RyanRed

Hung out with my buddy today. Its the first time I've been around someone drinking whom I have a huge drinking past with. I was a bit nervous at first, but he totally respected my sobriety. He even offered to drink from a glass instead of a can, but it actually didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Great friend! Most of the time we sat around and filled each other in on what we both have been doing the last 3 months. The topic of my sobriety seemed to hold most of the topics though. He really does respect my sobriety I'm finding out, and this in-turn is a great feeling. But I will never under estimate my own personal addiction to alcohol, and never take that for granted. While I continue to live life sober, and begin to socialize again, I wont ever be afraid to step away from an environment if I feel threatened by it. Being sober is who I am now, and that's what's important to me now.

It was great to get out of the house too. I've been hiding most of the 3 months I've been sober. Learning to live life sober is a WHOLE new way of living. But I seem to be progressing forward. Brownie point for me!



This is just one more step on my journey of recovery

Stay strong people!

-Ryan

Soberpotamus

WTG, Ryan.

It's great hearing how you're getting out and about now after your 3 months. It's one of those things I'm wondering about myself... what it's going to be like once I venture out and start mingling again.

And it's great you have such a wonderful and respectful friend. Thanks for sharing

Pigtails

Were you guys at a bar? I guess I wonder why he was drinking in front of you for the first time you guys re-caught up, if he respects your sobriety? Why couldn't he just have a coke or something?

I'm glad that you were able to feel comfortable talking to him and stay strong. But what if you were feeling weak? Not that it would be his fault if you drank but I would think he should be a bit more sensitive.

I don't know. Maybe I just expect too much from people. In the past I have told my sister how I struggle with trying to stay sober, how today is day 6 (or whatever) without a drink but every day I want one, and she'll respond with something like, "Good for you! I'm on my second beer right now!" or "Yay! I'll toast to you when I'm out with my friends later."

I know it shouldn't matter what our friends/family members do or don't say, but I struggle with wondering how they can treat alcohol so nonchalantly when it is so challenging for us. Do they just not understand how hard it is to not drink? (At least for me, it is.) I'm sorry if this isn't on topic with your thread but it's something I've been wondering about. Congratulations on staying sober and for a good night with your buddy!

RyanRed

Nope at his house.

He drinks, and that's fine by me. I don't expect him to recalibrate his choices because of mine. Like I said before, if I felt I couldn't be around it, I would have left. I even told him that before I came over.

I also dont want people to CHANGE on my behalf. When that starts to happen, I would feel like a 5th wheel. People who have to CHANGE their everyday choices not only are fake, but not being themselves. Being around someone drinking 2 months ago would have been extremely hard, but I wouldn't have put myself in that situation. I want people do be real around me, and that is way more respectful then people putting on a mask hiding their personal choices. People are going to be drinking around me for the rest of my life, so I will need to learn to live with that. But in reality, I'm set on never drinking again. My choice to never drink again is very powerful.

If I want to be successful in relearning to live sober, I can't expect the world to change because of me, nor would I want that. I am part of this world, but sadly (lol) it doesn't revolve around me (I did thought it did when drinking though lol). This is all part of living sober in a drinking world .

-Ryan

Pigtails

I see. I'm not as far along as you are and I've learned that I can't be around people who are drinking or even talk to people who are drinking or that triggers me to drink too and I'm not strong enough right now so I have to avoid triggers as much as possible. So it's not that I want them (really just my sister, I don't care about the rest) to change but I don't want to not be around her or talk to her either because that would be so hard for me. I mean in my messed up head when she says, "Oh I'm having a drink right now" it starts to get me to think, hey, she's my sister and we're so much alike and she's drinking and she's fine, so, I can drink too. It seems like whenever I talk to her about not drinking she talks about drinking! So it doesn't help, talking to her. I guess maybe I need to just stop talking to her about it. :-/ I wish I were strong enough to be around people drinking and have it not trigger me but it does. So I admire you but I'm not not there yet.

Reset

I'm happy for you, Ryan. Sounds like you're really on the right footing.

RyanRed

Bud, I hate to say it, but shes not being supportive to you at all. In my first month of getting sober I couldn't be around drinking at ALL! So I totally know what you mean. I actually expected EVERYONE and EVERYTHING to respect my choice and be supportive. Sadly, that's just a false reality.

I did cut a lot of people out of my life when first getting sober. I had too. Mainly the ones that didn't seem to GET what I was going though. People like your sister. While she is your sister, I really think you need to distant yourself from her right now. Shes basically mocking your choice to get sober, and frankly that's just rude.

As you continue on down this road you will start to feel more comfortable with yourself, and in-turn be able to deal with stuff like that a lot easier. But it takes time. Being 6 days sober, your still extremely sensitive, and I would evade all things alcohol for sure! Talk to people who understand, and avoid those who don't for now. But I promise you this, it does get easier!! Just don't give in, or you will have to restart all over. Trust me, you don't want to do that. It's counter reductive anyways :P. I do know that first week is always hell though. But life is soooooooooo sweet sober. I cant begin to explain how better this feels. The hardest part for me now, is learning to live sober. Its hard sometimes, but the rewards are far better than 1.5 bottles of vodka a night.

