Schwaber77

Well, I made it through day 13 and back to the bottle I went. Time to start over again. I let myself down and my family, I feel terrible.

Ranger

You're back, which means you still want it. Dust yourself off, S, do a post-drinkum on why you went back last night, and keep reading/posting. You can do this, Friend.

TheTinMan

Glad you are back to try again. Try and figure out what brought this on.

What do you use for support in recovery?

Anna

So, what happened that led you back to drinking?

You don't need to go through this again.

Schwaber77

I'm not really sure why I drank again. It may be because I made it 13 days, maybe because I had very good week at work or because I have a long weekend. In any case, they are just excuses.

Now my wife says she's leaving me for sure until I get better. My fear is, if she leaves me I will loose the strength to quit but in her mind it's the only way I will get better. She says that it's only a temporary thing and that she'll be back when I am better but I know she wont be back.

All I can do at this point is to get back on the wagon and hopefully she'll see that I am really trying.

Tin Man, currently I am doing the 7 weeks to sobriety, spending a fair amount of time here reading, and reading the big book. I have not attended any AA meetings or treatment. I am not a big fan of the meetings, not that I've been to any or there is anything wrong with them, I'm just not a big talker especially about my feelings.

Dee74

Hi schwaber

Many of us faltered a time or two...it's hard to change our lives.

I hope your wife changes her mind, but even if she doesn't...you need to do this for you anyway - you need to want it...and I think the fact you're back here shows you do

I always advise people to think of what else they can do now - what can they add to what they've been doing?

Do check out your options - getting back on the wagon is relatively easy but staying there is always the greater task - look around and get as much support as you can - whether it's throwing yourself in here more, or AA, or SMART, or counselling, or outpatient rehab....try something...then use whatever works.

It's not about being a great talker - it's about being a great doer

D

Mark75

My home group meeting... there's a few people go that I've never heard say a word in the almost three years I've been going... Don't let that fear of talking stop you...

Prayers to you and your wife.

CeeFarro

It's interesting that we seem to return to drinking after having a good week not a bad
one..Thanks for saying that, I'm sorry you're feeling sh*#ty but you do have a choice in
what you will do next. I relate to everything you've shared and it has helped me..None of
us are invincible..Please keep posting, and listen to these guys that have put together
some time on here..

1undone

I'm glad you came back to tell us what happened. The staying sober long term is definitely the harder part in all this. After the distraction of withdrawals end. Also I think our sick alcoholic minds trick us into thinking - just this one last time or look how great I was all week this must mean I can control it....

MemphisBlues

Go to a meeting. You're reading the BB. There is a group of people that want what you want and a lot more than have what you want.

Go to a meeting. It's only fear of the unknown keeping you away. Go to a meeting. That's what the BB is about, the willingness to meet with other alcoholics to share their journeys. Go to a meeting. Don't worry about talking. don't talk if you don't want to. Go to a meeting. See what happens. I bet you that Going To A Meeting will help accomplish one simple thing: Not drinking today.

GoodbyeJose

I almost had a moment like that tonight. I've gone 6 days.... I can have one drink, I can clearly control it.

I kept my hand in my pocket on my AA coin to remind me where I am in my life.

I've used that excuse before, that my abstinence is a clear indicator of my ability to control it. 2 days later I'm back just as hard as ever.

Most people can drink responsibly. I view my alcoholism like being pregnant. You're either pregnant or you're not. There is no "kinda." I'm either a drinker, or not. I'm unable to control the amount once I start.

While I cannot control that I'm an alcoholic, I can control if I'm a sober alcoholic or not. I choose sobriety.

Schwaber77, try a meeting. At least then you can say that you gave it a shot. I've only been to one meeting, but the feeling in the room and people sharing their experiences motivated me through this weekend so far. Ask your wife if she'll go with you. It might be eye opening for both of you.

Zebra1275

I'm just not a big talker especially about my feelings.

I think you are going to need to get over that. I have found that keeping things bottled up inside usually leads to the bottle.

SwanSong

Zebra,

I completely agree with you.

But between sitting at home and reading the big book - to attending a meeting and maybe reading the big book and possibly sharing if one so chooses to is 'getting to a meeting'.

I think sometimes some of us have all the fire in the world and will take giant scissor steps in recovery and others may take smaller sized steps, important thing is are we heading closer to that next drink or further away.

Again, I completely agree with you, but I think the immediate action is attend meetings- to the original poster, if we could get sober and stay happily sober with a big book and our couch we wouldn't have meetings, fellowship, sponsor/sponsees etc. - there's a lot of healing that goes on in the rooms.

As to the situation with your wife, I believe that we must put our sobriety first.

Get you sobriety on track, make it your number one priority, let everything else take care of itself, in time, on it's own.