First Date since being sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
Hi All, thanks for taking the time to respond to me on this. Reset, I hear you about the drinks however the way he was talking I knew if I did not say that I may have put myself in a bad situation, although 5 months, in order for me to keep sobriety I need to put in place boundaries for myself.
Very funny sketch soberjohndoe, funny thing is I love Mayo on everything!! made me smile.
I think it is because I was really making a brave step and even came here to SR to tell everyone, feel embarassed really.
How do you tell someone you used to drink but now don't when it is a potential relationship. I am sure it will come up down the line, seems like a badge I need to wear now. I had a flashing thought that perhaps I could have just one wine, seeing this is the first time I have ever given up and perhaps could moderate, and then I gave myself a mental slap.
And yes Dee you could be right, but my intuition knows, I am not being dramatic it just is what it is. Thanks everyone, perhaps I will wait to tell everyone after I have a date in the future.... Yes feeling a little sorry for myself but I will bounce back.
Very funny sketch soberjohndoe, funny thing is I love Mayo on everything!! made me smile.
I think it is because I was really making a brave step and even came here to SR to tell everyone, feel embarassed really.
How do you tell someone you used to drink but now don't when it is a potential relationship. I am sure it will come up down the line, seems like a badge I need to wear now. I had a flashing thought that perhaps I could have just one wine, seeing this is the first time I have ever given up and perhaps could moderate, and then I gave myself a mental slap.
And yes Dee you could be right, but my intuition knows, I am not being dramatic it just is what it is. Thanks everyone, perhaps I will wait to tell everyone after I have a date in the future.... Yes feeling a little sorry for myself but I will bounce back.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Don't be embarrassed. He should be embarrassed for his actions & missing out on a great night. His problem not yours.
As Happier said -and I believe, things happen for a reason. Definately. This was not the time for you and had you lied and gone, you would have been tempted and he could have proven to be even a bigger jerk.
And since he texted you and didn't call and talk in person I have a hunch you won't be hearing from him again -but there is a reason for that, too!
You were too good for him anyway.
As Happier said -and I believe, things happen for a reason. Definately. This was not the time for you and had you lied and gone, you would have been tempted and he could have proven to be even a bigger jerk.
And since he texted you and didn't call and talk in person I have a hunch you won't be hearing from him again -but there is a reason for that, too!
You were too good for him anyway.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Ring
Sorry it didn't work out. My brother would say "it wasn't meant to be" it's one of his favourites. I think we over-estimate how many of the population are drinkers. We tend to think everyone is like us, and we are being left out. I saw some stats recently but I won't quote as it is only by recall- I am sure you can look it up.
Sorry it didn't work out. My brother would say "it wasn't meant to be" it's one of his favourites. I think we over-estimate how many of the population are drinkers. We tend to think everyone is like us, and we are being left out. I saw some stats recently but I won't quote as it is only by recall- I am sure you can look it up.
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Originally Posted by ring 
I think it is because I was really making a brave step and even came here to SR to tell everyone, feel embarassed really.
Don't make any assumptions and try to give benefit of doubt to the guy but also trust your gut. I have felt judged before and often and in doing something positive for myself. It sucks and I'm sorry.
If you look at the big picture here, you can view this as a necessary step to recovery. At worst you have to deal with some rejection and feel that sober which is quite an opportunity to grow.
Your whole post and situation really is impressive to me.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Land down under
Posts: 433
Hi Ring
If he has canceled on you for that reason then I agree with Dee and others, sounds like a drop kick
Maybe he has a drinking problem and you saying you don't drink scared him. Either way, who needs that right????
You are doing really well in your recovery. Continue to be brave and please don't be embarrassed. Stepping out of your comfort zone is a great leap forward, you just need to meet the "right" guy. All in good time
:ghug3
If he has canceled on you for that reason then I agree with Dee and others, sounds like a drop kick
Maybe he has a drinking problem and you saying you don't drink scared him. Either way, who needs that right???? You are doing really well in your recovery. Continue to be brave and please don't be embarrassed. Stepping out of your comfort zone is a great leap forward, you just need to meet the "right" guy. All in good time
:ghug3
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Wow I feel let down for you but not because of anything you did or anything you need to be embarrassed about! I just think this guy's a douchebag and it's too bad that he missed his opportunity to be your first date in a long while since working on yourself. Boo to him!!!
Listen if there's one thing I learned through my years of drinking to excess and casually "dating"/randomly hooking up with guys is that if they want to get together "for a few drinks" really that is usually code for wanting sex. Or else they feel too awkward on a date without some liquid courage. So no matter which one of those two scenarios is right, you don't want a guy like that, you deserve better. I think it's waaaay better that you found this out now before potentially investing yourself further and wasting your time and emotions on this jerkwad. I really, really think this is a benefit not a drawback and that there will be better opportunities coming your way.
