New Here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 14
New Here
Hi folks. I've been reading through the forums and realize this is a wonderful place to talk, share and get support. I've finally decided to post something myself.
I have been addicted to codeine for the past 11 years and to benzos for the last 15 years. I've had periods in between when I was clean but I always ended up relapsing.
I am trying to figure out why I keep relapsing. I've been unemployed for the past year and so is my partner so we're really struggling financially. The boredom is also huge when you're not working. I find the drugs make things look and feel not so desperate. But at the same time, when I do have something to occupy my time, my last job for instance, I took painkillers to give me motivation.
I feel utterly consumed by drugs at the moment. They're all I ever think about.
I would greatly appreciate some advice or feedback, or even just a comment.
Thanks for your support.
Babycham
I have been addicted to codeine for the past 11 years and to benzos for the last 15 years. I've had periods in between when I was clean but I always ended up relapsing.
I am trying to figure out why I keep relapsing. I've been unemployed for the past year and so is my partner so we're really struggling financially. The boredom is also huge when you're not working. I find the drugs make things look and feel not so desperate. But at the same time, when I do have something to occupy my time, my last job for instance, I took painkillers to give me motivation.
I feel utterly consumed by drugs at the moment. They're all I ever think about.
I would greatly appreciate some advice or feedback, or even just a comment.
Thanks for your support.
Babycham
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Babycham! Addiction is something that we can all relate to. For me it was alcohol. It seemed to possess me, mind, body and soul. I had to get myself into recovery and let it go. I refused to let a substance control my life and eventually kill me.
If you want to reclaim your life, you have some hard decisions to make. Posting here is a good start. Have you looked into any detox centers or outpatient treatments. Maybe NA, Smart Recovery or some counseling?
I'm sure others will be along ,that are more familiar with your D.O.C. I just wanted to Welcome you to SR.
Best Wishes To You!
If you want to reclaim your life, you have some hard decisions to make. Posting here is a good start. Have you looked into any detox centers or outpatient treatments. Maybe NA, Smart Recovery or some counseling?
I'm sure others will be along ,that are more familiar with your D.O.C. I just wanted to Welcome you to SR.
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posts: 14
Thanks guys for your warm welcome.
I was in rehab for the 28 days last September and I've gone to NA meetings. I just feel so compelled to take drugs. But as my therapist pointed out to me, I'm making a choice to take drugs and that gives me back some sense of control.
Also, in our sessions we're looking at what's wrong in my life that I feel the need to take drugs.
Thanks again for your support.
I was in rehab for the 28 days last September and I've gone to NA meetings. I just feel so compelled to take drugs. But as my therapist pointed out to me, I'm making a choice to take drugs and that gives me back some sense of control.
Also, in our sessions we're looking at what's wrong in my life that I feel the need to take drugs.
Thanks again for your support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR ((Babycham))! Glad you are in therapy and are wanting to end this rollercoaster to disaster.
I abused alcohol, then opiates, but crack is what brought me to my knees. I, too, had to dig deep to figure out what it was that made me want SOMETHING to deal with life.
It's possible, and it's pretty darned cool when we learn how to live life and not reach for something to get us through the rough times, good times, etc.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I abused alcohol, then opiates, but crack is what brought me to my knees. I, too, had to dig deep to figure out what it was that made me want SOMETHING to deal with life.
It's possible, and it's pretty darned cool when we learn how to live life and not reach for something to get us through the rough times, good times, etc.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Babycham, when I first sought treatment for my alcohol addiction, I poured my soul out to one of the rehab counselors about what I'd done when I was drinking. After all that, he looked at me and said, "You aren't unique."
At first, I was insulted as hell. But I learned that what he meant was that I could stand in a room with a dozen addicts and anything I'd done, at least half of them had done it as well. People here will understand you. Good luck in your sobriety. You said you've gone to NA in the past...are you still going to meetings?
--Fenris.
At first, I was insulted as hell. But I learned that what he meant was that I could stand in a room with a dozen addicts and anything I'd done, at least half of them had done it as well. People here will understand you. Good luck in your sobriety. You said you've gone to NA in the past...are you still going to meetings?
--Fenris.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Welcome babycham
I'm primarily an alcoholic...but boredom was a big one for me - I always blamed boredom...but then, like you, whenever I did have something on, I'd drink to 'get through it', enhance my performance (!) or whatever....
Bottom line I think is the drink and drugs were taking me, not the other way around.
I needed to break that cycle. Support & ideas really helped, and you'll find a lot of that here
We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I'm primarily an alcoholic...but boredom was a big one for me - I always blamed boredom...but then, like you, whenever I did have something on, I'd drink to 'get through it', enhance my performance (!) or whatever....
Bottom line I think is the drink and drugs were taking me, not the other way around.
I needed to break that cycle. Support & ideas really helped, and you'll find a lot of that here
We also have a substance abuse forum you may be interested in too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 22
Babycham,
I used for 28 years, mainly amphetamines and Opiates for the last 12.
Professional DETOX.
A CAC III counceler said this and it stuck with me:
Powerlessness: as children we are exposed to situations that allow us to acknowledge how powerless we are, at that time of recognition, we make a decision to never be powerless when we grow up. Therefore we numb the pain of reality with whatever we can which leads to addiction. This hit home with me, everyone is different but I definitely could relate.
I used for 28 years, mainly amphetamines and Opiates for the last 12.
Professional DETOX.
A CAC III counceler said this and it stuck with me:
Powerlessness: as children we are exposed to situations that allow us to acknowledge how powerless we are, at that time of recognition, we make a decision to never be powerless when we grow up. Therefore we numb the pain of reality with whatever we can which leads to addiction. This hit home with me, everyone is different but I definitely could relate.
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