I'm Miserable
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Reggie
you have a lot of support here and a lot of great ideas and advice.
One of the best lessons I ever learned is sobriety doesn't take all my problems away...life still has its ups and downs...sometime we skip through a day and others we trudge...things will be unfair and stressful...kids and partners will still sometimes drive us mad...
but sober we're in a far better position to not only get through those rough days but to learn and grow from them.
Focus on you Reggie - we can't change anyone else, no matter how close they are to us - but we can move mountains in the way we react to stuff....& maybe things will get better that way?
I hope tomorrow is better for you mate
D
you have a lot of support here and a lot of great ideas and advice.
One of the best lessons I ever learned is sobriety doesn't take all my problems away...life still has its ups and downs...sometime we skip through a day and others we trudge...things will be unfair and stressful...kids and partners will still sometimes drive us mad...
but sober we're in a far better position to not only get through those rough days but to learn and grow from them.
Focus on you Reggie - we can't change anyone else, no matter how close they are to us - but we can move mountains in the way we react to stuff....& maybe things will get better that way?
I hope tomorrow is better for you mate
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 107
Man I hit this same kind of wall at around month 9. I was frustrated by everything, people, my program, my progress. I don't know if it was the same for you but there was this dead calm preceding it, the calm before the storm, where I felt nothing, I was just numb for like a few weeks. Then WHAM ... Freakout!
Anyway
I don't have much advise. It's been three months and I feel like I'm pulling through, ever so slowly... Maybe it's our heads rewiring themselves back together, sans alcohol ... I can't image it's a very pretty process. Obviously, hang in there and all that jazz.
Anyway
I don't have much advise. It's been three months and I feel like I'm pulling through, ever so slowly... Maybe it's our heads rewiring themselves back together, sans alcohol ... I can't image it's a very pretty process. Obviously, hang in there and all that jazz.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
reggiewayne, like everyone before me posted, I must echo what an asset you are to this board, your posts have been so helpful and inspirational to me. I trust your judgment and your wisdom.
I'm glad you are feeling better and that you felt you could have a vent here. Everyone is allowed to vent, and life ain't always a bowl of cherries - put those two together and what we have is the beauty of SR with over 75,000 people who all respect and care for each other. Pretty magic, yeah? Glad you blew it out on here. Deep breaths..! I also get where you are angry that you are the sober one, yet you are having to do the work to placate someone with a permanently bad mood. Yeah, it's not bloody fair, is it?Sometimes I feel like I'm the one busting my *ss to keep our marriage going, when he just coasts along doing anything he pleases and has his really grumpy moments which are my fault, apparently. I think I'm leaving him behind a bit with my new direction, and he's aware of it. I think he's even jealous of my new found sobriety and joy for life. Because I'm sober, I'm now the one who has to redirect the arguments or walk away when he's in a foul mood, and it sucks to be the venting wall. I can't say it hasn't driven a wedge between us, but it sure beats the drunken rows we used to have..... stick with it buddy, hope you feel better soon.
I'm glad you are feeling better and that you felt you could have a vent here. Everyone is allowed to vent, and life ain't always a bowl of cherries - put those two together and what we have is the beauty of SR with over 75,000 people who all respect and care for each other. Pretty magic, yeah? Glad you blew it out on here. Deep breaths..! I also get where you are angry that you are the sober one, yet you are having to do the work to placate someone with a permanently bad mood. Yeah, it's not bloody fair, is it?Sometimes I feel like I'm the one busting my *ss to keep our marriage going, when he just coasts along doing anything he pleases and has his really grumpy moments which are my fault, apparently. I think I'm leaving him behind a bit with my new direction, and he's aware of it. I think he's even jealous of my new found sobriety and joy for life. Because I'm sober, I'm now the one who has to redirect the arguments or walk away when he's in a foul mood, and it sucks to be the venting wall. I can't say it hasn't driven a wedge between us, but it sure beats the drunken rows we used to have..... stick with it buddy, hope you feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: CO.
