Pigtails

I've read that one of the two medical indicators of alcoholism is physical dependence on alcohol. I don't really have this. I mean sometimes I get hangovers, but they're not nearly as bad physically as some of my friends get. And I don't really get tremors, shakes, vomiting, etc. from hangovers or from not drinking... not really even headaches. More just like, feeling really tired and zombie-like and heavy-headed and sore/stiff during hangovers, and nothing but feeling really really tired when I'm not drinking.

One of the things that led me to want to stop drinking, though, was how bad emotionally I was feeling during my hangovers. I was so depressed and even having suicidal thoughts. Life just felt pointless and empty and I was mad at myself for wasting so much time and doing stupid stuff while drunk. Overall I was more depressed and in a bad place emotionally then I think I've ever been. I didn't like where my life was at at all, and I finally put two and two together and realized it was due in large part to drinking. And when I'm not drinking/aiming for sobriety, I've had a lot of emotional issues and depression, and mental obsession with alcohol.

Is it possible that instead of being physically dependent on alcohol I'm emotionally dependent on it? Would that still classify me as an alcoholic or no, since I don't have signs of being physically dependent and when I stop I don't have many physical signs, except for being really tired? I mean, I have bad headaches when I stop drinking coffee... so, am I more addicted to coffee than alcohol? I can't figure this one out.

sugarbear1

You are the only one who can decide if you are alcoholic or not. See your doctor. Welcome!

Hardtofind

I was a problem drinker until I started experiencing physical withdrawls a few weeks ago. I wish I quit while it was just a "problem" before the dependency. Why wait? Like sugar said, you have to be the one to decide what label to give it.

ajangel

As sugarbear and hardtofind said, only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. I think the main issue here is that you want to quit drinking. Forget the label. If you are not happy with how alcohol makes you feel, quit. Good luck

MycoolFitz

Alcohol impacts brain chemistry and is a mood alterator. It can impact different people in different ways--phyisically, mentally and emotionally. Its a depressant also even though it can make people feel "up". If you suffer from depression or anxiety alcohol may mask the symptoms somewhat while at the same time increase the depression and anxiety. I don't think its unusual to experience emotional symptoms prior to the onset of physical ones. I agree check with your doctor or therapist for professional insight especially if suicial thoughts are present. Mental and emotional health is definately as important as physical health and deserves the same profesional care. My best to you.

Mariano

I think that may be physical dependence. Not all alcoholics have shakes, sweats, tremors or vomiting. I don't have these symptoms, but I am definitely an alcoholic. And I have mild physical dependence: insomnia, headaches, tiredness... when I quit drinking.

Pigtails

Thank you everyone. I think my mind starts to give me reasons why I can drink, and then fights with itself and gives itself reasons why it can't. I'm thankful for the objective input.

Mariano- I love Spain , I lived in Madrid for a year and traveled all over.

Hardtofind

Perhaps label was the wrong word. Label sounds degrading, so sorry about that. I wish you luck. For me, saying I'm an addict, alcoholic, or whatever gives a name to my battle and reinforces my need to abstain. I guess for my personally, I don't find it a bad thing. Just an assessment of where my lifestyle led me over to years.

least

To me, it doesn't matter what you call it, only that it's down to you to decide if your life would be better without alcohol. And if you're not actually dependent on it, why wait until you are to quit? Quitting now might be easier than waiting until it's a huge problem.

Schwaber77

I think the fact that you are on here asking the question is an indication of something whether it's physical or mental. My opinion is that even if it's just mental dependence, it can be a sign (maybe an early sign) of alcoholism.

Quitting now will likely be much easier then when you are phyically addicted, I don't think there is any question there. I am glad that I quit when I did. I know that I was mentally (probably still am) addicted and in probably the early-mid stages of physical (mood swings, anxiety, minimal shakes, etc...) but I didn't have any of the commonly known withdrawal sysmptoms, just some cravings, irritability, depression, etc...

I also think that the emotional dependence is directly related to physical dependence. As mycoolfitz stated, it does affect brain chemistry. If the brain and body are making adjustments to compensate for the presence or lack of alcohol (probably the latter, your body is always adjusting when it is exposed to new substances but if it has to adjust to try and make you feel good because of a lack of something that it's used to, well then...), then that is a sign of physical dependence, your body is physically changing to adapt to it in one way or another.

I am not trying to imply that you are an alcohlic, as stated by others, that is a decision you have to make on your own.

If you think that you may have a problem and you're addressing it now, more power to you. I was proud of myself addressing it when I did, before loosing everything and am in my early 30's. I still have a chance with my current job, my family, my home, and so on. A lot of people are not that fortunate but it sounds like you are seeing it before hitting the lows that I and others have encountered before waking up and realizing.

