tryingthistime

Ok, I haven't been here for a while. I tried to deal with my issues last year and ended up jumping right back on the dragon chasing train. For a quick background, I'm an addict. I've always thought that if something is good, than more of it is better. I started late, but by my early twenties I was drinking and smoking pot everyday. While I've tried other things, those were always my weakness.

Things progressed and probably about 7 years ago, I figured that I probably had a problem. That being said, admitting it and doing anything about it are two different things. About a year ago, I slowed down on the pot use. Work and family (I am the definition of functionally insane) just didn't allow for getting high multiple times a day. Since then I still smoke once in a while, but pretty much have turned to more and more alcohol. Like so many, my drinking led to lying, which led to depression and more drinking.

It recently got to the point that I was picking up a half pint and a 24 ounce beer on the way home and pounding it before I entered the door after work. What a great father I turned out to be (unbelievable that I've put on such a good charade for so long...). Well, my wife found a couple of bottles over the last year and every time I'd say that it was the last and that I wouldn't do it again (or that it was from a while ago, you know, when I was drinking more...).

Last Sunday my car needed a jump and she and the kids came to help. She found me there happy as could be, with an empty pint in the back seat of my car. The next day she scoured the house and found some pot containers and bottles. I felt like a total failure and said that I would quit drinking and that I would be better...

So, it took a couple of days for me to get my **** together, but I haven't drank since Wed. night. The first couple of days were actually pretty easy. We were visiting family, and even though there was booze everywhere, it seemed easy to say no. Today, now that I'm home, it seems a lot harder. I'm about to leave work and the pull to stop by my old favorite spots is really strong. I'm going to stay strong, but its hard.

The funny thing is, in some ways, I still think I can handle it. I know I've proven that I can't, but the devil on my shoulder is quite convincing. So for today, I'm just going to try to make it home without stopping. That way, I won't have any access to booze for the night. I guess tomorrow is another day....

FreeDance

Hang in there, trying!!

TheTinMan

Congrats on your sober time. Other than coming here what else are your plans for recovery?

EmeraldRose

Take it one day at a time, Trying. Good Luck! =)

Anna

Good for you for making the choice to live a sober life.

I know it's hard, but sometimes making a simple choice like driving home via a different route can be helpful. Changing routines and patterns can be helpful for an addictive personality.

Auggie

Welcome back and congratulations your sober time so far!

tryingthistime

Thanks guys. Made it home and put the kids to bed without a hitch. Driving home was pretty hard. I kept thinking of my usual spots or that I should text a drinking buddy. Luckily, I just kept telling myself to just keep driving.

As for other plans for my recovery, I have none. So far I'm just focussing on feeling better and trying to get back into shape (a bit). No grand plan. I've resisted AA before, and not sure about this time. While I get the arguments, I just keep thinking it's not for me. It's probably immaturity or just denial....not sure which.

For now I know I won't drink tonight, and that's enough. At some point I think I do need to focus on what got me to this point (outside of my affinity to getting messed up)....

Dee74

welcome back trying

D