Posts: 141
Hey Reggie--,
I can related to your issues bud. I have a ton going on in my life and lately I have been caving. I posted on this site on and off a couple of weeks ago, Here is how it went: Found SR--thought it was great. I cleaned myself up for 5 days, which at this point is quite the feat. I was such a cranky-butt with withdrawals and all the crap going on in life that I decided I couldn't manage; I decided that I needed a drink. That turned into a 2 day mess, I posted again saying "day one" a couple days in a row. Then fell into the demon again. Whoosh, I disappeared for a week. I felt so terrible that I let everybody here down and also felt that everyone here thought I was such a flake, they didn't really want to deal with me until I came correctly. Well, here I am again, my first post since my hiatus and boy does it feel good to be back. I am wrapping up my 5th day and pushing toward a week! Please man, don't let things get you too down; nothing is as bad as that damn whiskey getting a hold of you (I have read a few of your posts and completely relate, that's my drink of choice as well). I, like many others, have found your posts to be inspiring and I also feel like I look up to you since we share so many of the same battles. I have no ulterior motives Reg... I posted this message for you and you alone. I am sending you good ju-ju tonight and let's keep each other on the right path through the weekend, eh?
I can related to your issues bud. I have a ton going on in my life and lately I have been caving. I posted on this site on and off a couple of weeks ago, Here is how it went: Found SR--thought it was great. I cleaned myself up for 5 days, which at this point is quite the feat. I was such a cranky-butt with withdrawals and all the crap going on in life that I decided I couldn't manage; I decided that I needed a drink. That turned into a 2 day mess, I posted again saying "day one" a couple days in a row. Then fell into the demon again. Whoosh, I disappeared for a week. I felt so terrible that I let everybody here down and also felt that everyone here thought I was such a flake, they didn't really want to deal with me until I came correctly. Well, here I am again, my first post since my hiatus and boy does it feel good to be back. I am wrapping up my 5th day and pushing toward a week! Please man, don't let things get you too down; nothing is as bad as that damn whiskey getting a hold of you (I have read a few of your posts and completely relate, that's my drink of choice as well). I, like many others, have found your posts to be inspiring and I also feel like I look up to you since we share so many of the same battles. I have no ulterior motives Reg... I posted this message for you and you alone. I am sending you good ju-ju tonight and let's keep each other on the right path through the weekend, eh?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 144
I read your post and think: BOUNDARIES.
I struggle with those all the time!! You feel embattled but you don't have to let other people's "stuff" become YOUR "stuff." There's a line where they leave off and you begin.
Know what I mean?
I struggle with those all the time!! You feel embattled but you don't have to let other people's "stuff" become YOUR "stuff." There's a line where they leave off and you begin.
Know what I mean?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
RW, I love reading your posts and hearing about your new job and all of the positive stuff you bring to the forum.
But this statement if you meant it says alot:
WTF is the point in being sober and trying to make myself better if nobody I'm around gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is only one person who should give a ****.....you. You have done the heavy lifting, you beat the physical addiction, and now you get to enjoy. Life has it's up and downs, but if you don't know now that drinking will solve nothing then are you sure you still aren't obsessing/missing the booze a little bit?
I could say get to a meeting, or do some service work, or work the steps harder, but I think you need to relax, then list all the things that are ticking you off and think about what you need to do to fix them. If the wife is trippin then maybe it's time to communicate and let her know how you feel. When I drank I held alot of feelings in because I didn't want to get called out for drinking, now I address the issues as they come in a mature manner. Maybe you need some alone time to relax and have some fun. Rent a couple comedies and send the wife and kids out of the house for a day. Sometimes it's OK to be a little selfish and reward ourselves. Although many would like us to think this recovery thing is about gratitude and working the program, it's truly about caring for ourselves, looking out for our own best interests and enjoying life sober.
I will be really disappointed if I read that you went out and drank, because you have everything going for you. You have a great family, (although wifes and kids can be pains sometimes), you have a great new career, and you have a brand new sober life to enjoy. It's OK to get mad, and to be disappointed, and to get stressed and to get upset, we are human, but you are smart enough to know that there is really no reason to drink only excuses, and you will regret it more now than ever. Don't do it, because it would break my heart to read about it after all of the hard work you put in.
Have a great sober night!
But this statement if you meant it says alot:
WTF is the point in being sober and trying to make myself better if nobody I'm around gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is only one person who should give a ****.....you. You have done the heavy lifting, you beat the physical addiction, and now you get to enjoy. Life has it's up and downs, but if you don't know now that drinking will solve nothing then are you sure you still aren't obsessing/missing the booze a little bit?
