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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
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I've lurked for several years on and off--sometimes for myself, sometimes for my boyfriend. I posted once before quite some time ago about issues with my boyfriend's addiction. But I've finally decided its time to deal with mine.
Growing up, I was a total "good girl." Never did the high schooling partying thing and had never had even one drink. I was also very shy and had difficulty with social situations. I started college at a hard partying school in a hard partying city. I discovered that alcohol made me less shy and more "fun." I very quickly started drinking as often as possible (I was still underage.) When I hit 21, the drinking increased. I suspected during college that I had a problem with alcohol and even went to a few AA meetings. But I convinced myself that this was a college phase and surely I'd stop when I got into the "real world."
Well, here I am four years after graduation and my drinking has only gotten worse. I tried moderation many times, as I guess most people here have, and, while it seemed to work for a while, it always got worse again. After a particularly bad night about a month ago, my boyfriend (who has been sober from drug addiction for about two years) told me that he couldn't be with me anymore, if I kept drinking. He loved me, but he hated the person I became when I was drunk. I long ago stopped being fun when I drank.
I was mad for a while, convinced that I was fine. But I started thinking about the mornings when I couldn't recall the night before and was pretty sure that I didn't want to know, the mornings that I did remember what I'd done and was mortified. I remembered the times I'd done stupid things that hurt my friends and family. The drunken antics that had been funny as a college freshman stopped being funny a long time ago. I already knew I was alcoholic, but didn't want to admit it. I wanted to keep drinking, hoping that eventually I'd figure out a way to drink like a normal person. But I already knew that wasn't going to happen.
So, I decided to stop. I've been using Rational Recovery and that's been really helpful for me. It's been around a month and I feel pretty good so far. The only time its really hard is when I'm at home at night alone (my boyfriend works nights). When I was drinking, I usually cleaned off a 1.5 liter bottle of wine in the evenings. I've been reading this forum during those times instead of going to the store for my wine. So, I thought maybe I'd try actually participating instead of just reading.
Growing up, I was a total "good girl." Never did the high schooling partying thing and had never had even one drink. I was also very shy and had difficulty with social situations. I started college at a hard partying school in a hard partying city. I discovered that alcohol made me less shy and more "fun." I very quickly started drinking as often as possible (I was still underage.) When I hit 21, the drinking increased. I suspected during college that I had a problem with alcohol and even went to a few AA meetings. But I convinced myself that this was a college phase and surely I'd stop when I got into the "real world."
Well, here I am four years after graduation and my drinking has only gotten worse. I tried moderation many times, as I guess most people here have, and, while it seemed to work for a while, it always got worse again. After a particularly bad night about a month ago, my boyfriend (who has been sober from drug addiction for about two years) told me that he couldn't be with me anymore, if I kept drinking. He loved me, but he hated the person I became when I was drunk. I long ago stopped being fun when I drank.
I was mad for a while, convinced that I was fine. But I started thinking about the mornings when I couldn't recall the night before and was pretty sure that I didn't want to know, the mornings that I did remember what I'd done and was mortified. I remembered the times I'd done stupid things that hurt my friends and family. The drunken antics that had been funny as a college freshman stopped being funny a long time ago. I already knew I was alcoholic, but didn't want to admit it. I wanted to keep drinking, hoping that eventually I'd figure out a way to drink like a normal person. But I already knew that wasn't going to happen.
So, I decided to stop. I've been using Rational Recovery and that's been really helpful for me. It's been around a month and I feel pretty good so far. The only time its really hard is when I'm at home at night alone (my boyfriend works nights). When I was drinking, I usually cleaned off a 1.5 liter bottle of wine in the evenings. I've been reading this forum during those times instead of going to the store for my wine. So, I thought maybe I'd try actually participating instead of just reading.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome back to the family.
Glad you're working on your problem before it gets worse.
I stopped for good over a year ago and things have never been better. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.
Glad you're working on your problem before it gets worse. I stopped for good over a year ago and things have never been better. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me. Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Hi Corky and welcome. So glad you decided to stop lurking and start posting!
As you probably know someone is always here 24/7 if you are looking for support in anyway. That's great about a month sobriety. Keep it up and
keep reaching out here. Congratulations.
As you probably know someone is always here 24/7 if you are looking for support in anyway. That's great about a month sobriety. Keep it up and
keep reaching out here. Congratulations.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Corky - glad you decided to post..... Moderate drinking never worked for me either - it took so much effort and I usually failed.
I'm really glad I made the decision to get sober - it was scary at first, but got a little better every day. Support makes it soooo much easier and you'll get lots of that here!:ghug3
I'm really glad I made the decision to get sober - it was scary at first, but got a little better every day. Support makes it soooo much easier and you'll get lots of that here!:ghug3
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