Just last week (before I decided to stop drinking but after I decided to stop letting guys use me), I thought I had met a great guy, he had a good education and profession, he was cute and what I thought was a good conversationalist (who knows though, since we were both drunk) and he wanted to get together with me and I thought it was because he was interested and then I figured out by my super-duper decoding skills (really it's not that hard... very obvious) that he just wanted to hook up and I felt really embarrassed and crushed, like, wow, is that all he sees me as. But really I did nothing wrong (yeah, party girls probably give off the vibe that they will easily hook up... lowered inhibitions and all that... and I definitely have in the past so how can I blame the guy for thinking that under the circumstances in which we met-- bar/club with a bunch of party people, but at the time I was trying to moderate and had successfully moderated that night so LUCKILY I wasn't drunk or I probably would have been stupid and gone home with him.... at least there's that). But still I felt down on myself. Then something clicked and I realized, you know what, if all he wants is THAT, he can find someone else, and I will find someone better... NEXT!!! (Even though right now I don't even want to date ha ha... so it's a good thing it didn't work out). So anyway I'm telling you that I can relate to being disappointed in YOURSELF but really if he was a good guy the not drinking wouldn't bother him and you are waaaaay better off without him.
Even if something truly did come up I think it was wrong of him to bow out over text. I hope he had a really good explanation. But I really think if it was about the drinks then forget him, he stinks!!!, and on to the next one, chica! There are plenty of fishies and you shouldn't get down on yourself. I'm serious, knock it off okay. :-) You'll do just fine in the dating world, I know it.
Listen if there's one thing I learned through my years of drinking to excess and casually "dating"/randomly hooking up with guys is that if they want to get together "for a few drinks" really that is usually code for wanting sex. Or else they feel too awkward on a date without some liquid courage. So no matter which one of those two scenarios is right, you don't want a guy like that, you deserve better. I think it's waaaay better that you found this out now before potentially investing yourself further and wasting your time and emotions on this jerkwad. I really, really think this is a benefit not a drawback and that there will be better opportunities coming your way.
Just last week (before I decided to stop drinking but after I decided to stop letting guys use me), I thought I had met a great guy, he had a good education and profession, he was cute and what I thought was a good conversationalist (who knows though, since we were both drunk) and he wanted to get together with me and I thought it was because he was interested and then I figured out by my super-duper decoding skills (really it's not that hard... very obvious) that he just wanted to hook up and I felt really embarrassed and crushed, like, wow, is that all he sees me as. But really I did nothing wrong (yeah, party girls probably give off the vibe that they will easily hook up... lowered inhibitions and all that... and I definitely have in the past so how can I blame the guy for thinking that under the circumstances in which we met-- bar/club with a bunch of party people, but at the time I was trying to moderate and had successfully moderated that night so LUCKILY I wasn't drunk or I probably would have been stupid and gone home with him.... at least there's that). But still I felt down on myself. Then something clicked and I realized, you know what, if all he wants is THAT, he can find someone else, and I will find someone better... NEXT!!! (Even though right now I don't even want to date ha ha... so it's a good thing it didn't work out). So anyway I'm telling you that I can relate to being disappointed in YOURSELF but really if he was a good guy the not drinking wouldn't bother him and you are waaaaay better off without him.
Even if something truly did come up I think it was wrong of him to bow out over text. I hope he had a really good explanation. But I really think if it was about the drinks then forget him, he stinks!!!, and on to the next one, chica! There are plenty of fishies and you shouldn't get down on yourself. I'm serious, knock it off okay. :-) You'll do just fine in the dating world, I know it.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I have learned in sobriety that no-one gives a toot if i drink or not, fact! I am late 30's though and understand that if i were 20, and were going out with a bunch of other young lads on the lash, that might be a different ball game...
The only time anyone cared if another person was drinking was when it was a group of us drunks at the bar trying to drink like we do whilst someone else was ordering a tonic...no non-alcoholic cares in the slightest whether you drink or not!
It did take a long time in sobriety for this to sink in and to experience times out with other people who weren't drunks:-)
The only time anyone cared if another person was drinking was when it was a group of us drunks at the bar trying to drink like we do whilst someone else was ordering a tonic...no non-alcoholic cares in the slightest whether you drink or not!
It did take a long time in sobriety for this to sink in and to experience times out with other people who weren't drunks:-)
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by soberjohndoe
A funny take on the dating life of those in recoveryYouTube - ‪Jim Gaffigan-Drinking and Chatting‬‏
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