!

Try listening to aa speakers online. Or go to aa chatroom online.

Those people at the meetings remember being new, too. Some are still nervous. They go to save their life and to be there for the new person.

Welcome to SR!

hector

Hi again, sissy, glad you're still here asking questions.

Sugarbear's right, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Remember, everyone there went to their first meeting once. We were all newcomers once. Almost (?) all of us were uncomfortable and nervous.

At my first few meetings I said "My name is Harold and I might be an alcoholic." It was enough.

If you want a chip but don't want to do it in front of everybody, ask the chairperson for one after the meeting has closed. If you want, arrive as the meeting is starting and leave as the closing prayer is being said. Pass if asked to speak. Try to be comfortable, the people there want to help. Helping you helps us.

Keep coming back. Austin is a big city, there's a meeting there you'll like.

sugarbear1

The guy at today's meeting said he didn't want to be there and felt uncomfortable, but he comes for the new people. Welcome home! And, no, you don't have to be in or say the prayer circle. It does symbolize that together we can do what we can't do alone. Those people are like us, the people on Sober Recovery!

JimE

I felt real uncomfortable going at first too. The bit about sharing or talking in meetings scared me. I found a candlelight meeting where they turn the lights off and light candles around the room. That helped me not to be so timid and after I shared a couple of times I felt better. You don't have to say anything though, I found the folks there to be very friendly.

littlefish

If you are at a meeting where they go around the room, you can just say you prefer to listen. At other meetings people volunteer to talk and are not called on.
Some meetings don't even practice the chip tradition. I go to two meetings where the group has decided chips are too expensive to have for the size and economy of the group, so they are simply not part of the meeting agenda. Also, a lot of people don't like chips and don't participate in that tradition even if they go to meetings that include chip distribution. You can follow the tradition or not, it is a personal decision.
Absolutely.

iliveforyou

Hi Sissy I have been to many AA/NA meeting. You can just introduce yourself, it's usually "Hi, I'm so&so and I'm an alcoholic or addict" You don't have to talk, you can just go and listen until you feel comfortable sharing. There is no pressure and you have nothing to lose by checking out a meeting I hope that you are able to try it out. It's not for everyone (including myself in the end) but AA/NA has helped countless people

-Jess