wolf99

so i'm back AGAIN. i tried to control it. It worked for a while, slowly but surely i'm back to drinking until i black out and doing crazy things while blacked out. i hate myself. i don't think i'm ever going to learn. i'm still not convinced i'm an alcoholic...i'm really confused right now. does anyone else ever feel like this?

suki44883

Welcome back! What would it take to convince you that you are an alcoholic? Losing your home? Your family? Living under a bridge drinking Ripple out of a bottle in a paper bag?

jessiecat777

hey there welcome back...i just joined these forums this past week and love it here...i hope you feel better soon...and my answer to your question i actually didn't know i was an addict till i almost died of the dt s in a friends basement...i actually saw things that weren't there and thought the cia was after me...crazy **** man!!! so anyways i quit the booze about a year ago....and have only done coke once in that time but until i really came to grips with the fact i was an addict and alcoholic and could never use or drink socialy(one day at a time of course)i relapsed a considerable amount of times...it began to become a vicious circle that had complete control of my life and even my soul....when you are ready...you just know at least for me that was how it worked
good luck and i am here for you

CarolD

I kept drinking even after I knew I was an alcoholic.
I quit because I had come to detest the depressed
drunken me.

Hope you find your way soon...
welcome back

aasharon90

Recovery programs like AA, NA, ACOA, Alanon,
Ala-teen never closes. They are always open, welcoming
anyone who wants to change and learn how to live a life
without addiction and all those affected by it.

Here in Soberrecovery we also welcome those willing and
wanting to learn how to stay clean or sober. We never
turn someone away if you are a first time visitor or returning
one. We here are always open so you never have to feel
alone. If you dont understand something, ask away. Someone
will eventually come around to help you.

Glad you returned and hope you kick your shoes off and stay
awhile or for as long as you wish. SR for me is a part of my
recovery program and family even if I have never seen you
before in my life.

I need you guys even after 20 yrs sober. Why you ask?

Cause I just love YOU guys..!!!!

Ranger

Wolf - Glad to see you here, Friend. Just keep posting and reading...I think your confusion will work its way through.

Hey Jess - It's not paranoia if they REALLY ARE out to get you!!

Itchy

Ahh you fell for the I can control it gambit. Had it not been for SR here and my family and friends who I can talk to, I would be very tempted right now at 7 months to try to drink and control it.

The beauty of never having to do anything that I could put off til the morrow. And when they pile up drink a little more and they go away. When the cure hurts in the morning the answer is more.

I can tell you what changed me and it is so simple in its clarity it seems overly simplistic.

I quit smoking for 18 months 20 years or so ago. I tried one cigarrette and it made me high. I never got high before. Within a week I was back to 2 packs or more a day. From 1990 it took me until 21 Sept 2010 to put them down again permanently. It was also the day I put down alcohol permanently. (Why waste a perfectly good in hospital detox for just one drug? LOL!)

I can't afford another 18 years of failure with smoking and feeling helpless while pretending otherwise. Having learned that, I also won't make the same mistake with alcohol. Not for the rest of my life.

Sober I can take care of business and my life, preventing the pain I caused myself with alcohol, that I then used alcohol to take away. Talk about a vicious circle.

EmeraldRose

Well, sooner or later we have to accept the inevidable. To me drinking means drunk, drunk means blaking out, blacking out means another vicious cycle on the alcoholic treadmill.
Glad you made it back.

artsoul

welcome back,Wolf.....

I had trouble with the whole alcoholic thing, too, until I tried to stop drinking.

I had some times when I could control it (with a lot of effort), but the truth was the more I drank, the more I wanted to drink. I was willing to hurt myself to do it. I made adjustments in my life in order to do it. I thought about it all the time. I even accept invitations on the basis of whether there would be alcohol served. I avoided certain people because of it.

Sometimes I don't "feel" like an alcoholic, but I can't deny the facts.

I need a reminder though and I get it daily on this forum.......I hope you'll stick around and get the support you need!

FrothyJay

The delusion that we can control alcohol is the fatal part of the disease. The drinking is just a symptom. That baffled feeling is alcoholism.

An alcoholic recovers not by treating the drinking with abstinence, but by treating the underlying causes of the insanity that allows he/she to think that putting alcohol in their body again is an OK idea.

MsCooterBrown

No doubt in my mind I am 100% PURE REAL alcoholic. I have seen the term on a couple of posts now. Real alcoholic as opposed to what..Fake alcoholic? Anyway..I would think the question would be removed once the black out stage makes it's appearance. When I reached that stage it was evident that I either didn't stop drinking..or COULDN'T stop myself. Blackouts are extremely alarming. AND I haven't suffered one since I stopped drinking..I hope you give sobriety a chance. Sounds like you failed the control department..

Itchy

to codify the degrees of alcoholism. You know an Associate of Arts in Alcoholism, then a Baccalaureate Alcoholic, a Master of Alcoholism, then a PhD in Alcoholism.

Naw, if you can't stop, don't want to stop and then it messes up things, it is all the same.

An alcoholic by any other name . . .

MsCooterBrown

^^^^ Good one Itchy!!!!

Dee74

Welcome back Wolf.

I wasn't convinced I was an alcoholic either.

I drank all day everyday, got myself in all manner of scrapes and embarrassments, I forgot to eat most days....I was considered the neighbourhood drunk - unshaven, unwashed, red eyed, little cartoon waves of stinky coming off me - but I wasn't an alcoholic.

It would have been much simpler for me to admit there was a problem, start dealing with it and deal with the labels later.

It might be for you too?
D

jessiecat777

funny ranger....but i was fortunate to NOT have too many legal issues so i DON'T think the cia were after me...thank God...and i know it sounds funny and i can laugh with you now at this point...but when it was happening i was petrified.....i did however...get a large fine for being drunk and wondering around barefoot in my local sections....i paid my fine....and I will tell you what...that was enough to make me mad having to pay it... enough to not make an ass out of myself...for awhile anyways....that was not my last drunk however...i just wasn't ready to face the fact that i was that sick...and quite the idiot when i blacked out or was drunk. I sure don't miss all of that

jessiecat777

well...it did for me..hope the same doesn't happen to anyone else...but sadly it will....luckily i made it back...but only by the skin of my teeth and i am very motivated to stay sober and keeping the home and family and not having that brown paper bag

Ozgirl

People that aren't alcoholic don't wonder if they are or not. If a normal drinker was experiencing negative consequences from drinking they would be able to stop and move on. I think obsessing about whether we are alcholic or not kinda proves that we are?