Anna

[QUOTE=Missy7;And Anna was loudest in helping me realize it. QUOTE]

Yes, I was the loudest, and I had a hard time posting those words. But, you know what - I was you - linked to my husband at the hip, through years and years of marriage, kids, whatever. And, I had to go through the hardest, scariest thing of my life by myself.

Missy7

I appreciated your comment Anna. I really, really did.

I'm smart enough but sometimes I just don't see things.

Mcribb

me getting sober was just a game until I actually got into treatment. I would go through stuff like you are describing until I had a formal proven plan. I am not weak, I just don't know how to do it, and drugs and alchohol are a beast that I couldn't handle.

Mcribb

My mind doesn't see things because I am an addict, it wants me to see and do things that get me in trouble.

justvee

Sounds like he is frightened of change...or he might realise he drinks too much too? Only sayin coz my husband is not listening to me saying 'I drink too much'..

Missy7

See. We need to share this stuff. I would say that he does drink too much. And he surely wouldn't like me to say that.

I guess what I have learned today is that I will have to separate my goals from his. Very difficult. I don't know if I can.

I don't know when I get strong enough in myself to say: I'm doing this with or without you. Cause while I don't think he would ever call me on the without you...he could.

Mark75

Missy

I've been there. The issue with the spouse, the relationship, what WILL we do... and I won't lie, there have been tough moments...

The message I want to give you, is have faith, put these issues/questions/worries about your spouse on the back burner... for now...

Go get recovered, the rest will work itself out.

dodecaphonic

This is an old thread, but an interesting one...

Maybe he "forgets" and encourages your drinking because it's much easier to feel superior to a drunk, and with a sober wife he'd have to have a more equal-partners relationship?

Hanna

The most true thing I ever heard was "There are no contradictions in life. If two things seem to contradict one another, one just isn't true."

In this case I think that means he's going to have to change a great deal before he can honestly be called a wonderful husband.

switchboard

Maybe you could tackle this from a slightly different angle .. I mean, instead of focussing on cutting things out ... like the drinking at karaoke, the tipsy sexcapades afterward, and the 'un-funness of sobriety' (in his opinion, I mean), how about "showing" him how much fun things can be when you're sober? .. Keep the attitude light and fun .. Go to his level, promise something exciting/naughty in exchange for him not pushing alcohol - stuff like that .

And no, I know you"shouldn't have to" play it like that, but if it might get the ball rolling in this journey, then I say why not give a shot to playing it like that?

IMHO, "whatever works" ...

Good luck!