In any case, when we achieve sobriety and win battles with our demons, we are all fortunate that we are succeeding, no matter what had happened leading up to that point.

The past is done, we can't change that and tomorrow is not here yet so why worry, we need to just focus on the now.

H3art

Hey Pigtails!
I had that battle in my head for a long time, it's like a nagging voice that tells you that you are fine to have some. It looks for every excuse in the book, to let you have control again. I just have to remember that it is not my choice to make. It never has been even when I was drinking. If I pick up I will destroy everything in my path as usual and regret it later, ugh. I too get very depressed when I stop drinking, I definitely have a strong emotional relationship with alcohol and did not really think about it that way until I read your post, so Thank You! I am going to turn over my power to drink and I am going to make this the last time I do so!

sugarbear1

Average drinkers don't consider this stuff. Welcome home.

Stay stopped now cause it all gets worse (for me).

Best wishes!

Pigtails

I'm super analytical but lack action. I mean in all areas of my life including this. I mean, I go through the motions-- I have an advanced degree and a "successful" prestigious-looking career, but, I've just done the minimum it takes to get me here, always restless and thinking about what else I wish I could be doing, and over-analyzing everything in my mind. And when it comes to other areas of my life where I'd like to do things-- writing, being more organized, being healthier and happier emotionally, working out and losing weight-- I either half-#ss it or do nothing at all, while all the time having these great goals and plans I don't follow through with.

I hadn't thought about the fact that if I don't stay stopped now, I could develop this physical dependence I've read about. I guess I figured it was all or nothing, forgetting that it's progressive. And worried about whether I've pickled, without realizing that it probably doesn't matter... if I'm meant to pickle, I'll pickle if I don't stop drinking, right? It's not like someone "on the road" to being an alcoholic can suddenly turn around before they've pickled, and change their drinking style and stay a cucumber, right? I mean, I'm either an alcoholic or I'm not, and if I am, there's no stopping me except by not drinking. So maybe the pickle analogy has deceived me, because I've been thinking about it in terms of, have I pickled, is it too late? When maybe the more appropriate focus is, well, if I haven't pickled, there's a big chance I will, and why press my luck.

I just wish I could get out of being stuck in my thought processes. It's like analysis paralysis. When I don't drink I have periods of euphoria-life is great, I'm much healthier and happier-followed by cycles of irritability, anger and annoyance... things that just aren't like me at all. I hate myself sober sometimes as much as I hated myself drunk at times! But sometimes I love myself sober, for real, and I can't say I've ever loved myself drunk, for real... more like I got caught up in the illusion, fake happiness feeling of it all, but I knew/know it wasn't real. So that's the one reason I keep trying. Yet I forget about that and start to think I'm just obsessing and I'll be fine. I feel trapped in this cycle. Of feeling sorry for myself and not knowing what to do. It's pathetic really. Thanks everyone for the help.

Soberpotamus

The way you describe yourself sounds a whole lot like me! And I had the same physical & emotional symptoms as you... and I do think I was an alcoholic. Remember, our genetics, neurochemistry and metabolism are all a little different... hence, the different effects. Plus, add in environment... and then things really get interesting.

Is alcohol causing you distress? If so, you might want to consider yourself as having a problem. And then commit yourself to doing something about it... whatever works for you, grab onto that and do it.

Also... I just wanted to add this: When I realized that my addiction to alcohol had turned me into a bitter, angry b**** I knew it had to stop. The down side just wasn't worth any sort of buzz, cheap high, euphoria... the euphoria was short-lived. Once I woke up the next day, life hit me all over again and my choice became rather clear... (1) drink again, or (2) stop this nonsense.

sugarbear1

Intellectualizing isn't action. Getting into action is what I finally did.

Pigtails

I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Yes, it causes me distress. But drinking it causes me distress, and not drinking it causes me distress.

Thank you.

Schwaber77

"When maybe the more appropriate focus is, well, if I haven't pickled, there's a big chance I will, and why press my luck."

I like your thinking here!

Pigtails

I agree and that's why I'm frustrated with myself. My brain has always been my biggest asset and my biggest enemy. I can't seem to get over it!

What did you do to get into action?

Soberpotamus

Which distress is greater? Where's the tipping point on the scale? And look carefully...

Pigtails

Thanks. I need to stick to this type of thinking, plus add some action. Instead I seem to slide into thinking "But I've never had anything that bad happen to me, and good thing I woke up to it, because now I can control it." But I know I am just plain lucky and/or blessed that nothing that bad has happened to me due to drinking. Some bad things, which are enough, and even bigger is the fact that nothing great has happened to me due to drinking. I have been denying myself opportunities and the chance to be who I want to be. I know this. Yet then comes the part of my brain that says, you're fine. I want to put a muzzle on that part.