I could say get to a meeting, or do some service work, or work the steps harder, but I think you need to relax, then list all the things that are ticking you off and think about what you need to do to fix them. If the wife is trippin then maybe it's time to communicate and let her know how you feel. When I drank I held alot of feelings in because I didn't want to get called out for drinking, now I address the issues as they come in a mature manner. Maybe you need some alone time to relax and have some fun. Rent a couple comedies and send the wife and kids out of the house for a day. Sometimes it's OK to be a little selfish and reward ourselves. Although many would like us to think this recovery thing is about gratitude and working the program, it's truly about caring for ourselves, looking out for our own best interests and enjoying life sober.
I will be really disappointed if I read that you went out and drank, because you have everything going for you. You have a great family, (although wifes and kids can be pains sometimes), you have a great new career, and you have a brand new sober life to enjoy. It's OK to get mad, and to be disappointed, and to get stressed and to get upset, we are human, but you are smart enough to know that there is really no reason to drink only excuses, and you will regret it more now than ever. Don't do it, because it would break my heart to read about it after all of the hard work you put in.
Have a great sober night!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 284
Reggie - hang in there. Spending time with kids always cheers me up. They are truly God's gifts to us. Also, can I just say this has been the most unbelievable busy spring for everyone I know. The weather has been very difficult in many parts of the country and work is crazy (for me at least. ) It's just insane but things will get better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Hey Reggie. It's a new day. Feeling any better?
They've recently been changing the doses on my anti-depressants and it whacked me out big time!
Again, I hope you're feeling better today. If you can find the opprotunity, try some AA service work. It really helps me get out of my head when necessary.
They've recently been changing the doses on my anti-depressants and it whacked me out big time!
Again, I hope you're feeling better today. If you can find the opprotunity, try some AA service work. It really helps me get out of my head when necessary.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Yes we want others around us to be happy about it, but ultimately we have to do this I think for ourselves. Otherwise, whenever there are bad circumstances, we have disagreements with those we've invested our recovery in, we are going to be sorely tempted to throw in the towel. Alcohol really only masks problems that are already there, and they tend to compile while we're not facing and dealing with them.
Halfway through the first year can be a vulnerable time, the initial excitement of being sober may be fading, we may feel like things have hit a wall. I felt that way a few times, but it did pass. And usually I came through with a different perspective, something new and valuable I had learned along the way, even though it may have been painful at the time.
When someone in the family gets sober, it takes time for everyone else to adjust as well, to process a lot of feelings. They may require their own backup/support.
Good suggestions here, about staying focused on recovery and the program you are following in the meantime.
Halfway through the first year can be a vulnerable time, the initial excitement of being sober may be fading, we may feel like things have hit a wall. I felt that way a few times, but it did pass. And usually I came through with a different perspective, something new and valuable I had learned along the way, even though it may have been painful at the time.
When someone in the family gets sober, it takes time for everyone else to adjust as well, to process a lot of feelings. They may require their own backup/support.
Good suggestions here, about staying focused on recovery and the program you are following in the meantime.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Reggie - I'm late to the party, but wanted to send out some love to you. We go through many phases on our journey - I know I did. I learned something each time I stumbled, though - so it was never a waste. I'm glad you talked about how you've been feeling - it's a huge help to unburden ourselves among friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
Firstly, thanks for your posts, I have gotten good.
We all have faith, there is no way you're going to drink, it's not in ya now.
I cannot offer any directions about wife and kids, cos I am not in family circles, but I can say, I have had some horribly depressing days and it only seemed like life was not dealing me a fair card.
I talk to my sponsor, AA friends, older members and ofcourse the Steps.
On very bad weeks or days, I find some balance could be due and that may be less meetings, because the domestics don't get done.
It's easy to lay up on those responsibilities and I know I have deluded myself to leave the domstics for a day and go to a meeting, only to get back and the grass still needs cutting, and it's grown more, as an example.
I find that some balance/priorities seems to get me out of them blues.
We all have faith, there is no way you're going to drink, it's not in ya now.
I cannot offer any directions about wife and kids, cos I am not in family circles, but I can say, I have had some horribly depressing days and it only seemed like life was not dealing me a fair card.
I talk to my sponsor, AA friends, older members and ofcourse the Steps.
