tink645

I am 1 month in and am in the last few days getting discouraged. In the beginning things were wonderful. Life seemed clearer than it had in years and I felt so happy and clear-headed. I am now withdrawing some and thinking about drinking constantly. My husband told me this morning that he was concerned because he noticed I was slipping into a depression again. He's right. I don't know why.
It is my son's 18th birthday this Saturday and it is the first party we have had since I became sober. I think I am stressing because of that. I will be among some family members that are a huge source of frustration for me. (and no, there is no way that I can avoid having them here). I keep having thoughts of how I can hide a drink in another room where I can sneak away and sip it. Alcohol always made family gatherings bearable, now I don't have it and I am freaking...

suki44883

This is called living life on life's terms. You will continue to face situations where you feel uncomfortable; that's just life. Are you getting any face-to-face support? It can be very helpful. Just trying to white-knuckle it is extremely difficult and not necessary. Please, find some real life support.

Bikeguy

Stopping drinking does not stop life, there will still be bad days but at least you can take them on with a clear head. I still have bad days but I just keep in mind that tomorrow is a new day. Great job on your month, keep up the good work, I know you can do it!!

May-be you should talk to your Dr about your depression?

Dee74

Hi tink

I had the expectation that all I needed to do was stop drinking and my life would be wonderful...in fact what happened was I found out just how much I depended on drink to get me through.

Early recovery was rough for me - I'm glad I had the support I found here.

I promise you if you keep working on living sober, meeting your problems sober, and working on yourself sober....life will get better

I found I needed a little patience though. I drank for 20 years - no matter how long you drank for, it's going to take more than a month to learn how to live sober Tink

hang in there!
D

SSIL75

Life is hard sometimes. Unrelated to drinking. An upcoming milestone party with stressful family members. Well that just sucks, right? It took me a while to get comfortable with the fact that some days are just hard and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with my alcoholism.

I do a lot of 'worst case scenario' stuff. Worst case scenario is that ______. Usually it's nothing too drastic. Try to breathe and say "who cares if it's a crappy party". The day will pass and the next day will be better. And with every bad sober day you're learning coping skills that normal people probably picked up 20 years ago. I know I notice my husband (not an alcoholic) is a million times more resilient than me about basic things in life. He just has more practice. We'll get there, too.

LaFemme

You've already gotten some great advice...all I can do is reiterate that it makes time and work but it does get better. It sounds like you had a little honeymoon initially and now things are settling down.

If you suffer from depression please talk to your doctor. )

Hugs

michelle01

At one month in, I was still a bit all over the place emotionally. The first 12 months were kind of a roller coaster for me. But I noticed that the better moments started coming more frequently and lasting longer. It did all begin to even out eventually but I had a lot of help. If you can stick through these tough times, you will be ultimately glad that you did. The thing my addiction counselor continually drummed into me in the early days was that cravings always pass.

If the depression becomes prolonged it may pay to seek some medical/professional advice. Some depression is normal and to be expected in early sobriety. The brain chemicals have to adjust, for a start, and we have to begin getting used to a new way of life. (Some people find that some exercise can give them a lift in endorphins and help clear the mind a bit.)

In other cases, the drinking may have masked a depression problem previously (though in itself alcohol is overall a depressant over time) and this may be something that needs to be addressed by a doctor/specialist.

ReadyAndAble

I can sure relate—at the beginning, every day was a big present waiting to be opened. I still have days like that, but there are some darker days mixed in, along with lots of days that fall somewhere in the middle. Apparently this is what life is like sober?

Have you played forward that scene with the hidden drink? What if it doesn't stay hidden, and people realize you've been drinking? What happens when it's gone, and (assuming you're like me) you want a second drink even more than you wanted the first? Perhaps worst of all, what if nothing happens—you have that one drink, and no one finds out? How long do you think it will be before you have another drink—and how quickly will it go from a one-off to a regular occurrence?

Sorry to bombard you with questions. I guess my point is that for me, drinking complicates life and adds stress to just about any situation—especially one that seems stressful enough already. Hope it goes better than expected!

crisplover

I used to hide drink when my in laws used to come and stay.

I spent the whole time freaking out thinking that they knew I was drinking or that they had found the bottle.

There are some situations that you can't imagine not drinking at, but you will surprise yourself and get through it without drinking and that will make you feel great about yourself and give you the confidence to face the next tricky situation.

