Soberpotamus

Thanks so much for the warm welcomes from everyone! I'm looking forward to reading the forums. I'm sober on day 2 and feeling pretty good about it. I know the urges will come soon and I'm going to be vigilant and not let myself "bargain" with myself today I'm pretty good at being creative in that way, unfortunately. I have a book on relapse prevention that's probably the one I should keep my nose in at the moment... For a good long while actually.

comfytshirt

Hi Jennie, welcome to SR. I too live in this dreadful heat of the SE. This forum has helped me tremendously when I feel the urge! Hope it helps you too!

lushly

Amen sister! I am in my 50s and wish I had quit in my 30s. I tried in my 20s, 30s and 40s. I just thought I was so smart and had to adjust everything to suit me. I tried many programs and I am now in recovery for 58 eight days the longest I have make it since my 30's. This time I am "working a program" listening to what I am being told to do and doing it. My attitude of it being MY WAY kept me drunk. I wish you luck. Don't waste 20 years being drunk you have a full life to live. Welcome to SR hope to see you here often. (())s the Lush

Soberpotamus

I really appreciate that, Lush. I'm guilty of being "smart" like that as well. And I've got loads of books, have dabbled in four different programs (including AA for one day... Mind you, as a child I soaked up the chants and philosophies from being dragged to those meetings by my mother... Who is now dead from a drug overdose), and taken myself to all kinds of therapists... All of my own accord. I'm not in denial (well... I may be in denial 5% regarding romantic notions of moderation... And I know this is the most dangerous thing.) But I DO have issues with dogma being forced upon me... I'm an only child who just always thought for myself. I have degrees in both philosophy and psychology. I was forced into a very dogmatic and oppressive Christian school for a few years as a child and that left a bitter taste in my mouth for religion and people in general. My big issues are trust and feelings of helplessness... Which inevitably can turn to rage when drunk

... So that's a little bit more of where I'm coming from. I'm also a person who typically hangs up instantly when I get calls from telemarketers... I'm a terribly "hard sell". Only since I've worked as a remote call center agent from home the past year have I learned empathy and understanding for what those people go through. So I have stopped the instant hanging up

CarolD

Wishing you all the joy recovery can bring into your life....Welcome..

Sorry to know your Mother lost her battle.....

coming_clean

heya Jennie,

welcome.

keep posting.

it helps a lot.

pavernt

Hi, I'm not someone who believes in the abrahamic idealised versions of god... in fact the religion I've ever come close to was Buddhism... but I dont subscribe to any religion.

I was scared about the AA, and today I went to my first meeting... because I know without support I am never going to beat this. I've tried and tried. I'm not saying AA is going to be your cup of tea; it may still not be mine (I didnt even speak today) - but maybe give it a go.

Sorry to read about your mum

cairns87

Hi sober Jennie! Welcome to the forum! Its a very helpful place. You must have been proud of your 8 months achievement. I personally have been able to get up to about 3 months then get complacent and relapse. Hopefully I have placed measures to stop this from happening this time! I encourage you to look for measures that will help you!

Cairns

Soberpotamus

Thanks pavernt, fortunately there are Women For Sobriety face-to-face meetings now where I live. I've emailed the moderator of the group. They are aware I'm trying to talk myself into going. I think it'll be a really good decision that's going to feel awkward and uncomfortable for me at first... Since alcohol has been my excuse to isolate myself from others.

lushly

I really don't agree with taking children to AA meetings I just feel that it is not the place for them. I am an educator and very pro children, but rooms full adults in recovery is not an appropriate place open meeting or not. I too did not want to turn to AA again. I saw it as as antiquated set of doctrine that I could not relate to. I am a patchwork of religious ideals. My personality of taking what I want twisting it up a bit,and leaving the rest is at work once again lol. I believe in a universal energy.
Through the years I have become a chronic alcoholic. A low bottom drunk in the fact that I no longer cared about accepted social norms. I drank all day if I felt I needed to. I had no healthy honest relationships in my life. I hid alcohol everywhere ,shop lifted booze when my debt card was canceled by my H., lied and manipulated everyone. I had no self respect, but the most devastating thing was I had no spirituality; and had none for so long that I had to start from a place of simplicity. I don't need to tell you Jenny that spirituality is an internal balance that has nothing to so with religious doctrine. I hope that in my journey of recovery that I can learn to live in the moment, have gratitude and understand that my will need not be done. I will have you in meditation Jenny. Thank you for sharing. I will hold hope that you will find what you need in your journey. The Lush