On very bad weeks or days, I find some balance could be due and that may be less meetings, because the domestics don't get done.
It's easy to lay up on those responsibilities and I know I have deluded myself to leave the domstics for a day and go to a meeting, only to get back and the grass still needs cutting, and it's grown more, as an example.
I find that some balance/priorities seems to get me out of them blues.
like a thunder bacon punch!
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 76
Wish I could give you some wise and sage advise that will make everythig better. But I'm at a blank.
All I can say is dot give in a drink, it WILL just make everything worse. And any fond and warm and fuzzy feelings you have about it are just feelings. The cold reality is a harsh slap across the face.
All I can say is dot give in a drink, it WILL just make everything worse. And any fond and warm and fuzzy feelings you have about it are just feelings. The cold reality is a harsh slap across the face.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
WTF is the point in being sober and trying to make myself better if nobody I'm around gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The point of being being sober and trying to make yourself better is being sober and making yourself better.
Hang in there, brother.
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
"WTF is the point in being sober and trying to make myself better if nobody I'm around gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Because if you were not sober, it's likely none of those people would be around you anyway.
This is a good place to vent and I am glad you did it here and not around your family. Hang in there!
Because if you were not sober, it's likely none of those people would be around you anyway.
This is a good place to vent and I am glad you did it here and not around your family. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Roxboro, NC
Posts: 544
Hey Reggie. Glad to see you are feeling a little better in your second post. Glad too that you decided not to drink. Stay strong brother, peace and serenity will come.
Yo, you meditating or praying daily. Any quiet time with just you and your HP?
Yo, you meditating or praying daily. Any quiet time with just you and your HP?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
THANK YOU EVERYONE! The support and advice you all gave means so much to me. I'm sorry my post was so strong. It was coming straight from the gut and I'm glad I was able to "air it out". I hope it didn't negatively affect anyone and their journey in recovery.
I did not drink. Last night I went to bed somewhat early and hit a meeting at 9am. I shared exactly what I was going thruogh (minus the poor me stuff - funny how that feeling lessens over time) and got some solid advice.
The advice in my meeting was the same as what you kind folks gave me. I called my sponsor and he said some great stuff to.
Sorry if I seem ungrateful for all of the good stuff that has happened to me since getting sober. I'm still getting used to this "un-filtered" life. For so long, alcohol was my filter for life. I'm feeling emotions so much more now than when I was drinking (good and bad).
The truth is I'm a lucky man. To be saved from the daily hell that alcohol put me in should really be enough. As bad as yesterday was, it was nowhere near as bad as December 3, 2010. The day I quit.
I'm so thankful to be sober, to have you guys, for AA, my HP, my family, my job, etc... I was just being a baby and I'm glad there is a place where I can do that and get such positive support. I am normally a very "glass is half full" kind of person. Yesterday might have been the toughest day I've had in sobreity.
The good news is I didn't make it worse. Drinking would have taken a crappy day and made it much worse. I couldn't imagine the guilt and I would have woken up to.
Today was a good day. I guess I too can fall forward in these situations.
Thanks again to everyone! Today is day 162!
I did not drink. Last night I went to bed somewhat early and hit a meeting at 9am. I shared exactly what I was going thruogh (minus the poor me stuff - funny how that feeling lessens over time) and got some solid advice.
The advice in my meeting was the same as what you kind folks gave me. I called my sponsor and he said some great stuff to.
Sorry if I seem ungrateful for all of the good stuff that has happened to me since getting sober. I'm still getting used to this "un-filtered" life. For so long, alcohol was my filter for life. I'm feeling emotions so much more now than when I was drinking (good and bad).
The truth is I'm a lucky man. To be saved from the daily hell that alcohol put me in should really be enough. As bad as yesterday was, it was nowhere near as bad as December 3, 2010. The day I quit.
I'm so thankful to be sober, to have you guys, for AA, my HP, my family, my job, etc... I was just being a baby and I'm glad there is a place where I can do that and get such positive support. I am normally a very "glass is half full" kind of person. Yesterday might have been the toughest day I've had in sobreity.
The good news is I didn't make it worse. Drinking would have taken a crappy day and made it much worse. I couldn't imagine the guilt and I would have woken up to.
Today was a good day. I guess I too can fall forward in these situations.