I went on holiday for 2 weeks with my in-laws a few years later and didn't drink a drop, it can be done.

I am still trying to stay sober, so not preaching to you, just have past experience in stressful family situations and know that drinking through them is not the answer.

totfit

Quitting drinking does not make things better. Quitting only enables us to make them better. If we do nothing than quit drinking nothing will get better. Many times this is why we return to drinking. We expect the miracle, but don't participate in making it happen. I am not talking about steps, prayers, meditation or anything of that sort; I am speaking about positive action. We first determine a picture of how we would like our life to be and then take steps towards that goal. Two other things critical beyond all else in my opinion are a healthy diet and exercise. Things will invariably get better if one stops drinking.....and begins taking those small steps forward. Now the people around us? That is a whole different matter. Participate in life, cause life IS good.

Sugah

suki brought up face-to-face support. I'm going to be specific: I couldn't maintain any kind of healthy sobriety until I found something (in my case, AA) to address the fact that drinking was only a symptom of my alcoholism.

Now, if you believe that alcoholism is strictly physical and that this depression is completely unrelated, a trip to your doctor should take care of it. So long as you don't drink, things should even out.

But, if you're like me, drinking is a symptom of alcoholism; it's what my mind/body/spirit asked for to make something feel better in me. Take away the booze, and I was miserable. I had to do something about me, and it had to be more than putting down the booze.

I went to AA, got a sponsor, took the steps, continued to live by the steps. I didn't turn into an automaton or a religious nut. I did lose my anger, depression, and self-pity. They creep back in now and then, and now, I have a way to deal with them that doesn't include taking a drink.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Missy7

I worry about this too--facing the parties without the alcohol. My plan is to bring in what I want to drink and keep one in my hand at all times. I will in fact assign someone to make sure that I have good ice and a drink that needs finished--ginger ale in my case. It even looks like gin and tonic!

But I guess won't help me (us?) deal with the actual issues we've been running from. That we'll have to do--but not at a party. At a party you smile, make nice, and wait it out. Change conversation partners. Have you main support ready to go for a walk.

And don't do all the prep work. Don't get exhausted.

These are my guesses, having not achieved this yet. Let us know how you do and we'll know how to face, say, the big 4th of july bash at my house where we fill a horse trough with beer and make so many drinks the floor gets sticky.

tink645

Haha Missy! That sounds like the kinda parties we throw! Anyway, I just got back from the doctors and he has referred me to a therapist. I have been on depression meds for most of my life, but never really fixed the problem. I know this is something I should've done a long time ago, but instead drowned myself in booze. I told my husband that I had planned on hiding a drink on Saturday, but decided it wasn't worth it. At least I admitted it to him and he is aware so I can lean on him if I feel like I'm losing it.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will let you know how it goes.

silly

Tink,
I was on anti-depressants on and off for years. I finally stopped taking them because I knew I was drinking so much there was no way they were of any help.

Now I've got over 60 days under my belt and am just starting back on meds. I have higher hopes this time around now that I'm not washing away any intended affects with vodka or wine.

Boleo

Abstinence is not drinking and feeling bad about it.

Recovery is not drinking and feeling good about it.

Abstinence is like walking a tight-rope one-day-at-a-time.

Recovery is like building a bridge and then not worrying about what day it is.

ClosetExtrovert

Try this. It helped me
A Place Called Self, Stephanie Brown, Ph.D. Stephanie, (9781592850983) Paperback - Barnes & Noble

Anna

You've gotten lots of good advice here.

I'm glad to hear that you're not giving up on trying to deal with your depression. Therapy could be very helpful and possibly you could try different medication till you find something that works. For me, the depression came first, so I had to deal with that before I could get sober.

artsoul

Hey tink - A lot of people have trouble around those milestones (30, 60, 90 days etc.). It's really uncanny that it happens to so many people. So keep that in mind too.....

Glad you're talking to someone about depression - I know that I have to be pro-active in that area, too. And, if you can, don't put up too many negatives images ahead of time. Sometimes (well, most of the time I think), the anticipation (fear) is worse than the reality.

Find a little place in your head/heart where you can feel good about you.... and practice holding onto that attitude when you're in the midst of family...... Some people call it staying "grounded." It's about not giving others the power to throw you off your game.

Hope everything goes smoothly, and even if it doesn't, you can say that you stayed sober!!!!!!