SSIL75

Since I stopped drinking 6 mos ago I haven't had much in the way of doubt that I made the right decision, but that doesn't mean I've been happy all the time, either.

I was thinking about it today though and it hit me that I feel a little stronger/a little changed after I get through every rough patch. Maybe during that patch I've acquired a new tool to deal with my kids. Or I've pinpointed something that was contributing to my negative state of mind. Or whatever. I just gain a little something out of it all. Knowledge, peace whatever.

That's normal, right? That's what tough times are about. But man for HOW LONG did I just have crappy times... increase my drinking through them... and coast on through. Never learning anything. Just reinforcing the habit.

Sad! And amazing in a way that I survived it.

But now this....this feels like a life worth living A life to be proud of.

LexieCat

Yup, I find I cope with life more effectively all the time.

And it isn't that life has changed, it's me that has changed.

justjo

Hi SSIL
I get 'hard times' and sometimes wonder why my life had to have so many. It just wasnt fair.
But today, Im working on me too, giving myself a chance to be as happy as I can be. I just let others control my happiness way too much.
Im learning, Im growing with everyone in SR. Im so glad to read your thoughts.
JJ

Stimmed

ReadyAndAble

Nice post—and great attitude!

NEOMARXIST

Thanks for a fantastic post!! This has been my experience and continues to be my experience and it gives me hope to carry on!! It isn't always easy but it is always worth it!! Mental/emotional pain is never nice and can feel deeply uncomfortable too, but I know that I have got to work through/experience it in order to progress and move forwards. For years I guess I never experienced it and just blocked it out and as a result just missed lots of stuff that people take for granted...

Thanks again,

Peace

Toronto68

Something I did today ties into this topic in a way, I think. At least I hope it is relevant.

Ever do dumb___ things like send drunken emails during a fit of resentment? I did it not long before I quit drinking. I'm in a position today where I need to gain the support of the person who got the email and saw my bizarre behaviour.

I emailed looking for support on a specific issue today as a conversation starter. It could go more than one way. I'm strangely content with the fact I have done this, and it goes beyond the obvious gain I would have if I got the help I was asking for. I haven't made the complete apology or recognized my behaviour for what it was in my words thus far (because the "sweet spot" moment is not quite there yet).

If I get the help, so much the better. But even if I don't get the benefit of the help, I'm glad I did this, because it's one inch further away from pride that impacted me negatively. It feels like an accomplishment "for the principle of it" is in progress.

So I am satisfied with at least one tiny thing that points back to a really yucky memory about myself, and it was worth doing it.

MsCooterBrown

Congrats on six months SSIL75!!

LaFemme

Great post SSIL and thanks for sharing

Toronto...good luck...I guess that's why the AAers make the amends list

coffeenut

Totally Normal! Only my opinion, but I firmly believe the hardest things that we handle sober, make us the strongest.

Nice sober time, btw!

Hevyn

I'm with you on this SSIL75. I've only just begun to grow & mature, & at my age that's pathetic. I found the magic 'cure' for all my problems at a young age & it never occurred to me that by staying numb I was missing out on life. As you put it, I just coasted through, never learning anything.

I'm happy for all of you who are discovering - at a young age - that being anesthetized is no way to live. As an older person, I'm determined not to be bitter that I didn't see the light earlier.

AmericanGirl

SSIL75 -- I completely agree. Thanks for your post. Today is one of those "learning" days for me and even though I feel like I got beat up by life I am coming out stronger having gotten through it in a healthy way. I had no idea this was how it was supposed to be all along . . I am glad I am no longer drowning out everything.