Thanks again to everyone! Today is day 162!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by reggiewayne 
Well, I am officially miserable. I am fighting with my wife seemingly all of the time. I go to meetings and feel like I get very little out of them. I hang out with some of the guys in the program and it gets really competitive. I am so angry right now. I have 160 days and I want to just say FUKC IT!No person can tell another what to do .BUT . Mate, You helped me through so much even less than two weeks ago .
Hang In My friend.
Maybe just say it. and leave it at that . PM me anytime. Ill get straight back to you .,
L:
I was there 10 days ago...I is GONE now. It passes . You even told ME that .
Hang In My friend.
Maybe just say it. and leave it at that . PM me anytime. Ill get straight back to you .,
I feel like every thing / every body is battling me. It just feels like there is no peace and serenity in my life. I feel like my wife uses me to regulate her moods. It's like it's up to me to manage her moods, and I'm the one trying to get sober. I just feel so lost. All of the things that used to give me peace are failing. All of the things I used to be able to take in stride drive my up a freaking wall now.
I was there 10 days ago...I is GONE now. It passes . You even told ME that .
I need help. I can't keep doing this. If I continue to feel like this, I'm going to drink. WTF is the point in being sober and trying to make myself better if nobody I'm around gives a ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need help SR. I just want to some calmness and peace and I can't seem to find it.
I need help SR. I just want to some calmness and peace and I can't seem to find it.
One small thing that I have discovered on the SR forum Reggie, is that Sobriety is a bit like a Uni degree. Put in the work earlier on , hang in , and the rewards just come.
Im sticking with that phylosophy for my own recovery .
Please stay in touch my friend
L
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by reggiewayne
THANK YOU EVERYONE! The support and advice you all gave means so much to me. I'm sorry my post was so strong. It was coming straight from the gut and I'm glad I was able to "air it out". I hope it didn't negatively affect anyone and their journey in recovery.
I did not drink. Last night I went to bed somewhat early and hit a meeting at 9am. I shared exactly what I was going thruogh (minus the poor me stuff - funny how that feeling lessens over time) and got some solid advice.
The advice in my meeting was the same as what you kind folks gave me. I called my sponsor and he said some great stuff to.
Sorry if I seem ungrateful for all of the good stuff that has happened to me since getting sober. I'm still getting used to this "un-filtered" life. For so long, alcohol was my filter for life. I'm feeling emotions so much more now than when I was drinking (good and bad).
The truth is I'm a lucky man. To be saved from the daily hell that alcohol put me in should really be enough. As bad as yesterday was, it was nowhere near as bad as December 3, 2010. The day I quit.
I'm so thankful to be sober, to have you guys, for AA, my HP, my family, my job, etc... I was just being a baby and I'm glad there is a place where I can do that and get such positive support. I am normally a very "glass is half full" kind of person. Yesterday might have been the toughest day I've had in sobreity.
The good news is I didn't make it worse. Drinking would have taken a crappy day and made it much worse. I couldn't imagine the guilt and I would have woken up to.
Today was a good day. I guess I too can fall forward in these situations.
Thanks again to everyone! Today is day 162!
I did not drink. Last night I went to bed somewhat early and hit a meeting at 9am. I shared exactly what I was going thruogh (minus the poor me stuff - funny how that feeling lessens over time) and got some solid advice.
The advice in my meeting was the same as what you kind folks gave me. I called my sponsor and he said some great stuff to.
Sorry if I seem ungrateful for all of the good stuff that has happened to me since getting sober. I'm still getting used to this "un-filtered" life. For so long, alcohol was my filter for life. I'm feeling emotions so much more now than when I was drinking (good and bad).
The truth is I'm a lucky man. To be saved from the daily hell that alcohol put me in should really be enough. As bad as yesterday was, it was nowhere near as bad as December 3, 2010. The day I quit.
I'm so thankful to be sober, to have you guys, for AA, my HP, my family, my job, etc... I was just being a baby and I'm glad there is a place where I can do that and get such positive support. I am normally a very "glass is half full" kind of person. Yesterday might have been the toughest day I've had in sobreity.
The good news is I didn't make it worse. Drinking would have taken a crappy day and made it much worse. I couldn't imagine the guilt and I would have woken up to.
Today was a good day. I guess I too can fall forward in these situations.
Thanks again to everyone! Today is day 162!
L
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