AlexThedude

For the record, I am not officially an alchoholic... but I feel the roots forming to become one... I've been drinking at least a few drinks a day for 2 and a half weeks now... I am an emotional shell right now, because nothing's ever worked, and to make a long story short, i'm trapped at home with my parents, no job no gf, and kinda sorta almost a car, but i'm still waiting on that...

I've had depression since I was 12, so I mean that always officially sucks. Today, I feel like, well just a shell. Im so freaking depressed, and I see a bottle of whiskey in my room (i've been 21 for 3 months now.) and I feel fooking compelled to drink some, as well as smoke some ganja and maybe raid my sister's klonapin perscription. In short, i'm just fooking miserable when sober. i'm so depressed, it's actual physical sensations, not just sadness. i feel lumps of sad everywhere, in my throat, stomach, legs, etc... and that wave of despair... what do i do?! i don't want to become an alchoholic, i'm already hooked completely on weed (got a card and everything.)

Opivotal

Welcome Alex! Drinking will definitely NOT help your depression. Have you seen a Doctor or perhaps a counselor to discuss the way your feeling? I'm happy you decided to join SR!



Best Wishes To You!

MycoolFitz

I'm not sure what an official alcoholic or addict is but it sounds like you might need to make some major life adjustments starting with the booze and drugs. There's plenty of support and help if you want it. But you need to ewant it. Postings a good start.

Dee74

Welcome Alex

You'll find a lot of support and understanding here

Have you seen anyone for this depression?

I tried self medicating my sadness and emptiness too - didn't work...I stayed sad and empty and I gained some substance abuse problems besides.

Although I resisted it for years, counselling did eventually help me. Maybe some professional help might be the way forward for you ?

D

Soberpotamus

Hi Alex, so sorry you're feeling so bad From the way you describe having the physical sensations... you might need to see a doc about depression.

And know that the alcohol (and drugs) will just postpone the inevitable. They will only set you back and stall your hopes of ever dealing with any depression you might have... so, as hard as it may be... distract yourself and get the alcohol away from you if possible. And make an appt to check out those depression symptoms??

AlexThedude

thanks everyone for the responses... I don't feel better at all, but you've all convinced me to at least not drink the whiskey.

the problem is that due to illness or whatever (I've been to so many doctors it makes my head spin, but they don't have any idea what's wrong.) I am constantly in some sort of pain when sober, it's been going on since my early teens... Marijuana is one of the few things that alleviates this pain (headaches, and just overall burning sensations all over.) But my recent alchohol consumption is what worries me, since, medically speaking, it's just so much worse than weed.

Dee74

I self medicated with pot and then with booze. Both, independently, nearly destroyed me.

I've found I can't be my own Dr - I need another viewpoint a different outside perspective, to help me deal with whatever problems I have.

It can take some time sometimes to isolate issues and find out whats wrong...sometimes it takes many Drs too...but it was worth it for me to go that way.

D

AlexThedude

Dee, thanks for another response... I'm not questioning you, just curious about how pot almost destroyed you. I'm part of a community in Ca, that basically worships the plant and everyone is constantly talking it up as to it's health benefits and how it's the most safe drug etc, blah blah but I'm open to hearing both sides.

I've seen firsthand how terrible alchohol can easily become, but am slightly skeptical as to pot being nearly as bad, but welcome arguments against that idea. TIA.

Dee74

I was always trying to escape my reality Alex, whether pain relief, stress relief or life relief.

Pot did that for me for a long time - but then it didn't.

I became lethargic, unmotivated, I stopped going out, stopped engaging in relationships, my health suffered...(bronchial infections, bad diet, insomnia etc), I became paranoid, the quality of my social circle got lower and lower as I smoked more and more

All I wanted was the oblivion....and more weed.

I got off the weed...and then got into alcohol...and the exactly same things happened again.

Obviously I'm the problem here...the predilection to addiction is the issue and the drugs I used are really immaterial in that sense....but I've seen these same things in pot smoking friends of mine too.

You may see things differently, but I'm not an adherent to the view that pot is somehow benign, or more benign, than other things.

As this is a recovery site, and I'm not the only pot addict here, I'm unapologetic in that stance.

I couldn't get truly get in recovery until I faced reality squarely....and to do that I had to put all my crutches aside.

D

AlexThedude

I could definately see that happening, tollerance to weed, or anything is terrible. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with it... I can definately see how needing to escape from reality can escalate into an addiction for any substance, I guess weather it's benign or not doesn't matter, because being away from reality causes lack of control in reality... ugh...
I just don't like reality at the moment =/

fook... you got my thinking...i guess it reallydoesnt even matter if weed is harmful to health or not, simply being away from reality is harmful... like anything, video games, tv, over eating... even exercising too much.
I'm just not sure if I should quit weed, because the goal for me isn't to get away from reality, but to experience it in a less painful way. I guess i'll have to look out for getting high to escape vs for pain relief... which could be really hard... ugh...

Dee74

I was unwilling to embrace reality for a long time Alex - but I'm glad I did.
I enjoy my life and I like who I am now - that's unprecedented for me.

I hope we can help you find whatever your way is to that too

D

AlexThedude

thanks, much... Still haven't taken that drink, haven't smoked any either, but i'm considering the weed... my head just fookin burns.

PS, I love your signature. Tomorrow.