I think this is harder for my husband to accept than me
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Originally Posted by saphira 
Humiliated,
We seem to be in such same situations that it's scary. I just turned 30 and I have the same sort of thing going on with my husband. I also have a 7 year old, and like you I never allowed myself to get drunk in public because I was so paranoid. I always drank alone or with close friends.
I can't speak for your husband, but I've done a lot of thinking recently about mine because I get very frustrated sometimes when he tells me that as long as I keep my drinking to the weekends I'll be fine. (I used to drink all week, but weeks ago narrowed it down to the weekends which is bad enough.) I used to let my husband know that I was going to have a drink or two and he would laugh and say, "Ok. Just don't go all Rockstar on me" in a joking way. I used to want to scream, and still do sometimes actually, about why he can't understand how HUGE this is to me...how much it affects everything about me. Then I have to remind myself that right now he sees me drinking on the weekends and to him that's normal. He doesn't know the inner-turmoil that goes on so often during the times I don't drink or what I go through every single Friday trying to convince myself not to drink when the addicted part of my brain tries to justify why I deserve a drink. All he sees is that I'm "fine" during the week and drink "like the rest of the world" on the weekends. I have tried numerous times to explain (probably in too much detail) what happens inside my head to him, but as supportive as he is, I don't think it's possible for him to understand since he doesn't have this problem. So I just need to realize that even if he never understands how huge this is for me, I need to be sober for me. I'll take his love and support gladly, but I've come to realize that the only person who needs to take this seriously is me.
I wish you luck in your sobriety!! IM me if you ever need or want to!
We seem to be in such same situations that it's scary. I just turned 30 and I have the same sort of thing going on with my husband. I also have a 7 year old, and like you I never allowed myself to get drunk in public because I was so paranoid. I always drank alone or with close friends.
I can't speak for your husband, but I've done a lot of thinking recently about mine because I get very frustrated sometimes when he tells me that as long as I keep my drinking to the weekends I'll be fine. (I used to drink all week, but weeks ago narrowed it down to the weekends which is bad enough.) I used to let my husband know that I was going to have a drink or two and he would laugh and say, "Ok. Just don't go all Rockstar on me" in a joking way. I used to want to scream, and still do sometimes actually, about why he can't understand how HUGE this is to me...how much it affects everything about me. Then I have to remind myself that right now he sees me drinking on the weekends and to him that's normal. He doesn't know the inner-turmoil that goes on so often during the times I don't drink or what I go through every single Friday trying to convince myself not to drink when the addicted part of my brain tries to justify why I deserve a drink. All he sees is that I'm "fine" during the week and drink "like the rest of the world" on the weekends. I have tried numerous times to explain (probably in too much detail) what happens inside my head to him, but as supportive as he is, I don't think it's possible for him to understand since he doesn't have this problem. So I just need to realize that even if he never understands how huge this is for me, I need to be sober for me. I'll take his love and support gladly, but I've come to realize that the only person who needs to take this seriously is me.
I wish you luck in your sobriety!! IM me if you ever need or want to!
From reading everyone's post, especially yours, I think it is soooo true that our loved ones may never truly understand "exactly" how we feel. I suppose that as long as they are not trying to undermine our efforts and loving us, then we should definitely be grateful for what they try to understand.
It sounds to me like our husband's both have a way of joking about it so much, and it bothers both of us, I can definitely relate to that. This last time that I drank too much, I was so mortified the next day and my husband and friends were like "you were fine, just having fun", and it seems that once you are known as the "drinker" it's almost like people count on seeing you wasted...the summer's almost here, let the good times roll (rockstar). That's the way my friends are. I actually didn't go camping last weekend, because I knew there would be a LOT of drinking and didn't want to put myself in that situation, so what did I do? Got wasted at home instead, what started out as a couple of beers turned into a horrible next day! The friends that went camping were like "you missed out, everyone got sooo drunk" and I have to say I am glad I wasn't there, even if my night didn't turn out the way I planned.
I know I will have a lot of situations where I will either have to make up excuses about why I am not drinking or just remove myself from those situations, because I know I don't need encouragement to act like an idiot with alcohol, I can do it all by myself.
Glad to see we are both here, our own feelings and our kids are worth making this effort and hopefully our husbands will appreciate the changes that it brings, as difficult as it might be for them!
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"My mom is a "big drinker" too and I grew up seeing it as normal to party. "
Reminds me of something that the actor Sean Penn said in a magazine interview: "I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a big drinker. There's a difference."
At the time of the interview, his wife Robin Wright Penn was filing for divorce.
Reminds me of something that the actor Sean Penn said in a magazine interview: "I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a big drinker. There's a difference."
At the time of the interview, his wife Robin Wright Penn was filing for divorce.
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Originally Posted by grateful101010
You might think this is weird, but:
I will have 8 months of sobriety on June 10th.
I have not told this to anyone I know, including my husband of almost 24 years.
I just stopped drinking. He's never said a word to me about it, and I've never said a word to him about it. He's obviously noticed, and he still drinks (very modestly, as always.)
Sometimes, if we go out with friends, I offer to drive home so he can have more than one drink. When out to dinner, I simply order herbal tea or diet coke. If I'm offered wine, I say, no thanks. No one asks me why I'm not drinking.
You'd be surprised how little other people care about whether you drink or not, especially if you don't try to change their drinking habits.
I will have 8 months of sobriety on June 10th.
I have not told this to anyone I know, including my husband of almost 24 years.
I just stopped drinking. He's never said a word to me about it, and I've never said a word to him about it. He's obviously noticed, and he still drinks (very modestly, as always.)
Sometimes, if we go out with friends, I offer to drive home so he can have more than one drink. When out to dinner, I simply order herbal tea or diet coke. If I'm offered wine, I say, no thanks. No one asks me why I'm not drinking.
You'd be surprised how little other people care about whether you drink or not, especially if you don't try to change their drinking habits.
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Location: Portland
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"For me, drinking alcohol is like having sex with a gorilla. We're not done, until IT say[s] we're done." Reggie Wayne
Can I put that on a bumper sticker? Or a tattoo? At first it's funny--but when you morph it just a little, it's not funny anymore.
Seriously Reggie. That might be the mantra I will use from now on. I will out myself as a feminist here, and I will lend credibility to what I'm going to do by saying I teach women's literature and understand the politics of co-opting a name or title or, in this case, critically important term, but if you think of a binge as a form of rape (rape having meant capture in its original sense)...I'll have to write an essay about this idea.
Thanks RW
Can I put that on a bumper sticker? Or a tattoo? At first it's funny--but when you morph it just a little, it's not funny anymore.
Seriously Reggie. That might be the mantra I will use from now on. I will out myself as a feminist here, and I will lend credibility to what I'm going to do by saying I teach women's literature and understand the politics of co-opting a name or title or, in this case, critically important term, but if you think of a binge as a form of rape (rape having meant capture in its original sense)...I'll have to write an essay about this idea.
Thanks RW
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