calm007

This is my first post on any site...
In 1994 when I graduated High School a curious compulsion began creeping up on me. I had recieved a cheerleading scholarship to college and the summer before I was to leave to collerge I began gaining weight . The thought of showing up heavier than when I tried out for the squad really scared me so I began purging the food that I ate...but really it was the binging that I think was the true compulsion. I was Bulemic for 5 years during which time I was heavily addicted to Crystal Meth for close to 2 years and I drank in excess at social occasions.
In 1998 with no more Eating Disorder issues or Drug issues I really began to get hard and heavy on the booze. I mean it didn't seem so at the time...I was a high functioner...I only drank in the morning when everyone else did, lol! It seemed "normal" with my upbringing that every social event was revolved around alcohol. Still, I wasn't happy even though I was fairly successful in most areas of my life. In 1999 I crashed my boyfriends car while seriously intoxicated. I am lucky that I crashed into a field and that no one was hurt but me. I did shatter a vertebrae and was hospitalized for a week...It was a really long recovery from a broken back and actually had a pig bone implanted to replace the shattered vertabrae. My boyfriend whom is now my husband forgave me and took care of me during my recovery from the injury resulting from the accident. We moved to Tampa in 2000. We/I continued to drink and he got his DUI soon after we moved here. I didn't drink and drive for a long time after my accident but for some reason it seemed ok to ride with someone else while they were drunk.
In 2003 we had a baby! Boy did life change during that pregnancy! It was the best time of my life! Of course I thought that since it wasn't hard for me to stop drinking during pregnancy that I didn't have a problem so after the baby was born I began drinking again.
HA! Bad Idea...Anxiety and Thyroid problems followed.
I have quit drinking for long periods of time and started back again a million times. As for me I am a binger, so I binge drink and binge smoke. And one goes hand in hand with the other...
So yesterday I quit drinking again...and smoking. It feels different this time. I am listening to the audio book "Sober for Good".
I really don't want to go to AA because the last time I went it seemed like a pity party. I don't like to wallow in self pity, I am a motivated and happy person by nature.
I am feeling pretty much no withdrawals except fatigue from the no smoking I think.
I want to quit so I can stop the cycle for my kids...I want them to know that it is not the norm for drinking to be around on a daily basis. I know this is rambling but I just wanted to start by getting some of this stuff off my chest in a "rough draft" kind of way. I usually try to be perfectionist but have learned to just let it roll!
Any advice would be great. There are no alternatives to AA in my area but I think it would be a good idea to seek a private alcohol counselor. I just hope this sticks!

instant

Hi Calm007. SR is a great place.

You have been through a lot. It sounds like you have firm resolve. What does your husband think of your plan ?

dbskid

Hey....welcome....I'm new here too.....I've tried to quit a zillion times over the years.....I've decided this is it....I'm looking forward not back......I don't need a pity party either....I've been sober now for 17 days and starting to feel much better..my sense of humor and personality are starting to come back....I'm killing myself with exercise and eating right....I'm a lot older than you and been drinking much longer.....I'm a binger.....weekend warrior......

Hang in there....there is a lot of support on this site.......it's made a difference for me when I was feeling weak......

EmeraldRose

Welcome calm. I have quit for long periods of time and always started back up, too...usually binging. Sometimes the binge would last weeks. Then I'd had enough and get better then feel good enough to start again. Vicious cycle.
I quit for good in January. So far so good and when it 'feels' different it usually is. Hopefully, you are ready this time. Wishing you peace and strength.

CarolD

calm007...... and dbskid...

welcome to our recovery community....please stay connected with us...we are here to offer peer support and information.

Dee74

Welcome Calm

You'll find a lot of support here - and a lot of ideas too

D

artsoul

Welcome and congratulations on deciding to get sober. It really does feel good being able to be the mom I want to be and having an alcohol-free zone for my kids.

Hang in there and keep reading and posting!!

mama36

I'm right here with you too Calm...my son is my life and I am trying to show him a life different than the one that I had growing up. Today is day 4 for me so we're in this together. I too have quit for long periods but decided I was all better and went back to it...not such a good idea because I learned very quickly in my last episode that it only takes that first drink to get back to where you were when you last quit...and it sucks doing it all over again. This time feels different for me in some way too...maybe because I tried it and failed all within 2 weeks...it didn't take me 3 or 4 years to see that it wasn't right for me like usual.

Stick and stay and make it pay Calm...

D.