WeakLink

So the first 20 days were miserable and I didn't like it one bit. Then day 21 came along and I caved. It wasn't the 4 beers I was saving, I actually drove to the liquor store bought a 24 pack of beer, came home and put it in the fridge to get cold. Then I came on here and read your words of encouragement while I was waiting. After a while when I figured it would be cold enough (barely cooler than room temp) I got up and got myself one, then another, then another and so on. At first this morning I felt guilty, not really because I drank but because you were all so nice to me and I went and drank anyway. Then I remembered I'd been acting like an a-hole for the last month and so I figured I might as well act like one now too and stop giving a s***.

But anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who was nice to me, I don't get a lot of that these days. If I get the balls to give it another shot I will know where to come. thanks.

recoverywfaith

Suggestion: throw the booze out...keep reading/posting. Don't give up...take it one day at a time...don't take the first drink (or buy anymore booze)...think the drink thru to the consequences. I have relapses in my history too...you never have to go back out again...we recover together. Have you considered AA?

WeakLink

yeah, I thought about AA but decided against it because the last time I was in a support group (not alcohol related) there were 2 people in the group who I knew outside of the group and I really don't want to end up running into someone I know who goes and blabs to everyone that I was there.

holdfold

Classic 'fuggit' been there many times,... there is hope .... no reason to beat yourself up, treat it as a learning experience. Now you know that you cannot have booze in the house ... get rid of it ... stopping drinking is the start but it is important to get your head in the game and be part of a personal enlightenment ... there are many different groups out there catering to all life philosophies...

recoverywfaith

Maybe a different meeting? Or, utilize SR...as I know now there are other ways to recover. Have you looked into the links here at SR for other ways to maintaining your sobriety such as SMART?

hector

Keep coming back. Don't give up. Don't quit quitting. You need to learn how to live without booze, same as you needed to learn everything else you've ever learned. You learned how to tie your shoes: suppose after a few tries you said fuggit, I'll go barefoot. You learned how to walk: suppose you said fuggit, I'll just crawl everywhere.

Now you're learning how to live without booze.

I did. My sobriety date is Nov. 27, 1988.

artsoul

People around here are "nice" because we know what it's like. You have some knowledge of your problem now and reached out for support, and that is no small thing.

This is a progressive disease, so I hope you don't wait too long to get sober. Post any time you want to - we're on your side!

Hevyn

WeakLink - You still haven't given up, or you wouldn't have come back here to say thanks. I caved many times in my lifelong drinking career, but finally got it right this last time. It can still be done, no matter how discouraged you feel at the moment. Maybe you will be stronger & more determined now.

I hope you'll decide to hang around and give it another shot - I know you can do this and have a better life.

NoFireWater

For someone just starting the process, I was very impressed about your 20 days! You could look at it that you slipped one day and were successful for 20 and just try again!

Soberpotamus

It doesn't matter how nice or awful anyone is... or how nice or awful you are. At this point, the alcohol messing up the neurochemistry in your brain is all that matters. And stopping that ASAP is what really matters.

If no one saw you drink your beer, would you still be killing yourself? Yes. If the whole world knows about you drinking that beer... you're still killing yourself.

It's nice to know how many nice people there are in the world though

MycoolFitz

Sounds like youre checking out or checked out of here unless you decide to "give it another shot". In case you're around who says you have to like early sobriety one bit or that it wouldn't feel miserable? Most of us don't begin sobriety because we think it will be fun or enjoyable, but because truely our lives have become unbearable. I hope you will give it another attempt, the pain is worth the gain and there are many ways to ask and receive support to help cushion the blow.

gibson3479

weaklink I slipped last Sunday...I felt bad about it Monday but then decided to pick back up like it didnt happen.I dont really care anymore to count down my days of sobriety...Ive decided to change my life to a healthier way of living ..that plan doesnt include alcohol........I slipped Sunday...How can I be hard on myself when Ive slipped for 4 years...We have to be proud of our effort and allow ourselves some slack.I hope you still keep checking in here even if you decide to binge drink for a few days...When youre ready again maybe you will have new insite...

EmeraldRose

It wasn't your time. I believe that life happens in sequence. There is a time and a place for everything. Just because you tried and didn't succeed 'this' time around doesn't mean you won't succeed next time. We make mistakes for a reason. Hopefully, we learn from them. That is my favorite part about the miracle of memory. We remember the feelings we had when we slipped up. We know we don't like the guilt and pain of the whole thought process of starting over. But we know if we don't try again the pain and guilt won't end. 20 days is not easy when you are going it alone. You need to get into your heart and really want to stay sober more than you need that beer. That may take some time if you made a conscious effort to go out and buy beer instead of just drinking what you already had. Only you know where you are at in your head.
When I quit in January I knew without a shadow of a doubt that that time would be the last time. That was it. After 30 years of drinking and about 10 years of waking up saying "I'll never drink again" I finally had the peace that life was better without booze.
We get a second chance because time wasn't ready for the first one...and in some cases, the third chance, fourth chance....sooner or later you will be holding that beer, staring at it and having a very 'empty' feeling about drinking it. That empty feeling is a void that you will realize booze can not fill. Only your inner strength, a higher power can fill that void.
I wish you the peace of listening to your heart and knowing that life is so much better without the booze.

ReadyAndAble

I'm sorry you caved. I hope you stick around and read more. I think you'll see we've pretty much all been there.

I'm not in AA, but I've gone to a few meetings, and I took something useful away from all of them. Never once ran into anyone I knew. I guess it could happen. But I've been through a lot more embarrassing moments—and the worst ones always happened when I was drunk. Getting sober was the best thing I ever did for my public image.

Don't give up. Asked about all the failed experiments on the way to inventing a practical lightbulb, Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that didn't work."

I hope it doesn't take you that many tries. But even if it does, it's worth it.