Going to my first meeting tonight
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Going to my first meeting tonight
Today has been a rough day. Dog woke me up at 4:30 am and been up and out of bed ever since. Husband is gone again for the week for work.
I'm sure the fact that I'm tired and off kilter has something to do with my weakness. The past 15 days have been ok, felt great, got alot done, no real burning desire to drink.
But today, I feel weak. I knew it wasn't going to be a cakewalk so I'm going to go and check out a meeting this evening. I tried AA awhile back in my 20's and I didn't like it, but maybe it will be different this time.
I came *this close* to buying a bottle of wine today at the supermarket but talked myself out of it. I know that if I choose to consume, I'll be wracked with guilt and hate and anger at myself, cause that's how I am. I would probably pick up the phone later tonight and call people when I'm buzzed. I would skip dinner instead of eating something healthy. I would pass out and not sleep well. And I would be hungover in the morning. And with the alcohol still in my system, I'd wanna start it all over again. And I'd hate myself.
Isn't it weird that with all of these results that are seen so crystal clear are almost not enough to keep me from doing it?
So - I looked up a meeting and I'm going. I have to think I'll feel better after I go.
Scared to post this but it holds me accountable. Without SR and everything I have learned from everyone so far, I know that I wouldn't have made it today, so thanks. I only have a few more hours left in the day until I go to sleep. It can be done.
I'm a little anxious about the meeting but I need some more tools, I guess.
I'm sure the fact that I'm tired and off kilter has something to do with my weakness. The past 15 days have been ok, felt great, got alot done, no real burning desire to drink.
But today, I feel weak. I knew it wasn't going to be a cakewalk so I'm going to go and check out a meeting this evening. I tried AA awhile back in my 20's and I didn't like it, but maybe it will be different this time.
I came *this close* to buying a bottle of wine today at the supermarket but talked myself out of it. I know that if I choose to consume, I'll be wracked with guilt and hate and anger at myself, cause that's how I am. I would probably pick up the phone later tonight and call people when I'm buzzed. I would skip dinner instead of eating something healthy. I would pass out and not sleep well. And I would be hungover in the morning. And with the alcohol still in my system, I'd wanna start it all over again. And I'd hate myself.
Isn't it weird that with all of these results that are seen so crystal clear are almost not enough to keep me from doing it?
So - I looked up a meeting and I'm going. I have to think I'll feel better after I go.
Scared to post this but it holds me accountable. Without SR and everything I have learned from everyone so far, I know that I wouldn't have made it today, so thanks. I only have a few more hours left in the day until I go to sleep. It can be done.
I'm a little anxious about the meeting but I need some more tools, I guess.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Way to go Bratnik! Great work on passing up the wine and on posting here. We all want to see you get through the day!
Keep busy, focus on the moment and keep playing the movie right through to the end so that you can visualize all the negatives that will come from that one decision.
I posted this earlier on another thread but will post again here.
Ask yourself this:
If death is certain and only the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing?
Keep busy, focus on the moment and keep playing the movie right through to the end so that you can visualize all the negatives that will come from that one decision.
I posted this earlier on another thread but will post again here.
Ask yourself this:
If death is certain and only the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing?
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Wow glad you posted the whole what would happen if you drink seario! That's so ME! It helps to see that I'm not unusual - in my drinking and the whole emotional cycle that goes with it.
I really hope you have a positive experience with AA. I really get a lot out of them and feel bad right now cuz I'm in bed with a migraine missing my womens group tonight.
Let us know how it went!
I really hope you have a positive experience with AA. I really get a lot out of them and feel bad right now cuz I'm in bed with a migraine missing my womens group tonight.
Let us know how it went!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 426
Thanks, guys. Your support helps so much.
I call it my "first" meeting - I actually went to about 3 or so about 12 years ago. I don't even really count them because I wasn't ready to be there and had walls up the gazoo around me.
I was nervous. I said my sobriety date was June 15th instead of June 5th - I was thinking 15 days down - on day 16 - quit the 5th - I got myself all worked up!
Many very nice people there. Many different types of people there, which i loved to see. I listened to their stories. There was a leader. I had the courage to get up and say it was my first meeting and got a coin. But, afterwards, I just kind of bolted. I was very overwhelmed...all of those steps on the wall, etc. I ended up kind of bolting afterward without speaking to anyone. They were saying how newcomers should immediately find a sponsor and I was just not ready to start all of that tonight. That doesn't mean I'm not committed, I was just scared. I'll try it again. I'm sure I'll get some more courage as I go.
Anyway, it kept me from drinking today/tonight. Tomorrow is another day to fight.
I call it my "first" meeting - I actually went to about 3 or so about 12 years ago. I don't even really count them because I wasn't ready to be there and had walls up the gazoo around me.
I was nervous. I said my sobriety date was June 15th instead of June 5th - I was thinking 15 days down - on day 16 - quit the 5th - I got myself all worked up!
Many very nice people there. Many different types of people there, which i loved to see. I listened to their stories. There was a leader. I had the courage to get up and say it was my first meeting and got a coin. But, afterwards, I just kind of bolted. I was very overwhelmed...all of those steps on the wall, etc. I ended up kind of bolting afterward without speaking to anyone. They were saying how newcomers should immediately find a sponsor and I was just not ready to start all of that tonight. That doesn't mean I'm not committed, I was just scared. I'll try it again. I'm sure I'll get some more courage as I go.
Anyway, it kept me from drinking today/tonight. Tomorrow is another day to fight.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
I wish they wouldn't push the sponsor thing right away. It took me 3 weeks to get one and that was with going to 4 meetings per week! I just ignored that and took my time to get to know some people. My sponsor is great, I don't need a lot of hand holding and she respects that. BUT she also knows that if I say I need to talk, I REALLY NEEED TO TALK. Lol
I bolted the first couple weeks too. I think most people do.
I bolted the first couple weeks too. I think most people do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: BoulderCo
Posts: 111
I'm glad you went and that you found it helpful
It's ok if you left early and didn't find a sponsor this time. After 2 weeks of meetings I'm still working up the guts to find a sponsor. But I've found that the most helpful thing about going to meetings is just being around real people with a similar goal. It's really grounding and it gets me out of my own head.
It's ok if you left early and didn't find a sponsor this time. After 2 weeks of meetings I'm still working up the guts to find a sponsor. But I've found that the most helpful thing about going to meetings is just being around real people with a similar goal. It's really grounding and it gets me out of my own head.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,934
I'm glad you went to a meeting and keep going back. If it kept you sober today, it worked. Some people go to a meeting everyday in the begining.
I wouldn't worry about the sponsor thing at this point. I didn't get a sponsor until I had 7 - 8 months in. I wouldn't recommend you wait that long, but my point is you don't need to get one the first day.
One thing I would recommend right away is getting a copy of the Big Book and reading the first 164 pages.
I wouldn't worry about the sponsor thing at this point. I didn't get a sponsor until I had 7 - 8 months in. I wouldn't recommend you wait that long, but my point is you don't need to get one the first day.
One thing I would recommend right away is getting a copy of the Big Book and reading the first 164 pages.
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