Phillyphan8811

Help Etc.

Good afternoon,
Clearly I have a problem and my drinking was getting out of hand. I find myself waking up in regret on the weekends and I end up drinking away my hangovers.

This is not the life I want to live. I’m also very active. I enjoy running, playing sports, and going to the gym.
My issues lie in the fact that my friends are all drinkers. Once Friday night hits they all go out. I want to know what to suggest for other options. I want to get my life together.

My roommate is a responsible drinker who has a vast collection of booze. I don’t seem to have a problem if I never start. Do I need to get away from my social circle all together? Do I need to get out of that house?
I’ve been wasting my weekends for 3 day binges and it needs to stop. I went to my first AA meeting on Tuesday and felt the environment really helped. I’m also exploring counseling.

Thanks Everyone,

JOE

EmeraldRose

I learned in rehab that it was best to change your playmates/playground -not easiest but best. If you are trying to quit the best thing to do is eliminate the temptation -whatever that may be.
If you have other options to move then maybe you should consider it for a time. If you think you can stay with all the tempting booze and friends -then stay. You have to set a goal for yourself. Where do you want to be this time next year or even next month? If you want change you have to initiate it. Creating ideas and acting on them are two different things. Both good but if you want to change where you are in our life you need to rethink where you are now.

Phillyphan8811

I guess my options are limited. I feel like in the future I will only be able to date sober girls. I just don't want to be around. I've gone out and not drank in the past. I guess my issue is if I go out to a bar and get food it seems like a bad idea. The sole purpose of going there for everyone else is to drink.

People tell me "you don't have a problem". These seem like people i need to cut off ties too. They're good friends though.

Mark75

Don't worry about the future too much... really, this will all work out for you, in time. Yea, you probably want to stay out of bars and away from people who guzzle alcohol. Take the time you need to get recovered, sober, whatever... the answers will come.

Welcome to SR!!

EmeraldRose

There is a difference between friends and drinking buddies. Once you quit you'll be surprised how many of your bar buddies aren't really there for you.
As far as dating goes...they say you shouldn't jump into dating and relationships if you are newly sober. Work on yourself. Get to know who you are sober.
I look at it this way...I have enough baggage of my own and still am in no shape to deal with someone else's. I've been separated for a year and haven't dated at all. There is just enough going on in my life to have to worry about another life, too.
Whatever you chose...the best to you.

Phillyphan8811

My issues lie in being alone really. I need to get new friends. I don't know if I even trust myself to go to sporting events. I have tickets to an Eagles game in November and don't know if I want to go.

EmeraldRose

November! It's only August....alot can happen in that time. If you wait long enough like say the day before you could sell them for a million dollars! Hehe

Phillyphan8811

I suppose your right, it's hard for me to look short tearm. Although, it appears, that is what I should do.

artsoul

Hi Joe - and welcome to the forum....

I finally had to accept that for me "one drink was too many and 1000 wasn't enough." I always wanted "just one more." After a while it became a vicious cycle of drinking and recovering, only to drink again.

I hung out with drinkers, too (didn't even realize there was another world out there!). I had to stop doing that for a while, until I felt comfortable being sober. I can be around those people now and go to different functions, though if it's a drunk-fest, I always pass. It doesn't interest me anymore.

Just take it one day at a time and get all the support you can. If we can do it, you can too!

Phillyphan8811

I appreciate the help, everyone. It definitely has always been all or nothing for me. On top of that, every event i did had to be something I made into drinking.

Dee74

Hi Phillyphan

When I quit I had so many worries about what might happen - would I lose my friends, did I have to move because I drank at home all day, what would happen if I met a girl...what about social occasions....etc etc

I learned pretty quickly it was best to live in the day about all that kind of stuff or go mental.

Make plans, sure, but todays the only day we can really do anything about, so I found it was best to try and let my thinking reflect that.

I focused on getting sober, then staying that way - and believe it or not all the other stuff fell into place - almost none of it was what I expected LOL but I'm still thrilled with the outcome nearly 5 years on

You'll find a lot of support here - good to have you with us
Welcome!

D

Phillyphan8811

Thanks, everyone I appreciate it.

It's going to be my firstweekend sober in a long time. I'm going to the gym for two hours after work and then my parents to catch up on the HBO sunday lineup as well as breaking bad. Oh yeah, and to see my Jack Russell.

Saturday I'm going to the gym and my friend's house who obstains to play some boardgames.

SindyLuhu

That sounds like a good plan for the weekend. My first weekend sober I mapped out things to do to stay away from old habits. Stay strong over the weekend and you will wake up Monday feeling so empowered (not to mention feeling really good)!

Phillyphan8811

Anything is better than how I woke up last monday :-)

Anna

You have the right idea, making a plan to help you get through the weekend.

Often major changes in friends and activities are necessary in early recovery and it's good that you are open to making changes.

Try not to look too far into the future because it can be a bit overwhelming.

Phillyphan8811

That could explain my anxiety.

Threshold

Here is what I'd try. Talk to your good friends. First, tell them that you are no longer drinking, at all. Then keep in touch, and suggest activities that you can do together that are not focused on drinking. The good friends, who enjoy your company for it's own sake, and like you, will support you and be happy to spend time with you.

If being around people who are drinking is too much for you now, just be honest and bow out of those activities. Again, your friends will understand.

I have to forgo some activities, work parties, block parties, etc because I'm not cool with being around people who are drinking/using while they are doing so. But these people are still my friends, we have nice times together doing other things and they don't hold this against me at all. I don't judge them and they don't judge me.