Keep moving forward! You'll get though all this if you really want it. And trust me you do!

-Ryan

Reset

what Ryan said

ajangel

Thank you for the positive post Ryan. You are a great motivator for us newly sober. Congrats on 3 months.

Terminally Unique

I had to be in a house with alcohol in plain sight every day since day one, so I can't entirely relate, but that is probably the best way to be in that situation for the first time. Certainly more calm to be with one person that you know than being at a party or at a bar where everyone is drinking.

As far as expecting support from everyone, this may sound cold, but I don't think that it is a good idea to expect that. For one thing, the reality is that alcohol is prevalent almost everywhere, and these are the cards that we've been dealt. If staying sober hinged on support from the world, I don't think anyone would be able to pull it off.

For another, I really don't think that people who haven't been addicted to this stuff can imagine how it feels, and it may not be entirely realistic to expect them to be able to. I know that I couldn't imagine it before it happened to me. If you want to talk to people who understand it, that is what SR/AA/etc are for.

It is possible to desensitize yourself slowly, though. I used to watch detailed video reviews of my favorite type of drink on YouTube. That certainly would get the old "Beast" of buzz fired up, and it wasn't too pleasant, to be sure. It was relatively safe compared to, say, holding a bottle, though, and it did work. Over time, the images just wouldn't cause much of a stir.

Raptor

Hey Ryan, It was a really powerfull and productive message you posted today, and I thank you sincearly for this. One thing that rings true, that with time, it gets esier to deal with your own desires/demons with regards to your addictions around other folk. I found it extreamly difficult in the beginning to comprehent the fact that I "coudlnt" drink again, EVER. This would freak me out as drinking always played a pivital role in my life. As time elapsed and sobriety grew, it became esier to be around people who drank.

I still struggle some times with "the urge" to want to drink, especially at functions BUT..... Living life sober is truly a blessing from God and something i would not trade for a single day being drunk...

Keep going Ryan

alchy

Good for you and Congrats. I'm in the same boat today. Parents will be coming over with wine. I feel its the safest way to start to expose myself again. I know it will bother me to a degree. But. I know I won't drink and I know if I said it does bother me they wouldn't drink. There will be situations where I can't be in control of that.
I'm not sure if it's 'right or not and I'm a bit worried about it but its an inevitability.

Opivotal

I was very much like you Ryan...I WAS going to remain sober. No question in my mind. I was going to make sure I didn't drink no matter what. I skipped everything with alcohol involved. BBQ's, parties, reunions, friends, even relatives if alcohol was involved. I pretty much stayed home for 3 months. Sometimes it was hard, a little lonely, but I remained sober. That was the goal and the start of my new life. Nothing seemed as important as my goal. When I was strong enough, I started incorporating certain events. Also like you...if I felt in any way like I couldn't handle being around alcohol I would leave. I always had a plan. Staying sober was that important to me.

Congratulations to you for recognizing and dealing with your alcoholism in a positive fashion. Keep up the good work!!



Best Wishes To You!

Pigtails

Thanks, Ryan. Before I distance myself from my sister... which would be super, super hard because she's been my best friend since I was 2 years old and she was born .... I think I will try to have a good sit-down with her and explain what this means from me and what I need from her.

I think part of it is, she doesn't really get it, or she's afraid of what it could mean for her, because she has similar (though not nearly as bad as mine!) drinking issues, and part of it is it's probably really hard to take me seriously that I'm not drinking because it's been such a big part of my life. Maybe she's just trying to figure out how serious I am or thinks it's just a temporary thing (and why not? I've tried and failed before... so she's probably confused).

I've realized it takes huge steps and a total change of lifestyle for me to stay sober. If that means not talking to her for awhile, so be it, but I need her, so I think I will just explain to her, look, I'm really weak, and when I hear you talk about alcohol, I want some too, so can you try to not mention it for a month or so, just until I'm stronger? I think she can do that and it's not asking her to change in some huge way (that's the weird thing... I don't think she "normally" talks about how her own drinking to me that much... I think it's prompted by me talking about trying NOT to drink), just to try to be sensitive and supportive during this really hard time.

Thanks for the help Ryan. You're an inspiration.

Itchy

Ryan,
I appreciate your posts whenever I see them. Great inspiration for all of us, newly sober or not.

NoFireWater

Ryan, I'm so glad you got to get out again, and reconnect with a good friend at the same time. Even more glad it turned out to be a positive experience. Glad you have the kind of friend who respects your choices and will still be there for you. I agree, that I don't want other people to have to change because of my choices. I want to be strong enough in my choice to be around anyone, even if they're choosing to drink. I appreciate your upbeat posts as well

bigguyslimm

That's awesome to here. Today is my 50th day, and I can tell that the anxiety has died down a little. For you was the 3 month mark when things got back to normal?

Another

I can relate ryan, hrs in a beer garden here without one drink and all was merry. Even though I'd never say anything with regards to my friend drinking it is a new hope now that those close will see the positive qualities in our choice and discover themselves. We can change the world and anything is possible

icefrog

Hello Ryan and Thank you.